Kelly Clarkson Aims For Gay Clubs With "What Doesn't Kill You"

I was out this past weekend for a birthday, and we went to local gay club Stallions (so discreet!) Now this isn't the type of gay club where they play Cazwell and obscure European dance pop, it's kinda lame with it's top 40 remixes on the dancefloor. But they played a really hot remix of Adele's latest single "Someone Like You" that reminded me of the heyday of club divas - big vocals over a slamming four-on-the-floor beat. I miss that CeCe Peniston/Martha Walsh sound!

Seems Kelly has been, too. She just put up the second official release of music off her upcoming 5th LP Stronger - the pseudo title track "What Doesn't Kill You (Stronger)" It starts out kinda indie-guitarish then hits the chorus and (to quote PopJustice) "explodes into gay." I need this in the club, not another Rihanna remix. Kelly is the last of the female megastars of the 00s to explore dance music, so I think she's due.

Based On A True Story

I've been reading almost exclusively non-fiction these days, which is a complete turn around from my childhood. The one genre that held my attention in between Nancy Drew then and histories of gay porn and disco now is celebrity memoirs. As a kid I devoured the entire autobiography section of our rural library - which meant I'd read autobios of Reba, Dolly, Barbara Mandrell and Kathie Lee by the time I was 15. As a sheltered child I knew of these names but very little of what they did. I was entranced by their stories none the less.

Recently I finished Ricky Martin's exquisite memoir Me. As much as I was hoping for a juicy tell all with lots of details about exploits with other attractive Latin men, it was a surprisingly engaging and very spiritual life story. He didn't name names but he did discuss in depth his own inner turmoil surrounding his sexuality, his infamous interview with Barbara Walters (where he denied his homosexuality) and eventual decision to come out while writing the book.

But Me is about a lot more than that. It's about leaving his family to join the factory-like atmosphere of Menudo, his exhaustion after his US breakthrough and his calling to protect children around the world from sex traffickers. He talks about becoming a father. It's beautiful and a rather literary read. It could have used a few more pictures of the sexy star, but it's not really that kind of book. Unfortunately.

But turning to something a little more silly on the surface, I also read Confessions Of A Prairie Bitch by Alison Arngrim. The former child star of Little House On The Prairie is to this day known around the world as the hateful brat Nellie Oleson, even to the point of being beat up at a press event by child fans of the show during its heyday.

But Alison's story is much deeper than playing one of the most famous villains on family friendly TV. Her parents were in a marriage of convenience, a gay father who pushed his two kids into any publicity to further their career. Her brother molested her, starting at age 6. And she lost her gay best friend and TV husband to AIDS. These events led her into speaking up for AIDS organizations and going on Larry King Live to get tougher incest penalties enacted in California. Being a prairie bitch opened doors and gave a hurt young girl strength.

I would highly recommend both books to more than just fans of these very different celebrities.

New Shiz from Lil Mama - "Scrawberry"

Kinda in love with this song!

Selena Gomez & The Scene Up The Ante On "When The Sun Goes Down"

It's no (longer) a secret that I've been stanning for Selena Gomez over the past year or so. Starting with her glorious first minor radio hit "Naturally" (from the otherwise snoozy Kiss & Tell) through the surprisingly funny and entertaining Wizard Of Waverly Place: The Movie, I grew to really enjoy her output.

Her second album, Year Without Rain, was a marked improvement over her debut but it was still weighed down with way too much filler. This is where Selena and her band The Scene get it right on When The Sun Goes Down. While a few tracks are totally skip-worthy, the bulk of the songs are great jams. The lead single, empowerment anthem "Who Says" is a sunny teen pop sing-along, also appearing in Spanish as "Dices." The bulk of the album is more dance poppy, with the new wave-y second single "Love You Like A Love Song" being a real stand out. Also worth checking out are "Bang Bang Bang" and the Britney Spears-penned "Whiplash" as well as the more laid back "We Own The Night" which was co-written and features British pop singer Pixie Lott.

Even if you're not a teeny bopper fan, club kids of all ages and stripes should find some fun, bouncy summer jams on this album. Bonus: the photos in the booklet are stunning.

In Defense of Brainless Comedy

I was never much a TV watcher as a young person. We didn't have cable, so our main exposure to TV was Sesame Street, then taped episodes of Touched By An Angel and Christy (starring Kellie Martin as a turn of the century school marm in Appalachia and Tyne Daly as her Quaker mentor) that my grandmother would send us.

As an adult I was mostly interested in music television, watching VH1, CMT and MTV2 until all hours of the night to learn about new bands, watch countdown lists to learn what was considered "the best" and catching videos that I had always been told were filthy only to learn they weren't that bad. Over time I became obsessed with dramas like Joan of Arcadia, Lost (though I still haven't seen the last season) and Ugly Betty and reality competition like American Idol, Project Runway and Top Chef. But there was only a brief period where TV really ruled my schedule.

