Paul And His Littlest Hag Present: The Party Jams Of '09

My cousin Sarah and I go way back, I babysat her when she was five and six years old and we've been close ever since. We go shopping, do lunch and hang out all the time. She even went with me and my boyfriend to Pride this year, which cemented her status as My Littlest Hag. She's only 11, but she's the coolest 11-year-old I know!

One of our favorite activities is going shopping and jamming out during the car ride to and from the mall. We both fell in love with some random party-starter music this year. Here is our picks for Party Jams Of '09 (in no particular order.)"Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)" - Beyonce
Yeah, I Am... Sasha Fierce came out in 2008. But that didn't stop "Single Ladies" from becoming a pop culture force that continued into the new year. Sarah and I spent hours on YouTube watching all the ridiculous spoofs and homages to the hand-twisting, ass-slapping and leg gyrating choreography of the video. Yeah, it might not be the best video of all time, Kanye, but it is pretty sweet.

"Bad Romance" - Lady Gaga
Sarah dressed as Gaga for my Halloween party, so picking just one jam from Our Lady Of Perpetual Pop-tasticness was difficult. But "Bad Romance" is a true party starter, from the "Ra-Ha-Ah-Ah" in the first few seconds to the the epic bridge and all the techno glory in between.

"When Love Takes Over [Electro Radio Edit]" - David Guetta feat Kelly Rowland
Yes, I have to specify the correct mix. The album and radio/video versions are too tame for party kids like us, the remixes too long and harsh. The Electro Radio Edit is just perfect, three minutes of pure pop punctuated with a techno stamp at the ends of the verses. If Sarah and I ever realize our dream of an under 16 club, this song will be in permanent rotation.

"Tik Tok" - Ke$ha
Like a low-rent version of Lady Gaga, Ke$ha has redeemed herself from the folly of singing the hook on "Right Round" with an ode all night partying. Should an 11-year-old being dancing to a song that glorifies bad dental hygiene like "brush[ing] my teeth with a bottle of Jack"? Probably not. But I'm her gay, not her mother.

"Don't Stop Believin'" - The Cast Of Glee
Led by Broadway star Lea Michele, the cast of Fox's musical blockbuster Glee tackled the Journey classic to cap off the debut episode. Show choir may never be "sexy" but thanks to the inspirational lyrics, Lea's stunning vocals and an arrangement that starts out a Capella and ends with a full band, it will be friggin' awesome. And perfect for car ride sing alongs!

"She Wolf" - Shakira
Two words: howl along. The chorus of Shakira's brilliant French Disco-inspired single is perfect to sing along to, but even better if you can time yourself right to howl at the right spots. Sarah and I can.

"3" - Britney Spears
I did not pick this song. Sarah choose it for the list, and I could not really ask her if she was sure she wanted a song about menage a trois on her party playlist. The beat is hot, though. I'm hoping that's the only reason Sarah likes it.

"Watcha Say" - Jason DeRulo
Again, it's a sing-along chorus that won't quit. Yeah, it's borrowed from Imogen Heap's moody "Hide And Seek" but it's still hot. And those horns are fire.

"Replay" - Iyaz
Shorty might be like a melody in Iyaz's head, but this JR Rotem-produced single is perfect earworm fodder for me. The melody is playful and fun, easy to remember and hooky as hell. Little wonder I keep singing it like my iPod's stuck on replay. Clever bastard.

"Down" - Jay Sean feat Lil' Wayne
First, Jay Sean is fucking hot. I'm just putting that out there. Second, this pop/R&B single is glossed with so much electro sheen I don't think you could avoid dancing like a gaysted club kid every time it comes on. And since Sarah and I know all the words to Weezy's rhyme, it's a perfect sing-along.

"Supermassive Black Hole" - Muse
You can thank Twilight for bringing this buzzed-up guitar-laden rock song to our collective attention. While other's might debate Jacob vs Edward, Sarah skips the whole discussion and goes straight for beefy Emmet. Wait, we were talking music?

Writer's Block

You may have noticed the complete dearth of posts over the past month. Yeah, I have writer's block. I've never had total writer's block before, usually I just can't write about the particular topic I wanted to. I can usually find something else to post, though. Right now, I just look at a blank screen and can't formulate a sentence that isn't boring as shit.

So, I am currently writing about not being able to write. I guess that's a start. I noticed the writing quality of my posts over the last few months has gone downhill, I think that it scared me and my brain decided not to write at all. But I'm going to attempt some year end lists either this week or next and I'm hoping that will start a resurgence of creative flow. We'll see.

Til then, Happy Holidays!

Trashy Thursday: "Nothing In This World" - Paris Hilton

Trashy Thursdays will be happening every Thursday (duh) and will feature the trashy pop songs I kinda love. Don't get it twisted, I think pop music is an art form. But like all art, there are brilliant artistic works that are fresh and dynamic and new as well as less inspired pieces of art. Sometimes those less inspired bits are as much fun as the "good" stuff, that's why we're getting trashy!

Paris Hilton is pretty much useless as a singer, but she's not the first girl to make up for it by surrounding herself with top-notch songwriters and producers to make a half-way decent record. Well, half-way decent trash-pop record.

"Nothing In This World" is co-written and produced by Dr. Luke, who is a pop genius. The song is similar to some of his other contemporaneous productions, like "Since U Been Gone" and "Girlfriend" The video is what puts it over the top, it stars a high-school geek who is obsessed with Paris and fantasizes about her. When she moves in next door, he gets her to pretend she's his girlfriend. It's cute, in a slightly pervy kinda way.

Lady Gaga Is Crazy. "Bad Romance" Is Just One Bit Of Evidence

Lady Gaga is a pretty crazy artist, her songs are brilliant examples of how pop music can be both a product and an artistic statement. Her videos are sheer ridiculousness, from the house party gone mad in "Just Dance" to a subway crashing orgy on "Love Game" to a mini-movie on the high price (and death toll) of fame in "Paparazzi." Even the more ordinary video treatments of "Eh Eh (Nothing Else I Can Say)" or "Poker Face" come off as high concept fashion photography than run of the mill pop video making.

But nothing in the past has given us warning as what was to come. "Bad Romance" is as high concept as anything Gaga has ever done, with even more costumes and creepy dancing. Apparently in the Bath Haus of Gaga, they grow sex slaves in pods who are then auctioned off. Or something. The plot isn't important, the costumes are! From the diamond encrusted hat/crown thingy to the insane shoes to the polar bear cape, this video say "couture" in all caps.

As a blond pop singer, Lady Gaga has been compared frequently to Madonna. But I think Grace Jones meets Andy Warhol is probably a more accurate comparison. Watch and decide:



In case the video gets pulled, here's the best bits:

The video opens with The Haus Of Gaga Christmas card photo. I think Uncle John's making a funny face in this one, we'll take another just in case.

"Why Lady Gaga, what big eyes you have!"
"All the better to be fierce with, my dear."

"Quick, grab her before she gets away with all the diamonds!"

These close ups, where Gaga is crying, make her look so intensely beautiful.

That cape? Is FIYA!

