My Top Ten Disney Starlet Jams

It's been a while since I wrote anything on here, but I've taken another sabbatical and then started writing some long-form fiction and tweeting my short-form shenanigans. So this is a bit of a one off until the book is done or I get bored with it. Follow me on Twitter, I'm @paulbos there, for more junk like this:

I don't think it's a secret that I don't believe in "guilty pleasures." I feel no reason to feel guilty about liking something. If I derive pleasure from items of dubious quality that is between me and my therapist. But nothing screams "guilty pleasure" more than a 29-year-old who still listens to music made by and for teenage girls. Specifically song released by the teenage girls who appear on Disney Channel shows and Disney films. The House Of Mouse doesn't have any shame in their game, they will do anything for a couple bucks. Many of these tracks are fun and silly, but when I play them in my car it is serious rock out time. Feast your ears on these:

10: "Come Back To Me" - Vanessa Hudgens

Vanessa Hudgens starred in the breakthrough Disney Channel film series High School Musical and a very public romance with certifiable hottie and HSM costar Zac Efron. But I really know her best from this slick R&B track that features a sample from the 70s "Baby Come Back." It has a great beat and fun, flirty lyrics.

9: "So Yesterday" - Hilary Duff

Hilary Duff was the first post-Britney Disney Channel star to gain radio, and more importantly TRL, play. This track was Avril-esque, thanks to production by The Matrix (who would later attempt to release music under their own name, featuring vocals by Katy Perry) and it's light crunch of guitar is miles away from the techno-pop that the DC stars are known for today - a sound Hilary herself embraced or her last LP Dignity.

8: "Confessions Of A Broken Heart" - Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan always seemed to be a little more involved with her music than Hilary, but she never got the same traction in the pop world. "Rumors" is fun, but in light of her constant partying and showing up at every paparazzi hot spot her cries of wanting her privacy rings hollow. Better is this slightly uncomfortable ballad that digs deeper into her need for attention.

7: "Ready Or Not" - Bridget Mendler

The newest attempt to conquer the pop sphere is Good Luck, Charlie's Bridget Mendler. "Ready Or Not" is a bouncy summer jam with a Fugees sample reworked to fit Bridget's younger fanbase.

6: "See You Again" - Miley Cyrus

"See You Again" was a bit of a fluke. No video was every released, indeed I don't think anyone at Hollywood Records expected Miley to by the next Hilary Duff, let alone a Britney-sized tabloid attraction. But the jam was good. The peanut butter and chocolate blend of surf guitars and techno gave it a fresh sound that would push her fellow DC stars to mine dance beats for hits

5: "A Year Without Rain" - Selena Gomez & The Scene

For Selena Gomez and her almost invisible band's second album, the Disney Channel friendly teen pop song "Round & Round" was a fun choice for a lead single. But the title track "Year Without Rain" is dreamy techno heaven, with Selena's light vocals floating on top. Gorgeous and undeniably catchy, it put her ahead of even Miley in the DC hunger games.

4: "Rush" - Aly & AJ

I was never quite sure of Aly & AJ's connection to the Disney universe, but the duo's songs were a constant on the Channel. "Rush" features a driving beat and ridiculously positive lyrics. I've sung this one at karaoke.

3: "Lovesick" - Emily Osment

This one was not a huge hit. I think the only reason the local radio station play Miley's Hannah Montana second banana was because she played host to one of their festivals. But the new wave inspired dance track is pure fun, and I would drop it in a DJ set any day.

2: "Skyscraper" - Demi Levato

Child stars are drawn to drug and alcohol problem likes moths to a flame. Demi was no exception to the Lindsay/Britney template, but it seems she took the Drew Barrymore path and is doing well in recovery (unless you believe those blind items in the gossip blogs.) Her first post-rehab single was recorded before she sought treatment and it plays like the cry for help it is. Her aching vocals distinguish this from the fluff that her peers often release.

