[Diva Week] My Diva: Alice

And so it ends! Diva Week comes to a close with the diva, the girl whose path I have followed since I was a child. Before I started reading My Diva, I had a million divas in mind. My friends thought Madonna was my ultimate diva, I figured Kelly Clarkson was the diva I loved most.

But reading so many men who found a connection early on, I knew it wasn't Kelly. Don't get me wrong, I love Kelly. But when I though back to the diva who inspired me from childhood, it came to me.

I can't remember the first time I read Alice's Adventures In Wonderland or the sequel, Through The Looking Glass. I'm sure I saw the Disney cartoon very early on, with it's garish technicolored hues and catchy songs. But the book came into my life as child in an abridged from, one of those inexpensive children's hardbacks they used to sell at Walmart. As I grew up, I read the actual Carroll book many times and purchased an Annotated copy when I was teenager. I still read it once a year or so.

Alice inspires me. I know, a grown man of almost 26 being inspired by a small Victorian-era dreamchild is ridiculous. From the moment she sees that White Rabbit go running by, she follows it. She isn't fearful, she isn't stopped by the question of what practical good it is to chase a rabbit into it's hole. Even when her scenario turns frightening, she pushes on. Her curiosity and tenacity never waver, she still possesses that childlike idea that if something is interesting one should pursue it.

A lot of strange and wonderful things happen to Alice in her adventures. She changes sizes, because she keeps putting on gloves and eating things she shouldn't. It should be a warning to her, but she doesn't want to stop experiencing things. That is one way Alice has inspired me. I often want to stop putting my hand in the fire, to give up on dating or writing. But I know that I will never experience life unless I risk it again.

I know there is much to said for contentment. But I don't want to be content with mediocrity. And neither does Alice, she pushes for that garden she spies through the key hole. She doesn't accept just sitting and having tea with a March Hare and a Mad Hatter. She has a goal, a dream. And she pursues it.

I wish I could be like that all the time. In my best moments, the ones that have resulted in the biggest joys, and sometimes pains, I am like that. Long before I started this blog, I had already chosen a name and the quote that sits atop the page. It's a quote from the very beginning of Alice's Adventures In Wonderland. There isn't really any special meaning to the quote, just something I liked and though fit the mood.

In fact, my favorite quote is kind of Alice-inspired. From Gwen Stefani's Wonderland-esque video "What You Waitin' For?" comes this gem that gives me the push to follow that White Rabbit down the hole into a new place I never dreamed of: "Take a chance, you stupid ho."



In a way, Alice has always been reminding me of both the joys and pitfalls of being a Diva. You carve your own path, you follow your own dream and know that through patience, determination and hard work you will get what you want. And be fabulous doing it!

[Diva Week] I Can't Forget The Classic Divas!

For Diva Week, we've been focusing on the new wave of gay icons. But it's not really fair to push aside the old gaurd. Old school glamour and posh never dies, and if you took a glance around my apartment you'd find a large print of Audrey Hepburn's classic Breakfast At Tiffany's pose, peering into the window with her large shades and coffee cup. You'd find an reproduction of a oil painting of Madonna, used to cover the thermostat. You'd probably notice the collection of Marilyn Monroe photos, and a collage I made in high school of newspaper clippings from her death. A print of classic scenes from "I Love Lucy" hangs near that collection, and a vintage picture of Elizabeth Taylor sits on a shelf in my bedroom. I also have collected a large amount of vintage pictures and statues of the Virgin Mary, and I'm not even Catholic. (I don't know if that's a "gay and his diva" thing, or just really weird...) My CD collection contains discs by Judy Garland, Billie Holiday, Nina Simone, Ella Fitzgerald, Cyndi Lauper and Whitney Houston. I have Julie Andrews soundtracks on LP. I could never ignore these classic divas.


I choose to focus on new gay icons because so much has already been written about these fabulous women that I wanted to shine a light on some fresh faces. But I would never forget these legends, these women who have inspired drag queens and gym bunnies alike. There is room in this world for more than one diva. Maybe next year, we'll go old school.