When The Video Doesn't Match The Song: Snow Patrol's "Just Say Yes"

I loved Snow Patrol's brilliant Eyes Open album, but the singles I heard from their last release did nothing for me. But when I heard this new song from the Irish band's upcoming Up To Now hits collection I was excited again!

The song is synthy pop brilliance, the chorus is very "Chasing Cars" vocally but musically it's a lot more poppy and almost upbeat. I really enjoyed hearing Gary Lightbody's warm and loose vocals over the bed of pop beats and keyboards, it creates an urgency that makes his vocals contrast.

But the vocals of the song stay loose and smooth, warm and beautiful but not urgent or hysterical. So why is Gary pulling diva faces and jumping around in the clip for the single? If he wanted to show us that level of angst and pain, he should have sung it that way. It may have improved the song, it may have ruined it. I don't know. But the faces he's making don't match the voice that comes out, which destroys the integrity of the clip. The song gets a pair of thumbs up, the video is a waste of time:


Snow Patrol - Just Say Yes

Snow Patrol | MySpace Video

A Real Housewife, A Real Moment Of Musical Brilliance

For those who thought Paris Hilton's Paris was the height of pop music excellence in the new millennium, I have some news for you...

Kim Zolciak is the talented blond from Real Housewives Of Atlanta who makes Paris look like one of those indie chicks who think they can sing but obviously can't. I mean, Fiest doesn't even use a vocoder. What kind of music is that? Seriously, Miley Cyrus's "Party In The USA" might have some competition in the Party Anthem Of All Time. Because here, with the most brilliant pop melody and sheer vocal talent, is Kim's "Tardy For The Party"



Clearly Lady Gaga and Madonna can retire, Cher shouldn't even consider another comeback and Britney and Christina can stick to stay-at-home mom status because we don't need any other pop stars now that Kim Zolciak has blessed us with her gift. All praise to Jesus and hair extensions. Thank you, Andy Cohen, for allowing us to witness the birth of a live performer who will make Barbra Streisand weep.

New Gaga! "Dance In The Dark" Shows Why The Fame Monster Is Pretty Much The Most Fabulous Thing To Happen In 2009

For all the gays crying into their cosmos over our decidedly unfabulous loss of marriage rights in Maine, Lady Gaga has some advice: "Dance In The Dark"

OK, so the newly leaked track (from The Fame Monster) is not about gay marriage, but it's pretty much the gayest song from Lady Gaga. (You didn't think she could top "Boys Boys Boys", but she did.) Complete with eighties synths, a "Vogue"-style breakdown in the middle listing every icon and diva ever (including a Princess Diana shoutout that kills!) and chorus so catchy I had it memorized after three listens, "Dance In The Dark" is literally my favorite song of all time, and I've only just heard it today.

I really hope this is a single, not just an album track. Because girlfriend's "Bad Romance" is so fucking hot, it needs something just as spicy to keep the glitter train rolling all the way to the Haus Of Gaga. Listen: (if YouTube clip disappears, listen at The Hype Machine)

Trashy Thrusdays: "One In A Million" - Bosson

Trashy Thursdays will be happening every Thursday (duh) and will feature the trashy pop songs I kinda love. Don't get it twisted, I think pop music is an art form. But like all art, there are brilliant artistic works that are fresh and dynamic and new as well as less inspired pieces of art. Sometimes those less inspired bits are as much fun as the "good" stuff, that's why we're getting trashy!

In 200, the film Miss Congeniality reintroduced us to the screwball comedy side of Sandra Bullock. The soundtrack introduced me to Bosson and his Backstreet Boys rip off/trash pop classic "One In A Million"

Bosson is a Swedish pop singer who wrote the smaltzy lyrics for his girlfriend at the time, a Miss Sweden winner. It only seems fair it would be a song for the Miss United States pageant. "One In A Million" starts off with a soft falsetto over songs strings and a gently plucked guitar. The first verse is soft electro-pop, the chorus soars with the bizarre lyrics only Swedish songwriters can write. Then the rap bridge take sit over the top - even rhyming "possible" with "impossible." It's so trashy, and I love it.

Review: "New Moon: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack"

I'm not really a "Twihard", but I've read the first two Twilight books, saw the first film and bought the soundtrack. Also, I drool a little over R.Pattz, but what self-respecting gay man doesn't? I do want to see New Moon, and I thought I should check out the soundtrack.

Looking over the artists who contributed all-new material and mixes, it seems a lot more indie-rock than the more emo-slathered soundtrack from Twilight. Should be totally too cool for school, right? The Killers, Death Cab For Cutie, Lykke Li, St Vincent, Grizzly Bear - all have gotten heavy plays at Pics & Convos headquarters and much love in the year-end lists. I should be kvelling.

But I'm not. I'm guessing the producers were going for atmospheric heartbreak, but the sameness from track to track is sleep-inducing. I had to check the tracklist constantly to see which song I was listening to, unless they featured the distinctive vocals of Lykke Li or The Killers' Brandon Flowers. The slow, plodding pace of the songs don't exactly give me high hopes for the film, making this album fail as a marketing piece as well as a musical statement.

This doesn't mean none of the songs are good. Anya Marina's "Satellite Heart" is very pretty, in fact I kinda love it's simple, folksy beauty. The New Moon Remix of Muse's "I Belong To You" is very cool, very seventies glam rock. And lead single "Meet Me On The Equinox" from indie gods Death Cab For Cutie is a decent pop song with a somewhat catchy chorus. But most of these songs are instantly forgettable, if you even stay awake long enough to hear them. But you should try to keep sleep at bay, the disc ends with a movement from Alexandre Desplat's haunting score. "New Moon (The Meadow)" is starkly piano-driven and simply gorgeous. Perhaps a disc of the just the score would have been a better investment.

You Know That They Could "Use Somebody"

Nashville-based Kings Of Leon have been toiling away for ten years, with little success in the US. The UK started embracing them last year and at last they have a few US hits, including the rock ballad "Use Somebody" which has been growing on me for the last few months of it's chartlife.

"Use Somebody" will probably be the band's signature song, but that hasn't stop three artists from place their own stamp on the hit. Below:
The always brilliant Kelly Clarkson has been performing a mash-up of the single with Alanis Morrissette's "That I Would Be Good" on tour.
Emo/punk-poppers Paramore stopped by BBC Radio One's Live Lounge in September and did a fairly faithful acoustic version.
Bat For Lashes also dropped by the Lounge in the beginning of the year and added a spooky organ and tamborine to the haunting melody.
American Idol's Brooke White covered the track for her recent release, High Hopes & Heartbreaks, and did it a sunny, 1970s FM Radio way.
One Tree Hill star and singer Tyler Hilton uses a piano to give the song a little gravitas.
Kings On Leon perform live.

Read This: "Pride And Prejudice And Zombies" by Jane Austen & Seth Grahame-Smith

Can we agree that Jane Austen's Pride And Prejudice is one of the greatest books of all time? (We can't? I'm not sure we can be friends anymore...) The Regency-era romance is a chick-lit classic, a Brit-lit staple and for more a than a few girls (and boys,) a constant re-read. I've seen both of the major filmed adaptions, the 5-hour miniseries featuring Colin Firth (in a bathtub, no less!) and the more recent version with Keira Knightley as heroine Elizabeth Bennett. I've also seen the bouncy and brightly colored spectacle that is the Bollywood version, Bride & Prejudice. The story lends itself to film very well, but can the main story actually be improved in print? If you add zombies, it can.

In Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, a parody/homage/adaptation of the Austen's most-loved novel, the plot remains virtually identical to the source material. Mrs. Bennett is still trying to marry off her five daughters, Mr. Darcy is still so proud and Jane and Mr. Bingley are still star crossed lovers for a good part of the story. Even some of the dialogue remains the same. The difference? England is besieged by zombies (referred to in turn as unmentionables or Satan's army) and the Bennett sisters trained with their father in the east on martial arts to fend off attacking brain-eaters.

Lizzy remains a model of the strong young woman, not just resistant to the allures of an easy marriage to her unattractive and obnoxious cousin Mr Collins but also a strong fighter, taking down zombies with guns, swords and her bare hands. When she meets Lady Catherine De Bourgh, the greatest warrior Britain has ever known, she spars with her troop of ninjas before sparring verbally with her.

The scene where Elizabeth rejects Darcy is probably one of the most delicious reworkings in the book. The dialogue is almost lifted verbatim from the original text, but spoken during a heated fight. The mind swims with the theatrical possibilities. And the tweaking results in a hilarious twist on Lydia's marriage, while the story of the Collins's is quite sweet and sad.

It's a fast-paced horror/romance hybrid with all the regency era niceties mixed in with the gory brain-eating. I highly recommend it, even if your not an Austen fan like me.

A trailer for the follow-up novel, Sense & Sensibility & Sea Monsters:

Trashy Thursdays: "Evacuate The Dancefloor" - Cascada

Trashy Thursdays will be happening every Thursday (duh) and will feature the trashy pop songs I kinda love. Don't get it twisted, I think pop music is an art form. But like all art, there are brilliant artistic works that are fresh and dynamic and new as well as less inspired pieces of art. Sometimes those less inspired bits are as much fun as the "good" stuff, that's why we're getting trashy!

Remember when Cascada came out of nowhere (actually, Germany) to take over pop radio with the trashiest euro-pop single ever? "Everytime We Touch" was the slickest, most synthetic and crazy-dancable single to hit the airwaves in 2006. The band squeezed out another hit, a cover of country ballad "What Hurts The Most", in 2008.

Now they are back with another bit of trash for the disco ducks in the clubs. "Evacuate The Dancefloor" is the title track of their recent release and it rips off the beat, style and melodic sequence of Lady Gaga's "Just Dance" so perfectly I could swear that a copyright claim should have been filed. The only reason I don't hate it? Because the chorus is catchy as fuck!

After a few listens I find myself randomly singing out "Evacuate The Dancefloor!" at inappropriate times. Also, "stop, this beat is killing me!" You'd think I was being murdered by club kids after an ElectroQueer show.

Adam Lambert's New Album Cover Is Extra Fabulous

Doesn't Adam look loverly on the cover of his new album? It's so very glamorous, the flossy flossy. My favorite part is the blue and black hair, but the tasteful gauged sparkle earrings and the chains hanging from the fingerless gloves are also very prettiful. I also rather enjoy the outerspace background, Chart Rigger notes it's possibly a tribute to Blake Lewis's first album. Damn all these beautiful girls...

Also: is he naked? If so... mmmmmmmmmmmm.....

9 Things About The New Britney Single & Singles Collection

Britney dropped a naughty new single a few weeks ago in prep for a new singles collection. These are the things you need to know:

1: The song is called "3"

2: It was co-written by longtime Britney Spears collaborator Max Martin, writer of "...Baby, One More Time," "Oops... I Did It Again" and "If U Seek Amy"


3: Yes, it's about three-ways.

4: Peter, Paul & Mary are mentioned in the chorus. The folk trio have never admited to having a threeway. Mary Travers, lone female member of the group, passed away September 16 - thirteen days before "3" was released to radio. That gives her ample time to roll over in her grave.

5: "3" will be included as the only newly recorded track for The Singles Collection. This is the second hits package from Britney.

6: "3" debuted at number 1 on the Billboard Hot 100, the first time a single has done so since Taylor Hicks' "Do I Make You Proud?" in 2006.

7: Britney's first hits package, Greatest Hits: My Perogative, included two new singles, "My Perogative" and "Do Somethin'" Neither single is included on the regular The Singles Collection.

8: The Singles Collection Box Set will include all 29 singles and a b-side or remix for each. I want it.

9: The box set also includes a DVD of 26 of Britney's videos, including the shitty ones. "Boys" is missing, and the fans are PISSED.

Now you know. And knowledge is power.

Why Did No One Tell Me Taylor Swift Did A Duet With Boys Like Girls?

Rude! I'd heard this beautifully slow burning duet on the radio the last week or so but the DJs never identified it. I kinda thought it might be Taylor Swift, but since I'd bought her last album and the song wasn't on it I figured I was wrong.

I was not wrong! (OK, I was wrong about being wrong, but that doesn't count.) My girl T-squeezy recorded a duet with emo-pop band Boys Like Girls for there latest disc Love Drunk, the lead single and title track of which is pretty hot. Not hot enough to provoke me into buying the album, which was a mistake because "Two Is Better Than One" is the shiz-nitty.

I love slow burning love ballads, they start cool and slow then rise in a spiral of crazy theatrics. And when it's a duet between one of the hottest young country starlets and a vocalist who can do great things (but oftimes fails, see "Thunder") it's epic. The soft guitar, the strings, Taylor's female vocal matching pace with lead singer Martin Johnson's, it like a poppier version of the duet from Once.

It's really brilliant, I almost thought it was a single from a new film soundtrack or something. Listen:

Why You Need To Visit Owl City And Gather Some "Fireflies"

When I first heard Owl City's bubbly single "Fireflies" on my local radio station a few weeks ago, I wasn't sure if I liked it. The electronic sound is so sweet and cuddly, the lyrics so random and adorable it almost seems too cute for it's own good.

But the more I heard it, the more I liked the fact that it was so unique, so fresh and different from the sounds I'd been hearing on the radio. That's what I want from a radio station - a mix of new stuff I haven't heard before, not seventeen clones of the same slutty pop star and 12 versions of the same rap brag over an electro beat I've heard twenty times before. Literally, I have never heard music quite like this, electronic yet restrained. It sounds like the soundtrack to a dream, which is strange since Owl City's Adam Young suffers from insomnia.

I love the strings, the bubbly beat, the fact that a song called "Fireflies" is actually about fireflies. Oh, and Matthew Thiessen from my favorite band Relient K adds some vocals. It's a ridiculous pop song, but so new and amazing. I never want to stop hearing it. Listen:

Owl City - Fireflies
by UniversalMusicGroup

I just downloaded the full album, expect a full review. Can the one-man electro band hold up this level of strange quality for 14 tracks? We'll see.