1: "Naturally" - Selena Gomez & The Scene

You know, fluff like this. Selena Gomez's breakthrough single was bright, bubbly slice of teen pop that doesn't get it's due very often. The beat is perfect, the lyrics are perfect, the track is perfect. Stamp it, mark it, date it - I will go to my grave saying "Naturally" is not only the greatest Disney Starlet Jams of all time but a brilliant piece of pop for the ages.

Ann Romney, I Will Have A Real Marriage Too (Just Not A Legal One)

Ann Romney spoke last night about her marriage to Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney. About love.

She tells us that they do not have a "storybook marriage" - they have a real marriage. As she put it  "those storybooks never seemed to have chapters called MS or breast cancer."

Mitt and Ann have a working partnership that has seen its ups and downs. They married despite being of different faiths, they have worked through severe medical issues, raised 5 beautiful sons and have weathered the difficult landscapes of both the business and political worlds where divorce, cheating and trading in spouses for younger models is the norm.

They have a marriage to be admired. It is exactly what I want to have, and what I will work hard to have. Derek and I may not have met at a high school dance, but we have a normal, everyday relationship. We both deposit our checks into the same account, I make sure they get paid each month on time - just like my mom did for my dad. Derek does more of the cooking, and I do the clean up on those nights. When he gets home late and tells me he's hungry, I either start cooking or start suggesting a run to McDonald's. When I get home late, he does the same for me.

Ann and Mitt married while in college. Derek is in school right now, adding an extra layer of time commitment to his schedule even as our wedding is around the corner. Mitt has stood by his wife during difficult heath crises (unlike John Edwards.) I have the responsibility to stand by Derek as he underwent gallbladder removal, as he goes to endless doctor visits in an attempt to figure out what else is wrong with his digestive system. No, that's not the same as MS or cancer but if either of those things come up, God forbid, I will be by his side.

I laugh at his jokes, and he laughs at mine (even if they aren't that funny sometimes) He drives whenever we go places 90% of the time because he knows I don't like to drive. I introduce him to new music so he has more than Janet Jackson in his car. When we have free time together we go to the mall or the farmers market or the movies or the club; or we sit at home on a Saturday night watching Bio's seemingly never ending run of ghost shows.

I love this man as much or more than myself. I work hard to make sure our relationship works. I stand by him in his times of need. And I am certain the reverse is true as well.

I don't really know Ann Romney's stance on my relationship. Her husband currently doesn't think I should be able to have the same type she does. She doesn't know me and I don't know her. I would never presume to suggest that her relationship is any less than what she claims - a real marriage.

Why can't I have a real marriage? When I sent out invitations to my wedding, I wanted to invite people to my "illegal wedding" but decided not to be glib. Because, whether it's legal or recognized by any governing entity, I WILL HAVE A REAL MARRIAGE. He will be my husband, not (just) my friend/roommate/buddy.

Because a real marriage is not a piece of paper. That piece of paper is a symbol, the rings are a symbol, the ceremony (like every other sacrament) is a symbol - an outward sign of an inward commitment. When I stand before God and these witnesses and make my vows, I will be married in the sight of God and these witnesses. The fact that I legally cannot call my marriage the thing that it is, does not make it less true. The fact that I know people will refuse to call it a marriage, does not make it less true.

Ann Romney, your marriage is a model I want to emulate. Will you tell your husband, should he become president, to let me do so legally?

Soundtrack of The Day: "Rob Me Blind" - Jay Brannan

Jay Brannan is the type of singer-songwriter that I often root for. The music seems personal. The lyrics are sometimes angry, sometimes silly, sometimes romantic but always seem to come from a real place. His last album is not yet in my collection due to budget cuts, but his latest single and video have me really thinking about shifting some funds back towards new tunes. "Rob Me Blind" is cute and fun, definitely worth a listen.

