Ten Days Of Idol Insanity: Kelly Clarkson Does Not Need To Be Thin

My favorite girl in the whole wide world, Kelly Clarkson, is getting bashed for being bigger than a size two. Pictures of her performance at the KIIS-FM's Wango Tango were posted at DListed and apparently thighs that are visible to the naked eye are so disgusting, we have to compare her to Meatloaf. Here at Pictures And Conversations, especially during Ten Days Of Idol Insanity, this just will not do. It's time for a rant, mutha-lovahs.


First, Kelly has never been thin. She has a great ass, which cannot be hidden by any amount of styling. Girlfriend likes food (who doesn't?) and doesn't have a problem eating a lil' something. What's wrong with that? She could have wore a more flattering top, but other than that she looks like a rock star. Not everyone needs to be size two. I'd rather see a few extra pounds than not enough.

But more than that, what kind of message are we sending if a couple extra pounds are enough to send the bloggers into a frenzy? Teenagers are assaulted with enough images of overly thin or muscular models and celebs to give them complexes, and then we go and diss anyone over 100 lbs. I understand that being overweight is a health concern, but these are conversations people should have with their doctor, not a gossip site. And I highly doubt Mushroom Stamp and Wren are licensed physicians, and even if they were they couldn't diagnose weight problem based on a photo.

We all have freedom to say what we want, but that doesn't mean we should use our rights to abuse others. Kelly is a fabulous singer, a talented songwriter and an all around great girl. She doesn't deserve to be slammed for a little extra junk in the trunk.

Ten Days Of Idol Insanity: Predicting Tonight's Song Choices

Tonight we get to see the Top Three do two solo performances. One is a judges choice, which have been leaked online, and the other is contestant's choice. Without a theme limitation, the choices are almost limitless. Here's are the songs I think they should sing, and what I think they will pick instead:

Danny Gokey: My evil twin has a gruff yet blue-eyed soul voice like Micheal McDonald or Marc Cohn. (I'm not going to mention the smug, self congratulating attitude. Oops, too late!) Paul picked a Terence Trent D'Arby song for him to do, I'd never heard "Dance, Little Sister" so I did a quick YouTube search. I was surprised, I never realized how similar Danny's voice is to TTD. Danny could rock this, which makes me sad because I HATE HIM SO VERY MUCH!!!!!!!! Sorry, I tried not to bring that up. I am trying to avoid the haterade, but it tastes so fucking delicious. Anyway, good choice Paula! I would actually suggest Marc Cohn's "Walking In Memphis" for his personal choice, if he did the Cher version it would fit his gospel vibe. He's more likely to whip out some MercyMe or Casting Crowns, he could make "I Could Only Imagine" another sickening tribute to his late wife.

Adam Lambert: Simon was rumored to have picked "Wicked Game" by Chris Isaak for the Glambert. That would have been awesome, yet predictable. But the current word on the net is "One" by U2, and I'm hoping he will be influenced by the Mary J. version. He could show Lil how a diva does this shit. And kudos to Simon for not going the obvious Queen route. Perhaps "Wicked Game" is his personal choice, I'm liking the idea of it but was hoping for something to which he could bring a fresh sound. Part of me wants a totally over-the-top flaming homosexual performance, like whipping out another Yvonne Elliman classic, "I Don't Know How To Love Him" or tearing shit up with some Katy Perry. But something like that would cost him too many votes, and I need an Adam win. I loved his stripped down performances as much as I love his wild rock side, so either showing Gokey up by owning "Dream On" or stripping down Whitney Houston's "So Emotional" would be OK in my book. You know what would be great TV? Doing a stripped down, emotion drenched reading of Idol judge Paula's "Straight Up." Snap, Idol incest is best.

Kris Allen: Can we just gaze at that face? Isn't he just dreamy? He could sing anything except "All She Wants To Do Is Dance" and I would be dropping my panties for him. Gawd little wonder he landed on After Elton's Hot 100. But, not unlike Paula, I'm just here for the music. I really didn't mean to turn you on. Kara and Randy ganged up on him and forced One Republic's "Apologize" on his sweet and soft voice. I think he can handle it, and I think he should play it straight. Do the song as written, and then show us your arranging chops on the personal choice. I always got a Jason Mraz/John Mayer vibe from our boy, Mraz's new single "Lucky" would be awesome, especially if Kris sang it to his wife. Even better, "Your Body Is A Wonderland." Bring Mrs. Allen up on stage and maybe dance with her a little. Or start out on stage, climb down the stairs and find her in the crowd. Serenade her, and I will melt into a puddle of Harlequin romance cliches. Too late, already getting damp...

I guess we'll find out tonight what the Hottie Brigade will bring us. First strictly dickly top three in Idol history, bee-tee-dubs. Even though I hate Danny, I'm hoping for a GoBert finale. If When Adam wins, Danny will have to give him a congratulatory hug. And the hateful look on his face will be so beautifully awkward, I will just laugh my evil laugh and scream "WE DID IT! This is for you Allison! WE PUT THE GO IN GOKEY!" Although, it's not just the go I want to put in Gokey, ifyouknowhatimean...

