A Christian Response To Homophobic Bullying

I don’t usually agree with Maggie Gallagher. As the founder of the National Organization for Marriage, a leading opponent of marriage equality, we have very little in common. However, in a Op/Ed piece for the New York Post, Ms. Gallagher made an interesting point. After attempting to absolve herself of any blame for the recent suicides of young people bullied for being or seeming gay, she makes this statement:

“Whether you are looking at their faces or looking at the statistics, one thing is clear: These kids need help, real help. They should not become a mere rhetorical strategy, a plaything in our adult battles. Each of these teens is a child of God. And each one deserves better from all of us than becoming a "teachable moment" in someone else's culture war.”

It’s true. While I don’t think the help Maggie is offering is going to do anything but further destroy the self-esteem of even more young people who are different, she is right. They are not talking points, they are so much more than pawns in the battles for equality. They are children of God. They had stories and pasts and possible futures. They have names.

They have names like Tyler Clementi (18), Asher Brown (13), Billy Lucas (15), Seth Walsh (13), Justin Aaberg (15), Zach Harrington (19). They lived in a world where they did not feel welcome. They took the only exit route they knew. Death is a sad and ugly thing, but it’s even uglier when it’s children taking their own lives to escape the endless pressure of hate directed at them because they were either gay or someone just thought they were.

Where could they turn? At school, they were teased and harassed by their fellow students. Tyler was secretly film in a romantic encounter and had his private moments displayed on the internet without his consent. Asher was forced into mock gay sex acts in Phys.Ed. Billy had homosexual slurs hurled at him and was told he didn’t deserve to live by kids at school, even having hate messages posted on his Facebook after his death. Justin was the 5th student in his school district to end his own life in the past year, where teachers are told to remain neutral on bullying.

Nine out of ten LGBT youths have experienced harassment at school. They are four times more likely to attempt suicide, more than a third of all lesbian, gay and bisexual youth have attempted it. 62% of homeless LGB youths have attempted it, twice as many as heterosexual homeless youth. Nearly half of transgender young people have seriously considered suicide.

It’s not easy growing up different. Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual or Transgender persons know this. Beyond that, whether home schooled kids or racial minorities, whether people who wore the wrong clothes or worshipped at the wrong church or just had something different that people didn’t like most of us felt the sting of our peers’ disapproval. I remember joining in a conversation around the lunch table at Broad Street Elementary in Mechanicsburg about the Stealth Bomber as a third grader and being immediately told that no one wanted to hear what I had to say. No explanations as to why my opinion on military equipment was not needed. Just a simple shut-down, at age 8. I remember it vividly, like it happened yesterday not almost twenty years ago. These things stay with us.

But, over time things do improve. We find our niche in the world, we surround ourselves with people who accept us.

The church is rarely that place, and there are good reasons. God calls us to change, to become holy people. The difference between God and the bullies of the world is that God accepts us as-is. The people of God, who are loved by God while we were yet sinners, are also called to accept people as-is.

Do we? Do we understand our role in the world? Instead of being culture warriors, bent on refashioning the world in our own idea of what acceptable behavior is, do we love and accept those around us and help them on the road to change the habits and behaviors that God doesn’t like and accepting the rest, even the ones that we dislike or find uncomfortable?

The Bible speaks quite frequently to the care and help of the downtrodden. In James we find the admonishment that “religion that God our Parent accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after widows and orphans in their distress” and the Psalmist says that “The LORD watches over the alien and sustains the parentless and the widow but frustrates the ways of the wicked.” There is a special place in the heart of God for those who are in need.

In the Matthew, we find Jesus admonishing his followers to not only stop squabbling about who is the greatest but to also become like children. He then goes on to say this: “Whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in my to sin, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.”

This is one of my favorite things about Jesus. He doesn’t mind a little hyperbole, and his word pictures are excellent. A millstone is a huge, round disc of stone, often as big or bigger than a man. They were used to grind grains into meal or crushing olives to release oil. They were massively heavy buggers, pulled by ox or mules or more recently by water wheels. These are giant, heavy stones. And Jesus tells his disciples, and in turn us, that if the only way to protect these kids from ourselves is tie one around our neck and jump in a lake then we best get to stepping.