Soundtrack Of The Day: "I Wanna Have Your Babies" - Natasha Bedingfield

In the wake of Carly Rae Jepsen's hit "Call Me Maybe" and similar fluffy, fun and innocent pop smashes from Selena Gomez I was reminded of Natasha Bedingfield's UK flop "I Wanna Have Your Babies." I was a single from her first attempt at a sophomore album, N.B., which was hacked up and remarketed as Pocketful Of Sunshine in the US, sans this silly, bubbly song that for all it's innocent flirtatious was banned by BBC radio.



Natasha Bedingfield - I Wanna Have Your Babies by javierlobe

Soundtrack Of The Day: "National Anthem" - Lana Del Rey

Unlike the rest of the blogosphere, I was not in instant hate with all things Lana Del Rey after her SNL performance. Her album Born To Die was trippy and icy-cool and I really dug songs like "Diet Mt Dew" and "Born To Die."

Her next single is "National Anthem" - a real summer song with a materialistic undertones and a chorus to die for. The video has a Camelot feel, with rapper A$AP Rocky reportedly playing JFK to Lana's Jackie O. A teaser is up, with the full video on it's way soon.

Soundtrack Of The Day: "Peanut Butter" - RuPaul feat. Big Freedia

Since it is both Black Music Month and the beginning of Pride season, this is the perfect blend of both. The new single from the original Supermodel Of The World, RuPaul finds the Drag Race host teaming up with the Queen Diva of New Orleans Bounce (a regional dance genre that has been bubbling just under the mainstream for years) for a frenetic pop trifle with a dozen hot hooks.

This is booty popping music at it's twerkin' best. From the opening line ("Due to the fact her thighs spread like peanut butter") to the hot call and response verses name dropping the usual designer shoe labels, this is much fresher than much of Ru's last two discs. Spread the word:

5 Songs You Hear In Country Music Hell

Over the last 6 months or so my manager has decided that we should be listening to country music whenever he is working.  Depending on who you are, that sounds like musical heaven or absolute hell.

The thing is, I used to enjoy watching videos on CMT and listening to country radio upon occasion. While I don't have every George Strait song memorized, I have a variety of country CDs in my collection and in my iTunes. But listening to nonstop country a minimum of 2 days a week, all shift long, is not quite my cup of tea. I start to notice there are a few templates that repeat. Maybe the old joke about playing a country song backwards and getting your truck, dog and woman back could be replaced with these stereotypes instead.

1. The Song About How Great Small Town Living Is
 Example: "Where I Come From" - Montgomery Gentry; "Tattoos On This Town" - Jason Aldean; "Boondocks" - Little Big Town; "Homeboy" - Eric Church

No "hip hop hats" allowed

Every geographic location has its pros and cons. A big city like New York may have Central Park and the Museum Of Modern Art and Broadway but the traffic is awful and the crime is insane. But if you listen to country music radio, not only does small town living not have any cons but it's better than any other place on earth. After all, The Big City is where bad kids run away too, according to Eric Church, when they could be sitting on a tailgate of a truck drinking beer.

But Smalltown USA is where no one calls the cops during a parking lot beatdown (this is a plus according to Montgomery Gentry) and where you can play cards on Saturday night and go to church on Sunday morning (per Little Big Town, who love small town living so much their name and debut single were inspired by it!) You cannot do this in The Big City because of the roaches that sleep in your deck of cards, and also drug dealer sleeping in your churches.

And living in a close knit rural farming community means leaving a lasting mark. Like teaching kids, helping a neighbor in need or preserving historical buildings. Right, Jason Aldean? Wait, the tattoos on this town are graffiti on an overpass and skid marks from drag racing? Well, that's good too...

2. The Song About How Great Country Music Is
Example: "Songs About Me" - Trace Adkins; "Banjo" - Rascal Flatts; "Country Must Be Country Wide" - Brantley Gilbert

Country music is unique in it's storytelling abilities and it's focus on all American values like maternal pride, long term relationships and putting boots in people asses.