Trashy Thursdays: Miley Cyrus - "Party In The USA"

Trashy Thursdays will be happening every Thursday (duh) and will feature the trashy pop songs I kinda love. Don't get it twisted, I think pop music is an art form. But like all art, there are brilliant artistic works are fresh and dynamic and new as well as less inspired pieces of art. Sometimes those less inspired bits are as much fun as the "good" stuff, that's why we're getting trashy!

Ok, I'mma be honest here. I HATED this song when it first came out. I still kinda do, but after the flaccid melody and trite lyrics of "The Climb" any Miley Cyrus single is bound to be an improvement.

Miley was born to make trashy pop, the spawn of country flash-in-the-pan Billy Ray Cyrus has been a child star for a few years before churning out of trash-pop's greatest songs "See You Again." Every crap-tastic single that has followed has paled before that piece of surf-guitar-meets-Kylie-electro-pop brilliance that crashed over me in spring '08. And "Party In The USA" was destined to be merely an annoyingly catchy follow-up to the horrors of "Fly On The Wall."

That is, until the gays got a hold of it. Once a couple of Fire Island boys pop your CD in and start lipsynching on the beach, you have arrived. You are a goddess of trashy pop music; the paragon of all things tacky, yet refined. Miley, I salute you. And to the uninitiated, I present the masterpiece of YouTube: "Party In The FIP"

Review: Blake Lewis - "Heartbreak On Vinyl"

I gotta feeling (woo hoo) that the back half of 2009 is gonna be good one for electronic music. From the electro-washed singles from The Black Eyed Peas' latest to a revamped The Fame Monster from our Lady of perpetual Gaga and recent singles from Cascade and David Guetta making a dent at radio, this is the year the dancefloor takes over the world. And Blake Lewis's sophomore project on famed dance label Tommy Boy records is primed to add to the frenzy.

Heartbreak On Vinyl continues a fine trend on titling started by Kanye (808s & Heartbreaks) and continued by Brooke White (High Hopes & Heartbreaks) but it's the music that has me excited. The title track opens the disc with a bang, a distinctly '80s throwback ala Pet Shop Boys with a hot beat and keyboard tones. Following that is "Binary Love" a more futuristic robot pop song with a heavy electronic sound. Lead single "Sad Song" sounds a lot like Blake's previous album Audio Day Dream, one of the few songs that have that distinction. This is more grown-up techno, featuring more risque lyrics and more club-ready beats that that prior American Idol-sanctioned release.

From the S&M themed "Love Or Torture (Please Don't Stop)" to the ode to dirty dancing "Freak" this is the Blake that fans knew was hiding behind the 19 Entertainment white wash. And it's not just the lyrics that have matured, the sound is very hip-hop meets techno with a little of the beatboxing that earned him his Idol fanbase. But not all is nasty freaky dancefloor getdowns, "The Point" is a beautifully chilled out ballad with acoustic guitars and a male choir that intermingles with the electronic sounds. And I really enjoyed way Blake incorporates musical talk into a lot of the lyrics. For a muso like me, it's really cool.

If you enjoy fresh techno sounds, this is the second best album of the year.

I'm Back! And So Are The Idols!

What better way to tempt me into returning to the blogosphere than new singles from the American Idols '09? Alison Iraheta, Adam Lambert and Kris Allen all have new shit to smear in my ear and I'm loving it!

First, my girl Alison worked with Pink/Kelly Clarkson/Britney Spears producer Max Martin like all good pop stars should. Seriously, if you don't love at least four of the Swedish mastermind's compositions you probably hate music. PopEater had the premiere of "Friday I'll Be Over U" which is a stunner of a pop rock track.

Sounding like the love child of Santigold and P!nk, Alison tears into the electronicly enhanced rock chorus that is a tribute of sorts to The Cure's "Friday I'm In Love." While her vocals are somewhat tamed from the rock animal that we heard on the show, this is the perfect vehicle to get her into the heads of non-Idol fans. Catchy as hell, I give it a major thumbs up! Available on iTunes tomorrow.


Second, the Glam One, Adam Lambert provides a power ballad to the soundtrack of new disaster flick 2012. "Time For Miracles" is getting a lot of comparisons to Aerosmith's "Don't Want To Miss A Thing" which is somewhat valid. Not since Steven Tyler have we had a male singer so committed to bombastic vocals. But the over-use of strings as the track builds is what really makes it sound so much like the Armageddon track. And while I would prefer something a little less cheesy as the introduction Adam makes to the non-Idol watching crowd, I have to say "Time For Miracles" does not downplay any of his strengths and is also catchy as hell. Listen here. Video premieres before screenings of "Micheal Jackson's This Is It", single available October 27.

Third, Idol winner Kris Allen releases his single "Live Like We're Dying." That title sounds like every Switchfoot song ever, but the song itself has a strangly funky beat. A rock piano line takes center stage, with really strong drums and ultra-inspirational lyrics. The lyrics remind me of "Seasons Of Love" from Rent or any number of Fray or Nickleback singles. It's all about living in the moment, telling people we love them because this could be our last moment. It could be smaltzy with the wrong musical background, but the upbeat sound keeps it fresh and cool. I am pleasantly surprised. The single is currently available on iTunes.



And as a bonus, Kris covering Britney Spears at an all-girls high school breast cancer event. It's magical...

Trashy Thursday: Vanessa Williams - "Save The Best For Last"

Trashy Thursdays will be happening every Thursday (duh) and will feature the trashy pop songs I kinda love. Don't get it twisted, I think pop music is an art form. But like all art, there are brilliant artistic works are fresh and dynamic and new as well as less inspired pieces of art. Sometimes those less inspired bits are as much fun as the "good" stuff, that's why we're getting trashy!

OK, I love me some divas. And Vanessa Williams is a goddess of feirceness with lovely vocal skills and decent acting chops. But can we talk about her post-Miss America scandal pop breakthrough? I love it so, it's one of my all time favorite songs. But the lyrics, especially on the chorus, are so laughable I have to call Trashy on it!

"Sometimes the snow comes down in June" OK, I'll give you that. Maybe you're in Australia. "Sometimes the sun goes round the moon" Yeah, I'm not a astronaut or anything but I'm pretty sure that's impossible. "Just when I thought our chance had passed, you go and save the best for last" Aww, it's sweet and a little resigned. Add in some seriously dramatic strings and a sad piano line underneath some seriously emotive vocals and it's a master class in cheesy pop balladry. Which is why I frakkin' love it!

But the video is pure early-1990s. The faux-fur coat, the sparkly champagne colored turtleneck with matching gold leggings, the nude shoulders shot tastefully in black-and-white, the string group playing under a projected video of Vanessa. It's "classy" - quotes included.

I hope no one thinks I dislike the song or Vanessa. I love this song, but I also understand it's kinda trashy. Enjoy it anyway...

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Dust Has Just Begun To Form Crop Circles In The Carpet...

Oh, people of the internets! I have failed you these last few months, and I do apologize for my lack of posts in the time I was nurturing my fledgling relationship with my new boyfriend. I still have him, and I've been trying to make time for work, blogging and a personal (read: hot sex) life.