[Diva Week] Kelly Clarkson: The Idol

For Diva Week at Pictures & Conversations we will look at 4 modern gay icons as well a special look at the diva I've idealized and followed (and not really fully realized until I read My Diva) since childhood. And no, you won't find out who that is until Friday. Yes, I'm a tease... Another day, another diva. This time it's the ultimate Idol, Kelly Clarkson.

Those who know my via my blog or in real life know I love Kelly Clarkson. In fact, at first she was going to be My Diva. When I started my blog on MySpace, the second post was a leaked clip of "Never Again", the first single from her fantastic third album My December. I must admit, though, I never watched the first season of American Idol. I thought "A Moment Like This" was a clever song, both a normal love ballad and a celebration of winning a talent contest, but kinda boring. I liked "Miss Independent" but didn't even buy her album.

When her sophomore set came out, I wasn't crazy about the lead single and title track Breakaway. It was kinda syrupy, but the all hell broke loose. "Since U Been Gone" was song that turned Kelly into a superstar, and I was hooked. "Behind These Hazel Eyes" came next, with a fucking brilliant video and an angry sing-along chorus. But it was "Because Of You" that cemented Kelly as my favourite pop star.

The slow building ballad, so fueled by the pain of a strained relationship with her mother, was the thing that sent me over the edge. It was a perfect parallel to my own relationship with my mother. Especially the bridge:

I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

After the death of my father when I was 16, I did what any good son would do. I held up my mother when she couldn't hold herself together, I delayed any college plans because I could not imagine leaving my three little sisters and my mother to fend for themselves. And she let me. She let me throw that away, because she needed me. And I needed to be needed, I'm co-dependant like that. Which leads to the final lyrics of the song:

Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you I am afraid

For the record, my relationship with mother has improved, and through therapy I'm learning to stop blaming her for my own actions. Still love the song, though.

So I was hooked, and My December was the line that pulled me in. From the opening line of "Never Again" with it's brutal "I hope the ring to gave to her turns her finger green" to the closing one-two punch of the suicidal ballad "Irvine" and bonus track "Chivas" - a goof about picking Chivas over a leering ex - I played the shit out of that CD. It's a cohesive artist statement about love and loss, something I didn't really know anything about yet but felt I had learned from this Texas girl. I wanted to be the strong person who could sing these words, from the acoustic rock ballad "Maybe":

I don't want to be tough
And I don't want to be proud
I don't need to be fixed and I certainly don't need to be found
I'm not lost
I need to be loved
I just need to be loved

But I was a simpering fool who fell for the first guy who gave me the time of day. I wanted to be that girl who stood up to Clive Davis and said "This is what's in my heart, this is what I want to say." But that girl also had signed contracts and had to make another album. But not until she toured with her friend and duet partner Reba McIntire, who put on an awesome show in Reading last fall. I was there, it was epic.

Then came All I Ever Wanted. I didn't want to like it, it wasn't My December. But it truly is a collection of pop masterpieces, from the best songwriters in the business - Dr. Luke, Ryan Tedder, Max Martin, Kara DioGuardi and Kelly herself. It isn't the cohesive statement My December was, but perhaps that's OK. Kelly has some great songs, like the funk-pop title track and the ballad "Already Gone" for which a video is still coming. The stills from that clip (seen below) prove Kelly is still a stunning creature, and the album proved she has both the actual voice and the artistic voice to be a major diva for years. And, fuck it, if she put out a polka album today I would be all over that shit. I seriously love her.

[Diva Week] Does VH1 Read My Blog? Because Divas Live Is Back!

Apparently Pictures & Conversation's Diva Week is starting a trend, because VH1 has annouced the return of the best program ever on the channel, Divas Live! The current divas are my girl Kelly Clarkson (you may hear more about her later this week... wink), Leona Lewis (because "Bleeding Love" is every diva song ever rolled into one and covered in extra runs and histrionics), British soul-pop singer Adele (I'm not sure about "diva" but I kinda love her), and my sworn frienemy Miley Cyrus. NOOOOOOOOOOOO! x infinity.