That’s major. And I would posit that if our action and words cause a child to hate him or herself so much that the only way out of that pain and self-hatred is to end their own life, then we are in need of some millstones.

Jesus gives us another word picture, of a man who owns a hundred sheep but one wanders away. He leaves the flock, probably in the care of his hired helpers and few sheepdogs, and goes in search of that lost lamb. “In the same way, your Parent in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost.”

Have we been diligent in searching for that one lost sheep? Are we keeping these little ones safe and sound?

We cannot blame ourselves for the suicides that are becoming rampant among LGBT youth. Every person has a choice, and some will choose that dark end to their path. But we do have a duty and an obligation to help those who may be heading that way to see the light of God‘s love and acceptance.

One of the simplest but also extremely difficult ways to do this is live an authentically real life. Being open about being LGBT or a straight ally and a Christian in your everyday life. I’m not saying that you have to wear a nametag that says “Hi, my name is Paul (and I’m a gay Christian)” but the less you hide about your relationships the more people will realize that Gays are not the big scary other but the guy that bags their groceries and the lady that does their taxes.

Rufus Wainwright, out singer/songwriter said this in an interview with Details magazine: “It’s true, it’s tougher career wise if you come out, but this is a human rights issue and it’s important to keep putting dents in it. It’s about two teenagers being beheaded for holding hands in Saudi Arabia. It’s bigger than someone’s music career.”

It is bigger, and it’s something we can do everyday. Don’t sit by as people demean others for their sexuality, their race, their religion, their accent, their place of origin, their financial status, their IQ. Let people know that you don’t feel the same way. Let people know that God doesn’t discriminate, and we shouldn’t either.

It’s important to understand that our words have power. In James we are reminded that “The tongue is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body.” “With our tongue we praise God and also curse people who have been made in the God‘s likeness. This should not be.”

No matter how many times I have been told that “stick and stones my break my bones but words will never hurt me” I never believed it. But while harsh and hurtful words can hurt, true words of comfort and praise can heal. Always keep in mind that what you say has the power to influence others minds, hearts and lives.

There is an exciting online movement called the It Gets Better Project. It’s a video series in which pop stars, politicians and regular people remind teens that while being an young gay person is no easy road, it does get better and it is worth it to stick around and revel in the exciting things the future may bring. Gay celebs and allies have lent their voices to this video series, from President Barack Obama to pop singer Kesha to LGBT employees of Google to pioneering televangelist Oral Roberts’ grandson.

Bishop Mark Hanson, presiding Bishop of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America said this in his recent “It Gets Better” video: "Sometimes the words of my Christian brothers and sisters have hurt you. I also know that our silence causes you pain...You are a beloved child of God. Your life carries the beauty and dignity of God's creation...There is a place for you in this world, and in this Church."

He understands that words have power. That we have a duty and an obligation to our brothers and sisters in Christ, and to the rest of the world, to use our words wisely.

On the flip side, one should also always take the time to listen. Talking only takes you so far, you have to listen to truly understand and help others. Pay attention to the signs:

Increased Isolation
Increases in alchol or drug use
Expressing a negative attitude towards self, hopelessness or helplessness
Changes in regular behavior or interest in usual activities
Giving away valuable possessions
Expressing lack of future orientation like saying “It won’t matter soon” or other suicidal feelings
Signs of depression, even after the depression begins to lift
Describing a specific plan for suicide

Even before these signs manifest, listen. It’s so easy to brush past people without paying them any mind. Keep an open heart and ear, you never know when you can make a new friend and increase the amount of love in this world by listening.

Other ways to protect these little ones is to donate time and money to groups that help at-risk young people. Common Roads, the Central PA LGBT Community Center, Equality PA are great local groups and the Trevor Project provides a national suicide phone hotline and online support.

The Trevor Project also provides a guide for helping someone who is considering suicide with the acronym “Y-Care”

Y is for You - you are never alone and you are not responsible for anyone who chooses to end their own life. All you can do is listen, support and assist the person in getting the help they need.

C is for Connect
Connect the person to resources and to a supportive, responsible adult.

A is for Accept
Accept and listen to the person’s feelings and take them seriously.

R is for Respond
Respond if the person has a plan to attempt suicide and tell someone you trust. If they do have a plan, try to get them to a hospital or police station if possible.