But now a new wrinkle has formed - I am moving! It's just a few streets away, but the packing and moving is taking more time than I had assumed. It's been a while since I uprooted. Plus, I was dumb and agreed to lead (and create) a Bible study for church.

My personal situation is coming first for a few weeks instead of half-assing it here and in the "real world", but I am hoping no later than October 7th I will be back and ready for action. I'm going to preload some Trashy Thursdays to keep y'all entertained during the move, though. And when I come back I'll be shooting for at least one post each weekday and occasional weekend posts. We'll see! Anyway, stay tuned!

Just for shits & giggles: Boys, Boys, Boys...

Trashy Thursday: Jump5 - "Spinning Around"

Trashy Thursdays will be happening every Thursday (duh) and will feature the trashy pop songs I kinda love. Don't get it twisted, I think pop music is an art form. But like all art, there are brilliant artistic works are fresh and dynamic and new as well as less inspired pieces of art. Sometimes those less inspired bits are as much fun as the "good" stuff, that's why we're getting trashy!

Back in the day, when I was a good boy who only listened to Christian music and attended church every time the doors were open, there was a Christian teen pop market. It was filled with wholesome alternatives to Britney and S Club 7 and a lot of it was pretty good. Racheal Lampa had a beautiful voice and Stacie Orrico was the funky girl-next-door who wrote piano ballads about friends with anorexia. But when a group of kids a couple years younger than myself joined forces for Jump5 (the gospel answer to S Club 7) even I knew it was gloriously trashy.

Of course, I was a closet case so I couldn't figure out why I thought Chris was so darn attractive. It's not as pervy as it sounds, he's only two years younger than me. OK, kinda pervy. But the song is pure cheese with a layer of smaltz (and braces!) Plus, the lyrics are vauge enough that parents would assume that God was the ones spinning them around, but I'm pretty sure the Disney Channel crowd assumed that it was some cute young thing turnin' it upside down. Either way, complete trash you need to see to believe!




If that's not trashy enough, here's a link to a cover of "Beauty & The Beast" from the DVD release of that Disney film.

American Idols Rocked The House In Reading, PA

If you are an Idol fanatic, you know that watching the show just isn't enough. You need more. You need YouTube clips of Clay Aiken singing in school and homemade t-shirts declaring you allegiance to Glambert Nation. And you know that when the American Idols Live tour hits a town near you, you will sell your soul for tickets.

Because the Idols Live is insanity. It just is. We sat behind a crazed fan who brought printouts of photos blended with a scrapbooking program to create glorious Adam Lambert collages involving the words "ring of fire." She was hoping to run into the Glamorous One, and we sat in the seats where that could of happened!

Beside the seats we were in, there was a curtained doorway with a metal gate. Before the show even started Matt Giraraud (the faux-Timberlake guy) popped through the curtain wearing a fake mustache and eyebrows. The one girl in the group in front of us managed to get a picture with him and promptly broke into weeping and shaky texting. Major fan craziness!

Throughout the show, Alison Iraheta popped her adorable little face through. I waved like a four-year-old meeting Mickey Mouse. Micheal Sarver also kept peeking through, who has lost some weight and gotten even roughneckedly hotter. And Crazy Glambert Grandma claims to have caught a glimpse of my sworn enemy/doppelganger The Gokey through the edge of the curtain. Basically the best seats in the house.

We were also somewhat close to the stage, where the real reason we came was happening. The show counted down the contestants in order of vote-offs, so we started at number ten, Micheal. Like I said, looking very hot. He sang two songs, Gavin DeGraw's "In Love With A Girl" which was hot and NE-YO's "Closer" which was decent. He also frequently commanded he crowd to make some noise, which got a little annoying.

Megan Joy followed, her hot pink dress and heels made her look like Tattoo Barbie. She also performed two numbers, "Put Your Records On" which was really good and Amy Winehouse's "Tears Dry On Their Own" which had the f-word redacted. Both suited her unusual way of vocalizing, and I was pleased to see her for once.

After Megan sauntered offstage, Scott McIntyre rose from the floor at the piano to perform. It was a dramatic way to enter, and his version of "A Thousand Miles" by Vanessa Carlton was stellar.

Lil Rounds had one of the hottest video openers, her picture was reflected in her sunglasses. She did a Mary J medley that was smoking, her shoes were on fire. She followed that with "No One" by Alicia Keys and did a very good job also. Closing with Beyonce's "Single Ladies" she told the crowd she worked with the original choreographer for the performance, which led to a major letdown. It was really basic movements, I wouldn't even call it dancing. But her vocals were amazing and that's what counts!

Anoop then rose from the floor to perform his heartrending version of "You Were Always On My Mind" followed by another ballad before closing with a crowd-pleasing "My Perogative." He is a showman, working a stand-still behind the mic for "On My Mind" and really rocking the stage the rest of the set.

Matt Giraurd, pegged all season as a smooth r&b man and blasted by the judges every time he strayed from that sound, opened with The Black Crowes "Hard To Handle" and rocked the fuck out of it. He slipped behind the piano after that for "Georgia On My Mind" and The Fray's "You Found Me" - another song disliked by the judges but loved by fans like me. I think it was a bit of an F-You to Randy and Kara, and I heartily approve.

All the Idols that had already performed returned to the stage in a variety of combinations (including Scott and Matt on dueling pianos!) which was capped with all six doing The Four Seasons' "Beggin'" which was soulful and beautiful.

After an intermission, Alison took the stage. She opened with Pink's "So What" which fit perfectly into her wheelhouse. She followed it with Janis Joplin's "Cry Baby" and Heart's "Barracuda." She picked songs that worked well with her rough yet soaring voice.

Then came Gokey. I promised not to be rude when he came out, and since he came out with the only one of his performances I didn't hate I didn't. He opened with "P.Y.T." from Micheal Jackson night and did it well. Then he destroyed Santana's "Maria, Maria" with a awful, horrible attempt at Latin dancing. At some point, he straddled his mic stand like a male stripper and ripped off his jacket. Yeah, "role model." He followed that with a pair of trite Rascall Flatts jams, with a moment for him to spout off about going through hard times and being yourself and blah-blah-blah. So over him...

BECAUSE IT WAS TIME FOR GLAMBERT!!!!!! Adam roared like a mighty train of rock as he pummeled the stage during "Whole Lotta Love." He wanted to give us every inch of his love and just bent us over and did just that. He followed that with Muse's "Starlight" which he sang in a higher register than I've heard him do before. He also reprised "Mad World" and brought Alison onstage for their Foghat duet. I though that was the end, but no. He launched into a David Bowie medley, starting with "Life On Mars" and "Fame" before tearing the shit out of "Let's Dance." During the course of the medley he lost his jacket and picked up some hip gyrations that just screamed electric sex. It was epic!

I was concerned that Kris Allen, this year's winner, would be a letdown after all that showboating. But he opened with his revelatory "Heartless" from top three week. He added more instruments from the live TV version, but not the sleepy lounge sounds of the iTunes studio version. Rock guitars swelled on the chorus, as well a violins. It was massive and perfect for an arena tour. He actually skipped his coronation single to do The Killer's "All These Things That I've Done" which rocked really hard. I didn't expect that from him. When I saw the piano rise behind him, I knew it was time to weep. Kris pulled no punches on his stellar take on "Ain't No Sunshine" and it felt so much more powerful live and in full. After that, he slipped a little with Matchbox 20's "Bright Lights" and the overplayed Beatles classic "Hey Jude."