I have a serious love/hate relationship with Billy Ray's spawn. I wanted to hate "See You Again" but the crazy club beat and surf guitars sucked me in. Then came "Seven Things" and I was back in hate. "The Climb" almost had me, it's simple melody and lyrics lulled me into thinking Miley was more than a moppet who liked to show her bra strap in MySpace pics. The I realized a 16-year-old (who was dating a 20-year-old underwear model) was just repeating the ancient maxim of "It's not the destination, it's the journey." I already know this, I based my David & Bathsheba sermon on that very idea. Then the facts she's already writing her memoirs makes me roll my eyes, seriously. Only Drew Barrymore can write a life story worth reading while still in her teens. (Seriously, read Little Girl Lost. It's epic.)

Anyway, I'm excited for the other three. I'm hoping for a "Moment Like This" sing-off between Leona and Kelly. Who's with me?

Related video:



Above:
Kelly Clarkson - "Moment Like This"
Leona Lewis - "Moment Like This"
Miley Cyrus - "See You Again"
Adele - "Hometown Glory [High Contrast Mix]"

[Diva Week] Chelsea Handler: Queen Of Late Night

For Diva Week at Pictures & Conversations we will look at 4 modern gay icons as well a special look at the diva I've idealized and followed (and not really fully realized until I read My Diva) since childhood. And no, you won't find out who that is until Friday. Yes, I'm a tease... For Day Three, we take a look at the always hilarious Chelsea Handler.

I first discovered the crazy half-Jewish/half-Mormon/all-ballsy Miss Chelsea through a clip show of TV pranks on VH1. It was from the Oxygen show Girls Behaving Badly, and she sat a bar getting drinks and bumming cigarettes from the guys there before revealing a pregnant belly. It was funny, but I didn't know how funny this girl could be.

I later caught her comedy sketch show on E! before buying her hilarious book My Horizontal Life: A Collection Of One Night Stands. The candid, hilarious and extremely NSFW book features tales of sex, drugs, sex while on drugs, sex while drunk, sex with male strippers, her roommate not having sex and trying to have sex with a gay OB/GYN. It's even more funny than it sounds.

It was about the same time I was reading My Horizontal Life that E! gave Chelsea her own talk show. Her "little nugget Chuy," a fixture on The Chelsea Handler Show joined her on Chelsea Lately in a Gelman-type role. While her sketches (like "Dr. Lately") can sometimes fall flat, I love her devil-may-care interview style. Like her infamous comment to Aubrey O'Day ("You're a lot less stupid than I thought you were gonna be") or the brilliantly awkward conversation between her pickup-savvy self and The Pickup Artist's Mystery:



The best part of the show is usually the Round Table, where she and three guests discuss the pop culture news stories of the day, a style copied by the also funny It's On With Alexa Chung. She always has something funny to say and is not afraid to call out a guest comedian when they are unfunny.

Of course, her love for the gays is one of my favorite things about Chelsea Handler. She made a hilarious anti-Prop 8 video and has always been vocal about her support for the gays who have helped make her books and TV shows such a success. I think she loves her gays at least as much as she loves vodka and fat babies. Which is to say: A LOT!

[Diva Week] Taylor Swift: Country Cutie Who Loves Perez Hilton

For Diva Week at Pictures & Conversations we will look at 4 modern gay icons as well a special look at the diva I've idealized and followed (and not really fully realized until I read My Diva) since childhood. And no, you won't find out who that is until Friday. Yes, I'm a tease... Day Two, Diva Two - teenage country diva Taylor Swift.

I first discovered Taylor Swift the old fashioned way. I heard her debut single "Tim McGraw" on a local country radio station. Thing is, I really didn't have much of an opinion about it, or the young blond girl singing it.