That's because these are songs about every single person on earth (at least the white ones) Trace Adkins believes. They are about "loving and living [so far so good] and good hearted women [um...] and family [Sister Sledge style family?] and God [Allah? The Black Madonna?]" Besides, who doesn't like a banjo solos? LIBERALS. That's who.

After all there is a country station pretty much everywhere you could go, so Brantley Gilbert must be ashamed of his assuming that people from Idaho aren't really country. It's not like they are from Hollywood. Like Keith Urban, the traitor.

3. The Song About The Dangers of Drinking, Followed By A Drinkin' Song
Examples: "Whiskey Lullaby" - Brad Paisley & Alison Krauss; "I Love This Bar" - Toby Keith; "Nothing To Die For" - Tim McGraw; "Dirt Road Anthem" - Jason Aldean

Drinking is bad!

I actually like the song "Whiskey Lullaby" thanks to a beautiful melody sung beautifully by Brad and Alison. But the emotional whiplash of going between that and a song like "I Love This Bar" or the anti-drunk-driving PSA of "Nothing To Die For" segueing into Jason Aldean's enjoyment of an "ice cold beer sitting in the console" of his vehicle.

I know different artists will have different opinions of drinking but the switcheroo for the listener is uncomfortable.

4. The Song Objectifying Women
Examples: "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk" - Trace Adkins; "Country Girl (Shake It For Me)" - Luke Bryan; "Somethin' 'Bout A Truck" - Kip Moore

Pictured: Human with objects behind her.

Sexual objectification is hardly exclusive to country music. In fact, the genre is one of the few places where women over 40 can still be considered a hitmaker. And male artists are just as likely to be seen in tight pants and tees (or topless!) as the female ones are, creating an equality of sorts.

See?

Which is why it's so disappointing when songs like "Country Girl" get such heavy airplay. Luke asks this nameless female to shake it for everyone - the DJ, the rednecks, the young bucks, the catfish, the moon and himself. But is she ever asked if she wants to shake it for her own pleasure, for the pure joy of the dance? Of course not, she's a sex object not a person with opinions or desires. Silly homo, tricks are for chicks.

Meanwhile Trace Adkins is back, this time to pimp his country ride with a LMFAO-level crappy dance track complete with terrible lyrics and a cheesy beat. He performed this at the Grand Ole Opry. May Kitty Wells never see that footage.

5. The Song By A Frat Boy Peter Pan (who is capable of more)
Examples: "Red Solo Cup" and "As Good As I Once Was" by Toby Keith; "Living In Fast Forward", "Beer In Mexico" and "Out Last Night" by Kenny Chesney

Sometimes, the world needs a 50-year-old to sing about drinking from plastic cups. Wait, I meant the opposite of that. The world needs Toby Keith to leave that nonsense to talentless white "rappers" like Asher Roth, instead of a man capable of decent records like "You Shouldn't Kiss Me Like That" and "She Never Cried In Front Of Me." But since he also gave us the ode to twincestuous three ways and bar fights titled "As Good As I Once Was" I guess I am expect too much. Get your Frat Boy antics on, old man.

More gratuitous shirtlessness

Ditto for Kenny Chesney. His catalog includes sweet ballads like the tale of a couple who made it to 50 years "Don't Blink" and the totally not homoerotic football tribute "Boys Of Fall." Also included? Crap like "Out Last Night" (recorded in his early 40s) about - get this - going out. Last night, even. I KNOW! If the lazy title wasn't enough, his singing is lazy on the track and his Barney Stitson aping list of fake stories to help him get laid is even lazier.

The thing is, country music is a diverse field (except skin-color-wise) with room for everyone to come to the party (except big city folks, liberals or pacifists.) So there are bound to be some really annoying music to come out of it, just like in rock or hip-hop. I just wouldn't play a rock or hip-hop radio station in a shoe store with employees who would rather scoop their eardrums with a grapefruit spoon than listen to steel guitars and banjos all day long. That's all.