Now, with the exception of American Idol, I no longer have a "must see show." But I love to laugh, and even if I've seen the show before, or haven't seen the show but know exactly where the joke is going, I will flip on really awful sitcoms just as much as the high brow stuff. Yes, Arrested Development was quite funny, as are smart britcoms like Little Britain and Coupling but I don't need groundbreaking stuff to elicit a chuckle. Hell, a plausible plot isn't even necessary.

Just look at my love for kiddie coms like Wizards Of Waverly Place or iCarly. One features a family of wizards, the other a group of high schoolers with a webshow that apparently generates enough dough to pay for a pretty nice apartment.

But Disney Channel's breakout Wizards actress Selena Gomez has ridiculous comic timing, as does her hot on screen brother David Henrie. The scripts are ludicrous, with vampires, mummies and angels randomly showing up to break hearts or wreak havoc. Selena's character Alex is delightful slacker who refuses to study her magic classes, leaving her always screwing up spells while cracking wise. Silly, I know, but it makes me laugh.

Mean on Nickelodeon, iCarly is even more ridiculous. Miranda Cosgrove's Carly frequently plays straight man to Jeannette McCurdy's badass prankster Sam. Carly lives with her older brother, a starving artist type that acts even younger than high school aged Carly. The webshow that Carly, Sam and friend/camera man Freddie produce is, thankfully, very briefly shown. It look obnoxious, but the situations the gang get into while going to school and producing the show are light and fluffy fun. Recurring gags like Sam's love of food and secret crush on her frienemy Freddie keep it interesting and silly. It makes me laugh.

But even adult sitcoms, like TvLand's current pair on Wednesday nights Hot In Cleveland and Happily Divorced, are not exactly high brow entertainment. I know Betty White nabbed an Emmy nom for Hot, but she's basically playing Rue McClannahan's part on Golden Girls while Valerie Bertinelli, Janes Leeves and Wendie Malick try for smalltown Sex & The City types. Not exactly fresh stuff, but it makes me laugh.

Fran Drescher pulls from real life in her new sitcom, Happily Divorced. After her hubby and producing partner came out as a gay man, the two created a sitcom based on the situation. While that could have lead into some fascinating insight into the real stories of late in life comings out, Happily Divorced never met a cliche it didn't love. And last weeks episode was very ham fisted in it's look at under-the-surface homophobia. But still, it makes me laugh.

Finally, Keeping Up With The Kardashians may not be a sitcom but that doesn't keep it from being as scripted as the rest of these shows. And it provides just as many laughs. From meddling mom Kris to the sisterly infighting to longsuffering hubby Bruce, these broadly played characters and scenarios are pulled from the sitcom handbook, right down to the Full House-y family hugs that end most episodes. What have we learned from this very special episode? It makes me laugh.

None of these shows are blowing me away with their new insights on humanity but, as I reiterated, they make me laugh. I don't have to follow the plot carefully, I can miss a couple episodes or even a few scenes in an episode whilst I flip over to Food Network and still get the gist and walk away chuckling. That's all I ask of my comedy. If I can get Noel Coward, Dorothy Parker or Jane Austen, I'll take it. But there's nothing wrong with an ABC Family original like Melissa & Joey or State Of Georgia, either. After all, it makes me laugh.

"He's Got The Whole World In His Pants"

Have you ever had a boneheaded moment when you realized that you have been singing the wrong words for years? Not just substituting "loaded gun complex" for "loaded God complex" in "Sugar, We're Going Down" or scrambling "Bohemian Rhapsody" but mis-singing the title of a popular song, over and over again?

As a kid, I had a book of these lyrical gaffes and we LOL'd over them frequently. "Hold my clothes and tie me down sir" instead of "Hold me closer, tiny dancer"? Silly human ears. Of course, "'Scuse Me While I Kiss This Guy" is now a website (interwebs is the new books, kids!) for you to browse other people's mistakes.

I was please to find out that I was not the only one mistaking the chorus of Til Tuesday's one hit "Voices Carry" to be "hush, hush/Even downtown was so scary"

However, it seems I am alone in thinking Prince wasn't singing about a "Little Red Corvette" but a "Mir-a-cle Man." As a child, I assume it was a Jesus song.

So, what lyrics have you goofed on?

Kelly Clarkson Doesn't "Let Me Down" On New Single (Possible Summer Jam?)

KELLY CLARKSON!!!!! ZOMG I LOVE YOU LONG TIME!!!!1!!

Sorry. Had a fangirl moment there. Ahem. Kelly's lead single from her upcoming, currently untitled, album is here and I am loving it. The OG Idol returns to the scorned-woman-rocking-out sound that served her well on singles like "All I Ever Wanted," "Walk Away," "Never Again," and "Since U Been Gone" and it's easy to see her charting high again.

Kelly told MTV that the new album was influenced by Prince, Tina Turner and Radiohead and it's easy to assume her collaborations with Jason Aldean and Reba McIntire may give it a little Nashville swing. But "Let Me Down" is classic Clarkson - a rocking pop jam with a kick ass chorus and that voice giving ultimate kiss-off lines like "the funny thing about forever is it comes with a side of never-never" and "when it counts, you countdown."

Perfect summer music, ready to get obsessed?