That all changed when the follow up single, the torchy unrequited love ballad "Teardrops On My Guitar", hit country radio and CMT. The country mixes, both the radio edit and the album version, are pure heartbreak. Don't even get me started on the pop mix! But more than the typical country heartache song, "Teardrops On My Guitar" perfectly exemplifies a gay man's crush on a straight man. You become friends with them, you listen to the ups and downs of their love lives and you dream. And you cry a little. It hurts, because...

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one whose got enough of me to break my heart



Taylor tackles every diva look she can. She's a feisty ex girlfriend tearing everything up (including his reputation) on "Picture To Burn" and classic fairytale princess in "Love Story." But I didn't she she could get any realer than when she reveals her unrequited crush like on "Teardrops" or current hit single "You Belong With Me." Then I hear "White Horse" - a tale so grown up, so in command as she plays a woman in love, but not crippled by it. She knows it's too late to forgive an errant ex because

I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm gonna find someone out there who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rearveiw mirror disappearing now

While Taylor might not have the gay clout that my other divas have, she did tell Blender magazine she'd love for Perez Hilton to be her date to prom. And her lyrics speak to my own experiences as a gay man, like every good diva's should. Plus, she's cute as a button!

[Diva Week] Regina Spektor: Russian Anti-Folk Diva

For Diva Week at Pictures & Conversations we will look at 4 modern gay icons as well a special look at the diva I've idealized and followed (and not really fully realized until I read My Diva) since childhood. And no, you won't find out who that is until Friday. Yes, I'm a tease... First up is Russian-born anti-folk singer Regina Spektor.

As I've mentioned before, I found fiery NYC-dweller Regina Spektor thanks to VH1. Her video for "Fidelity" was in heavy rotation for a while, the black and white decor and costuming was eye catching pop art and the ending, where Regina and her male costar star throwing pigment inks around the apartment, was sheer joyful punk insanity.



I wouldn't classify Regina Spektor's music as punk, despite her intentionally "punk" sound on songs like "Your Honor" and "Poor Little Rich Boy". But her music is classified as "anti-folk" - a bizarre catch-all genre encompassing artists who blend punk, folk, blues and classical music in a strange swirl of postmodern pop.

Besides the music video, VH1's interview clip that accompanied it was also engrossing. Here was this Russian-born, Bronx-dwelling pixie talking about being influenced by art and literature in her music. It sounded so very high brow and new, so I had to buy the album.

Begin To Hope ran the gamut of sounds and influences. Her ode to Billie Holiday "Lady" features smokey jazz influences as well as lyrics that pay tribute in a slightly subversive way.

Corner street societies
They believe her
They never leave her
While she sings she makes them feel things

Meanwhile the chorus speaks directly to my own reaction to Billie's music:

She says I can sing this song so blue
That you will cry in spite of you
Little wet tears on your baby's shoulder
Little wet tears on your baby's shoulder

Also on the weepy-gay-boy front, "Samson" just kills me. The biblical tale of Samson's infamous strength-killing haircut takes a new, quieter tone with Regina's Samson eating a slice of Wonder Bread after his haircut (with "a pair of dull scissors in the yellow light") and goes to bed. I've already wrote a whole post on this classical-influenced single so I won't go on too much more. But the video is also brill:

Regina Spektor - Samson


Other amazing song from Begin To Hope are "Edit" in which Regina uses the piano as a percussion instrument and the dramatic classical influenced "Apres Moi." Her latest effort, Far, features songs with a Dark City vibe ("Machine") and tales of a lost wallets and people winning awards for being the Human of the Year. It's lyrics like that, influenced by art and literature then refracted through a strange prism of insanity, that draw me in.

But to be one my Modern Gay Divas you need more than talent and a vajayjay. You need to be giving back to the gay community that has made you a diva. Regina has done that in two remarkable ways, by participating in 2008's True Colors Tour (headlined by Cyndi Lauper and featuring Joan Jett, Tegan & Sara, the B-52's and Joan Jett) as well as allowing the use of "Fidelity" in a heartbreaking anti-Prop 8 video for the Courage Campaign. That's my diva!