The rest of the Idols joined him at the end of "Hey Jude" and then rocked out on "Don't Stop Believin'" It was the perfect song to end the night, and after three hours I was never gonna stop.

Matt is performing 'You Found Me' as a big fuck you to Randy? I think so.

Megan Joy came out in a hot pink mini dress and heels, looking like Tattoo Barbie. Sounds good, though.

Omg, Matt Giraud just poked his head out into the crowd right by our seats.

We are sitting behind a crazy Glambert fan and her folder of photos. Thats my kind of obsessed fan.

American Idols LIVE Tonight!

It's happening, people. I know I haven't been hyping it like I usually do with these kinds of events, but I will be in Reading, PA watching Kris, Glambert, Alison, Gokey (eww!) and the rest of the American Idols tonight! Watch for text posts through out the night!!!

Review: David Guetta - "One Love"

The press release calls David Guetta's second album "genre-busting" and it's hard to argue with that. You can call it pop music, but in reality it's an amalgam of techno, hip-hop, pop, gospel and rock - which is what makes One Love a perfect pop disc.

Lead single "When Love Takes Over" features Kelly Rowland, acting as a muse of sorts. That song is simply devine, a perfect summery pop confection with diva vocals and a great beat. The Destiny's Child member appears on two other tracks, including a hi-NRG duet with NE-YO called "Choose." Also triple-hitting is Will.I.Am who appears solo, with fellow Black Eyed Pea Apl De Ap and with the whole gang on a remix of the Guetta-produced chart-topper "I Gotta Feeling." "I Wanna Go Crazy" is heavy techno with a spunky hook of "I wanna celebrate life with a Suicide Girl."

The title track, featuring Estelle, is brilliant. A mesmerizing blend of techno and gospel choirs, "One Love" is a true stand-out. Akon guests on "Sexy Bitch" and David Guetta does the impossible - makes his voice palatable. The lyrics are quite funny, also.

In reality, this is fun party album with a lot of great dance music. I really recommend it.

Sugababes "Get Sexy", Sample Right Said Fred

I know, it seems like every non-Madonna post this week has featured a sample. That's cause it did. I don't know if the music world is that lazy, or if we have literally run out of words and sounds and have no choice but to recycle songs. Al Gore probably approves.

Anyway, skankalicious British girl-group Sugababes have been burning up the charts in the UK for years, but US audiences have been denied their charms. Until now. Jay-Z's Roc Nation label is releasing their new disc Sweet 7 in the US and the first single is "Get Sexy."

It's a crazy club banger that reminds me of Kevin Rudolf's "Let It Rock" until the chorus goes all Right Said Fred. The trio use the melody and lyric structure from one of the most ridiculous one-hit wonders off all time, "I'm Too Sexy" and I think it works in a very trashy kind of way. I course, my taste level has always been suspect so you should totally watch and let me know...

Trashy Thursday: Vanessa Hudgens - "Come Back To Me"

Trashy Thursdays will be happening every Thursday (duh) and will feature the trashy pop songs I kinda love. Don't get it twisted, I think pop music is an art form. But like all art, there are brilliant artistic works are fresh and dynamic and new as well as less inspired pieces of art. Sometimes those less inspired bits are as much fun as the "good" stuff, that's why we're getting trashy!

You may know Vanessa Hudgens from the High School Musical series of films for Disney. Or you may know her from her inability to keep her clothes on while texting pictures to her guyfriends. Either way, you should know her from her ridiculously trashy single "Come Back To Me."

In this bouncy string-laden hip-pop confection, "Baby V" samples the Player smooth rock/soul classic "Baby Come Back" to open the chorus and play behind her own verses. It works really well in context, for one it isn't the backbone of the song, just a vocal flourish. And the beat is really kinda fun, just because the girl doesn't have a fabulous voice doesn't mean she can't give us a fabulously trashy song.

The video is so basic, but I love the bit when she's dancing under the blinking chandeliers. I want a room full of blinking chandeliers!

ZOMG! The New Madonna Video Is Free On iTunes! (Until Tomorrow)

Run, don't walk. Get thee to a nunnery and borrow their PC to download Madonna's "Celebration" video from iTunes for free. It's far from her best video, but it's a really cool dance-centric clip featuring Madge in thigh-high boots (fucking hot!) and a rhinestone cover dress that looks almost age appropriate yet very sexy.

Madonna's daughter, Lourdes, also appears briefly towards the end of the video. Dancing in a colorful tank and black leggings, she proves she may have the dancing chops to follow in her mom's footsteps one day. She does a back flip at the 3:15 mark, it's really awesome. Madonna also enlists a multi-racial group of dancers to get really crazy with high kicks and flips and break dancing. It's the most fun I've seen the Material Mom have since Music. The embed below probably won't last long, but you can watch below:



That's not all, kiddies! Apparently there will be a second video for the single, which also features Lourdes Maria Ciccone Leon - this time in full-on "Like A Virgin" garb. It almost brought a tear to my eye to see her looking so much like her mom in this leaked pic:

With genes like that, how can't she be a star? Although, based on her impeccable fashion sense, I could see her in design before singing.

More Sampling: Jason DeRulo Samples Imogen Heap

Do you know who JR Rotem is? He's a sleazy hip-hop-flavored pop producer who is responsible for the crime against humanity that is Sean Kingston's career. But he's also given us Rihanna's hot "S.O.S." and Leona Lewis's "Better In Time" so I can't hate totally. He also claimed in an interveiw with Blender to have banged Britney Spears "wheelbarrow-style." We're back to hating him. Unless...

His newest production is a hip-hop jam by new artist Jason DeRulo which features a chorus lifted straight from Imogen Heap's The O.C.-soundtracking song "Hide & Seek". It's an interesting song to sample, the vocals were sped up to create a really different and unique sound. The rest of the song has a really earnest vocal, which helps offset my initial concerns about the sample being the only good part (ala Flo Rida's "Right Round") and the lyrics from the sample are worked into the rest of the song. In the end, after much debate, I think I like it. Listen:

Seriously, Cyber-Sex Never Sounded So Nerd-Hot...

Apparently there is this web series called The Guild which is about people who play online role playing games or something. I say apparently, because the only web series I ever watch is that Ugly Betty spin-off Mode After Hours. It's been around for a couple of years and is so popular it was funded by PayPal donations from fans before being sponsored by Sprint. The more you know...

Anyway, why am I giving digital ink to a show I have yet to watch a single second of? Because every blog in the world is posting a music video/commercial performed by Felicia Day on lead vocals and the rest of the cast of The Guild. "Do You Wanna Date My Avatar?" is a sexy Aqua-esque pop jam about dating virtual characters. Even if I knew what half the references meant, I don't think I could love it any more than I do. The video is fucking ridiculous, with crazy faux-Middle Earth costumes mixed with Beyonce/Gwen Stefani-style dancing. The most RPG fun you can have without getting into cosplay.