Speaking of hotness, we'll be looking at the Hot Hotties of American Idol later in on during our Ten Days Of Idol Insanity!

Let's Kick Off Ten Days Of American Idol Insanity!

I have decided there is one topic that I will never tire of discussing: hot guys. OK, two topics: hot guys and AMERICAN IDOL! It's only the best show ever in the history of television, both domestic and foreign. (Slight hyperbole, but only slight.) If I can pull it off, I will have a new post about the show every day between now and the day we crown our lord and master The Glambert as inheritor of the crown worn by Kelly, Reuben, Fantasia, Carrie, Taylor, Jordin and my beloved Cookie. And yes, I just typed every Idol winner from memory, without even thinking. Don't judge me!

So, to start off this Idol journey together, I would like to give props to my fellow Idol maniacs. They are my heroes, if they can get jobs writing about the Arch Angels vs Cook's Cougars and fanwanking over Nadia Turner, maybe I can too. Hey, a boy can dream...

Jacob at Television Without Pity: When I started reading TWoP back during the first season of Joan Of Arcadia, I didn't know how bad my obsession with Idol, or with Jacob's and Joe R's recaps of the show, would become. It was like finding lost brothers who almost always shared the same opinions on the contestants as I had, and weren't afraid to bash, snark and curse their way through multiple pages of hilarity. But Jacob's recaps (he is currently the only recapper for the show his season) sometimes went on these delightfully philosophical tangents, discussing the third wave feminism in "Just A Girl" or the way Blake Lewis relates to birds that imitate car alarms. (He did the same thing on Ugly Betty, until he felt the show made Betty into an hateful shrew and made women who are successful at work a bad thing.) I can't even read the recaps until after I've written my own, his are so inspiring I want to steal half his lines. Read here.

Micheal Slezak & Kristen Baldwin at Entertainment Weekly's Idolatry: Micheal Slezak is as big an Idol freak as I am, probably even more so. He hosts the Idolatry videos on EW's site, often with Kristen, as well as recaps the show there. I just started tuning into Idolatry this season, and even if the vlogs just featured the intensely opinionated hosts really ripping into Danny Gokey and desperately trying to Save the Rocker, I would be hooked. But add in some really great editing, using doctored clips from random sources like Wonder Woman, Run, Lola, Run and Lord Of The Rings and allowing a cat fight between Gokey fan Kristen With Glasses and Gokey h8er Kristen, and you have a completely engrossing video series that even casual Idol watchers would love. Read/watch here.

The gang at Foxes On Idol: When I first started watching American Idol in season three (AKA the Diva Showdown season) I didn't realize that there were others like me. Others who obsessively judged, ranked and discussed the show. Thank Diana (DeGarmo, not the ancient goddess of love) I stumbled on the cleverly named Foxes On Idol (the original official Idol website was called idolonfox.com, hence the punny name) and I knew I was home. These people have memories like elephants, and they have them full of Idol worship. Read here.

Rickey at Rickey.org. I have no idea who Rickey is, I don't know how or why he started his own website and then dedicated it to Idol coverage. But he really is the most comprehensive source on the web for Idol gossip, chatter, MP3s, album news and anything related to anybody who ever graced the Idol stages. Read here.

The Jaded Insider at Billboard: He doesn't agree with me as often as the other online writers, but I like to get a different perspective on the performances. Plus, the posts are far more succinct than Jacob or the Idolatry gang, so I can take the pulse public opinion even when I'm in a hurry. Read here.

Along the way, I have also enjoyed AfterElton's coverage, including a hilarious (now defunct) vlog featuring former Idol contestant Jim Verraros. And Best Week Ever, The Soup and TV Guide Channel bring the funny into my ultra serious TV addiction.

Anyway, these are the Idol fans who make me feel like my OCD freak out that one time Idol didn't tape (my friend Anna lives in fear that it will happen again) is perfectly normal. It's not, I know that. And the fact I keep a notebook full of the voting phone numbers and my notes on the performances from the last four seasons isn't really healthy, either. But I have an addictive personality so it's either Idol or crack, and crack kills.

Speaking of Idol, stay tuned all week and into the next for more talk about the hot men, hot performances, hot albums, hot singles and hot shit that goes down on America's Number One Show. This... is Ten Days Of Idol Insanity.

Read This! "The Hidden Spirituality Of Men: Ten Metaphors For Awakening The Sacred Masculine" by Matthew Fox

It's been several weeks since I was at Heaven & Nature Store for the first time. It's a cozy little shoppe in the Harrisburg area, selling spiritual jewelery, essential oils and a variety of other "New Age" type products. I went looking for ear candles, because I saw them on Tyra a long while ago and wanted to try them out. While I was there, I browsed the books in the corner and saw a book by Matthew Fox called The Hidden Spirituality Of Men: Ten Metaphors For Awakening The Sacred Masculine. I had just wrapped up a Bible study for my church, and we were discussing the possibility of a male-centric study, so I picked it up. I was hesitant about picking up a book by an author I knew nothing about, but I gave into the urge.