Melanie Fiona Samples The Zombies And Gives It To Me Right

Seriously, the instrumental background of the Zombies late 1960s classic "Time Of The Season" features one of the hottest, slinkiest beats ever. That funky guitar and organ, the piano coda, the knock-kneed drum sound and breathy "ah" just scream electric acid sex and I am surprised it hasn't been sampled earlier. Actually, a rapper named Necro did sample the beat and chorus for a stupid and filthy single called "Who's Your Daddy" a few years ago and he did it quite poorly.

Now, in 2009 (42 years after the original) two singles have been released featuring the crazy good beat. The better of the two is by Melanie Fiona, a Canadian R&B singer who has had a minor hit in her home country. I've been hearing "Give It To Me Right" on DMX satellite radio and have been crazy about it ever since. Between the beat and Melanie's soulful voice, it has a sweet Amy Winehouse feel that is both retro and really fresh and cool. She's currently managed by Jay-Z's Roc Nation, so I'm really hoping for big things from this really awesome song. Listen here.

Mook N Fair's "Who's Your Daddy" is more straight up rap, the duo rhyming over the chorus and beat from the song. It's not as clever, and the rap is very basic brag raps about money. You can listen here.

Trashy Thursdays: "8th World Wonder" - Kimberly Locke

It's time to unveil a new feature at Pictures & Conversations! Trashy Thursdays will be happening every Thursday (duh) and will feature the trashy pop songs I kinda love. Don't get it twisted, I think pop music is an art form. But like all art, there are brilliant artistic works are fresh and dynamic and new as well as less inspired pieces of art. Sometimes those less inspired bits are as much fun as the "good" stuff, that's why we're getting trashy!

It was in 2003 that a sassy gal nicknamed K.Lo would come behind Clay Aiken (her future roommate) and Reuben Studdard on American Idol. I never saw that season, so my first taste of Kimberly Locke was this delightfully trashy pop single, "8th World Wonder."

It's really awful. Kimberly's vocals are good, she tries very hard to make lines like "seven days and seven nights of thunder/water's rising and I'm slipping under" seem anything but laughable. The music is generic teeny-pop sounds, which makes sense since producer Guy Roche also produced early Christina Aguilera hits like "What A Girl Wants." But it's catchy as hell, and you kinda root for this whirlwind romance to work out.

The video is hilariously trashy, we see the week long courtship going backwards with the date in the corner in really big, ugly Windows 95 fonts. Plus, the lame attempt at fashion forward outfits. The black jacket with the zippers on the sleeves is pretty cool, but the weird blouse with the missing shoulders that she answers the phone with on day 2 is just bad "plus size couture." And how about the dramatic page a day calander tear away? Hilar! Watch it here.

Despite being a trashy pop song, it was a huge hit in the Adult Contemporay market as well as in the dance clubs in a remixed format. Kimberly Locke has had many holiday hits since then, but as for a regular pop hit she's still looking for that followup to "8th World Wonder" Girlfriend needs to hook up with Max Martin, only he could make something equally trash-tastic.

The Hi Bias Club Mix:

LMFAO Are Out Of "Miami, Trick" (Thank God!) And Ready To "La La La"

The boys of LMFAO are riding high on the radio with their god-awful (yet catchy) "I'm In Miami, Trick" utilizing a blend of hip-hop, emo and electronica. Well, I am grateful they improved the mixture by adding a vocoder and a Paradiso Girl and lost some (but unfortunatly not all) of their tacky misogyny for the followup single "La La La"

The sound is pure techno with lush synths and bright keyboard tones and some electronic guitar-like sounds, the verses have a hip-hop flow but the chorus goes major electronica with a heavy vocoder. The video has a stupid opener, the guys create a computer program that allows them to interact with any female they want and then they end up in a computer generated music video with Chelsea from Paradiso Girls. After that, it's really kinda cute. The sound is updated Aqua mixed with some Gym Class Heroes, and I for one am loving it! Watch:

Oh, Kanye! How Do You Expect To "Run This Town" With Lyrics Like These?

Jay-Z just dropped a new single, and I'm really loving the beat and the Rihanna-sung hook. The lyrics are the usual Hova stuff, bragging about having money and fame and such. But Kanye, whom I usually love but has been slipping on his guest spots of late, turns in such a laughable third verse I can't help but wonder if he's just phoning it in anymore.

The first third of the verse makes lyrical sense, it's about the subject of the rest of the track -fame and fortune. Slightly disjointed, jumping from "everybody on my dick - no homo" to talking about buying his family cars to not wanting his picture taken at church. It fits with the theme, but the segues are poor.

But then comes the comedy gold. Kanye jumps to the topic of girls following him around and focusing on one in particular. This line is classic misogynistic stupidity:

"She got a ass that'll swallow up a g-string/And up top, unh... Two bee stings"

I think it's the "unh" that does it, I just lose it at that moment. Such a sick description of a woman's body, too. BUT! It gets better...

"And I'm beasting/Off the riesling/And my n----- just made it out the precinct"

Pure nonsense! And I hate the use of the n-word, even by African American rappers. But the first two lines make no sense at all. And he keeps going:

"We give a damn about the drama that you do bring/I'm just tryin' to change the color on your mood ring"

Are we still discussing Ms. "up top, uhn, two bee stings"? Because I would think after that comment, the mood ring color would need to be changed from Orange-Red for aggressive to Violet for "in love." Meanwhile, let's talk fashion with Kanye:

"Reebok, Baby/You need to drop some new things/Have you ever had shoes without shoe strings?"

I have, Kanye. I have. Oh wait, still chatting up that ass that swallowed up a g-string? My bad. Keep insulting her footwear choice, that usually gets the ladies in bed.

I just devolves into random Dr. Seuss rhyming games after that but 'Ye does manage to bring it round to the chorus at the end:

"You feelin' like your runnin', huh? Now you know how we feel"

Y'know, because we gonna run this town tonight... Rihanna, bring the vocals! The video is hot, though:

Jay-Z - New Music - More Music Videos

5 Songs To Sing In The Rain

It's been raining like hell for the past week here in Central PA, but I actually don't mind it. (Except when I have to go 35MPH on the highway because it's raining so hard!) I like the rain, and almost every time there is rain in the forecast, I gear up to sing one of these songs:

"Soon It's Gonna Rain"
I didn't even know where this song came from until a Google search, all I remember is hearing Della Reese sing a couple lines on an episode of Touched By An Angel and that's the part I always sing when the clouds gather. "Soon it's gonna rain, I can feel it/Soon it's gonna rain, I can tell/Soon it's gonna rain, and what are we gonna do" Turn out it's from the long-running musical The Fantastiks, but I will always sing it in a old gospel style. I can't find a clip of Della doing it, so enjoy Barbara Streisand's version:


Eurythmics - "Here Come The Rain Again"
The opening line is perfect for those when you look out the window and a drop hits the pane in front of you. At work, I almost always start singing this when we see the clouds descend and my coworkers scramble to get their car windows rolled up.


Garbage - "I'm Only Happy When It Rains"
While the title isn't entirely true for me, I rather enjoy the rain so I try to start singing this song whenever I walk into the rainy day without a care in the world.



The Weather Girls - "It's Raining Men"
What gay man doesn't love this campy disco classic? Whenever it's pouring down what other might call "cats and dogs," I call it raining men (hallelujah!) Perfect for those downpours that leave you absolutely soaking wet.


BJ Thomas - "Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head"
For a song about rain, it's an terribly sunny song. But when you thought the rain was almost over until those last few raindrops hit you it's time to sing out "I'm never gonna stop the rain by complaining!"

Tegan & Sara And Tiesto Reveal Some "Bones" (Yes, Lesbians Like Techno, Too)

I've enjoyed the occasional Tegan & Sara jam, "Back In My Head" was catchy as fuck and had a great sing-along chorus. But I don't really follow the alternative rock duo as a rule. On the flip side, I enjoy techno music but don't really get too obsessed with individual artists as much as singles. So I knew who Teisto was (he did great remixes for Avalon and Celine Dion) but don't follow his work either.

So why is a collabo between two pop artists that I barely care about the hottest shit ever? Because it just is, yo! "Feel It In My Bones" is a sweet slow techno rock jam. I'm all about it, the track is from Tiesto's forthcoming October release Kaleidoscope and it is FIRE HOT, people. The techno beat is there, but not overpowering and it has some nice synths as well as rock guitars and a catchy vocal. Seriously, I love it.

This new disc also features guest spots from Nelly Furtado and members of Sugar Rios and Bloc Party. Sounds like a party the indie rock children, pop chicas and club kids can get behind. Also, lesbians... Listen:

Tiesto Feat Tegan & Sara - Feel It In My Bones (Album Edit)
by sephiroth70

The VMAs Throw It Up For The "West Side"

I've kinda gotten over the whole MTV Video Music Awards thing, I'm not sure why a channel that shows approximately one hours worth of music videos a week is celebrating music videos. But I guess they have to have somewhere to show commercials for "The Hills."

The noms were fairly benign, I didn't even bother posting them this year. But, the promos are pretty cool. MTV is paying tribute to the VMAs returning to New York City this year by incorporating the most New York of Broadway shows into the commercials.

Nominees Cobra Starship, Taylor Swift and Katy Perry perform the "West Side Story" classic "Tonight" with altered lyrics. As much as I would rather hear it sung straight, I can't hate on a revival of the song in any way, shape or form. It's really cool that a classic Broadway song is making it on MTV, even just in promos. Even if Taylor Swift's voice sucked... (Did I just say that out loud?)

Cobra Starship - MTV Shows

Taylor Swift - MTV Shows

What Had Happened Was... (Or; Why You Didn't Get A Blog Post Yesterday)

People of teh Internets, listen up! I have not forgotten you, I know my new found personal life has kept me from being as prolific as usual, but it has resulted in an epic tale I must relay.

Yesterday, I slept in really late like one does on a day off with nothing planned. I awoke, watched some Alexa Chung and checked my Facebook. My boyfriend was supposed to be working from six to four, so I was surprised to see he was Facebooking at eleven in the morning.

I texted to find out what's up. I knew his job at a local warehouse had been sending people home early (without pay!) and was worried it was happening again. My phone was acting all hinky, not letting the text go so I turned it off and back on. I received a bunch of texts from all hours of the morning, my phone had been not getting the texts for hours. My sexykins had texted me twice, I never got either.

He had been sent home early, and since a friend had suggested applying at his workplace I checked out the website. I downloaded the application, printed it and some directions from the BF's house and called him to see if he wanted to go apply. The position was in the food service area at a retirement community which shares it's name with a local college. This is important.

I see that I have about three hours before the Human Resources office closes, so I dress and get in my car. It's a 40 minute drive to my sexykins place, so I exceed the speed limit almost every time I head over there. This time was no exception.

The exception was the police officer that started following me. I noticed him, noticed the 20 MPH difference between the limit and my speedometer and slowed down. Too late, the red and blue start flashing and I'm sitting on the side of 81 with a $109 ticket in my hand. What a waste of ten minutes!

So I follow posted traffic laws and make it to my destination without any further incident. We have about two hours to get the application filled out and get started on the Google Earth directions to M------ Village. The boyfriend thinks he knows a faster way, so I follow his directions. We arrive in just twenty minutes at Bethany Village. Not the same place!

I try to maintain my composure and pull out my directions. If we get to route 15 we can follow the directions I printed and continue on our path. Only twenty minutes wasted, we still have over an hour to get there. We hop on 15 North, only to realize very quickly that we must be past the exit on the Google map. I get off 15 and discover that the exit to get on 15 South is backed up due to traffic. Shit! BF knows a round about way to get on 15 further down, so we head out again.

We don't get too far when a train crossing stops us dead. By this time I have some Marianne Faithfull tunes on to quell the frustrations and I'm singing along. I am trying to breath slowing and not freak out about the delay when THE FUCKING TRAIN STOPS! OH MY FUCKING GOD WHAT THE FUCK ELSE CAN GO WRONG?

Not the sort of question should ask on a day like this. We make a U-turn and head further down the road. We hit a few traffic lights, and at one of the my car stalls out. WHAT THE FUCK? I breath in, turn the car off. I give it a little pat on the dashboard, murmur something about how nice this car is to me and turn it back on. It roars to life. JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL!

We finally make it on 15 and get off on the exit the directions tell us. We drive for a while and realize the next road listed isn't anywhere to be found. I stop at a Sheetz and wait as the manager listens to some old dude yammer on about some complaint that didn't make any sense. Finally I get a chance to ask him if he knows how to get to M------- Village. He gives me fairly clear directions and we head out.

We thought we found the road from the Google directions and veer off to try to follow it. It's wrong, so we head back to the Sheetz dude's directions. We make it to where there were supposed to be signs for M------- Village and instead find signs for M------- COLLEGE! Sweet baby Jesus, can this day get any worse?

By this point we had reached the time when the HR office closed for the day. But I was not about to give up! There had to be a receptionist, a head nurse, a frakkin' janitor we could give the application to. We drove back down the last road that we had found that was still on the printed directions. A sign on the side of the road mentioned a pumpkin festival hosted by the retirement community. I assumed that the Village must be around somewhere.

We pull onto the road by the sign and quickly find arrows directing us to the Village. We follow the arrows, only to discover that "Village" is not just a name. This retirement community is basically a giant development full of small houses and twisting roads. At it's heart is a massive hospital-style building. We assume this is where the HR office would be found.

But which of it's SEVEN entrances would it be found near. We try the nearest one. Sweet action! It has a sign directing us to Human Resources. We follow the arrow to... a series of unmarked, locked doors. Never mind, we knew no one would be in HR this late. The office had been closed for about twenty-five minutes by this point. We try each entrance in succession. One lead to a physical rehab center, one seemed like residential areas. The next took us to a closed door and an empty hallway. Finally, on the sixth entrance we find a cafeteria, and one of the staff was kind enough to lead us to the final entrance where a receptionist happily accept my boyfriend's application.

Let's hope the interview process isn't as exhausting.