As it turns out, Matthew Fox is a major writer and speaker and a founder of the "creation spirituality" movement. I wouldn't know this because I come from a very traditional church background and am just now exploring new avenues of spirituality that allow for a Christian perspective. The Hidden Spirituality Of Men is perfect for stretching the mind of both men and women.

It's not an light book to read, but real truth rarely presents itself with ease. The ten metaphors explore different facets of the human spirit, and while the focus is men, Fox is quick to emphasize that all people have a marriage of the sacred masculine and the divine feminine. Basically, ladies are welcome. Unlike some of the modern men's movements in the church, Fox does play power games in the war of gender roles.

I found myself intrigued by the ways that much of the eastern spiritual practices like Buddhism dovetail into the western religions and even the rituals of the native peoples of the Americas. I also liked the fact that Fox doesn't put a higher stock in one over the other. I still found myself uncomfortable with some of the eastern imagery being raised to the heights as the Christian traditions, but it does force one to explore the validity of God's hand in all people and traditions.

The chapters on the Earth Fathers and the Green Man are both quite timely with the emphasis on the link between our spiritual and ecological health. The metaphors of Earth Father, and Icarus and Daedalus, were especially revealing in terms of being both a father in the physical sense and the broader sense of mentor. I think most men will appreciate the validity brought to the sexual aspect of our spirituality, which is a refreshing change from the shame-based system currently in play at most religious institutions.

I really would recommend this book to those looking to ask the hard questions about male spirituality and challenge old stereotypes about gender roles and world culture. You may find it a hard read, but it quite worth it.

Speak Of Regina, And She Will Appear!

I was just saying the other post that I was hoping for a leak of a new Regina Spektor song, and the Soviet ex-pat must've been reading. She posted a new single on her MySpace, and my Google Alerts were blowing up with the news. Apparently when I Begin To Hope...

"Laughing With" features some of the most heart-tugging lyrics since Soviet Kitsch's "Chemo Limo." After recounting all the times we don't laugh at God (like "when it's gotten real late and their kid's not back from that party yet") and the times it's OK to laugh at the Almighty (like "when the crazies say He hates us and they get so red in the head you think they're 'bout to choke") she reminds us that "no one's laughing at God, we're laughing with God" over a lovely and heavy piano with a gentle drum beat and a few strings. It's a fascinating song, and bodes well for Far being an amazing album. Listen below, or head over to the MySpace.

Katy Perry Squeezes Her 34Ds Into Bob Mackie Gowns After Waking Up In Vegas

You know I love Katy Perry, right? Because she's the kind of girl who wears eight different vintage Bob Mackie outfits for a three minute, seventeen second clip. Furthermore, most of those gowns and tops can barely contain her bosoms. That's fabulousity right there, baby queens.

She also throws Penn & Teller out of their suite, stages an elephant-filled parade and re-creates DaVinci's Last Supper with Elvis impersonators and showgirls on the clip for her fourth Fall Out Boy-esque single. If that's what happens when you shut and put your money where your mouth is, I'm all for "Waking Up In Vegas." And yes, her on-screen honey is that guy from Bones, House, Six Feet Under, Dodgeball and the "Do It Ebay" commercial.

Judging An Album By It's Cover

In hopes of staving off my desire to hunt down and post the new Paula Abdul single, I'm giving you something a little less flashy. New albums from Regina Spektor, Paulo Nutini and Patrick Wolf come out in next month or two, and the cover art is leaking. New music from the Soviet Kitschy one, not so much... Here are the covers and the anticipation levels they create:


Regina Spektor: Far - This cartoony artwork is pretty cool, the blank wall that is seen outside the window stands in contrast to the puffy white clouds on the piano. A metaphor for music as a window to better place? Perhaps. I just wish some quirky new single was leaking soon. I need some fresh Regina in my life, Narnia soundtrack songs and Ben Folds collabos are not enough! The artwork makes me hope for some dreamy soundscapes and lots of piano. Anticipation: four out of five Heinz Bottles.

Paolo Nutini - Sunny Side Up: This cover is also a bit animated, and the Jason Mraz-esque hat and singing ants are cute. I'm just worried that it's a little too cute, I want another torchy "Last Request" just as much as another "New Shoes." Also, I've heard snippets of lead single "Candy" and I'm a bit worried Paolo is going down a 1960s folkie route that I will hate. This cover doesn't bolster my hopes much. Anticipation: two out of five Heinz bottles.


Patrick Wolf: The Bachelor - This scene looks like a Photoshop student's homage to sci-fi pulp novel covers. The font seems at odds with the photo, but all-in-all it reminds me of Bat For Lashes cover for Two Suns. And that disc is burning up my players. I'm digging the outfit Pat is sporting, like he's the lead in a production of Little Lord Fauntleroy set in the year 2999. Future/retro is hot right now... Anticipation: three out of five Heinz bottles.