E is for Empower
Empower the person to get help and to call the Trevor Lifeline 1-866-4-U-TREVOR

In fact, program Helpline numbers into your cell phone so you have them available in a moment of crisis.

Last, but most definitely not least: Pray. Pray for guidance when interacting with people. Pray for the people you interact with. Pray for wisdom to see when someone needs your help. And follow up your prayers with action. Take it outside the church.

God is not willing that any of these little ones should perish. Are you?

Ten Days Of Idol Insanity: The Time Jesus Took The Wheel

It's Saturday and we are halfway through Ten Days Of Idol Insanity. I'm still working on some lists, and I'm trying my hand at Idol fanfic. Sexy/disgusting, I know. But I figured this was the perfect time to share a lil' story that I've hinted at a couple times before on Pictures & Conversations. It's the tale of the time Jesus took the wheel.

In case you're a little confused as to what Jesus has to do with Idol (besides that time the top 8 sang "Shout To The Lord" on Idol Gives Back aka: most awkward performance ever) I'm talking about Idol Season 4 winner Carrie Underwood's first hit single on the country charts: "Jesus Take The Wheel." Watch below:



The lyrics of the verses are a little ham-fisted, but I actually love the chorus. I used to say "Jesus, take the wheel" whenever things got a little dicey at work or home, sort of an all-purpose prayer of resignation that I was in need of Divine intervention.

Well, this story takes place about three years ago. I had been working as key-holding manager at the Harrisburg location of my current Retail Place Of Employment (RPOE) and was apparently doing a decent job. Our York location had lost some staff and was working with just one manager, so management staff from other locations were being asked to come in for a few shifts each week to give manager a break.

Well, I was asked if I would be willing to close once a week in York, which is about 35 miles from my house. I wanted to make a good impression, as well as earn some overtime and paid mileage. However, I was not at that time an very experienced driver, I'd only been driving for a couple of years and I had avoided driving on long trips. I had never driven more than ten mile trips, let alone 35. I didn't tell anyone that, I just said I hadn't been to York before. So one of the other managers hooked me up with directions.

On the morning of my first shift in York, I left 90 minutes early. I was so sure I was gonna get lost, I wanted to give myself time to get lost and still be at the store at my scheduled time. I got on route 81 going the wrong direction, which had me jittery. I got off on an exit, turned around and head towards York.

I'd been driving for a while, gotten onto route 83 with out any trouble and was watching for the exit number that was written on the directions. I get paranoid when I'm following directions, so after a while I checked the directions again. I was wrong, I wasn't looking for an exit number, I was looking for a route number.

I start freaking out. I didn't know the exit number, so I couldn't tell if I had passed it. I can't read a map to save my life, plus I couldn't really pull over until I found an exit. I shouted like I never shouted in my life:

JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL!

Literally, within 30 seconds a sign appeared on the side of 83 stating YORK: 10 Miles. I couldn't believe it. I hadn't passed it, I was still miles away.

I know it's a little bit silly, but I do feel like Jesus took the wheel for a hot minute, and that sign was placed at such a spot so I wouldn't go completely postal. And since then, I've gained a lot more confidence in driving, I make 400 mile round trips to see my mom all the time. I even dated a guy who lived and went to college in York. And I drive 16 miles to work every day after my promotion to Assistant Manager of the biggest store in the chain. It all worked out...

So yeah, that's my story. The story of the time Jesus took the wheel on the way to York.

Young Gay Christians Ask You To See "Through My Eyes"

A new documentary came to DVD recently, one that really strikes a nerve here at Pictures & Conversations. As should be flamingly obvious, I'm gay. And while I don't discuss it that frequently, I've posted a few times about spiritual matters. That's because I'm a gay Christian.

When I was a teenager and knew everything, the thought of gay Christians was a terrifying thing. Literally, I remember hearing that some gay people claimed to still be Christians and it made me nauseous. That's pretty ironic, coming from a guy who now opening leers at Danny Gokey immediately after leading Bible study.

But it took a lot of time, some help from a few books and a good therapist to get me to this place. A new documentary produced by The Gay Christian Network, Through My Eyes, gives a platform for a couple dozen young GLBT Christians to tell their stories, unfiltered and without a narrative bias. These are real young people who show the human side of a debate that too often rages over ideals and words. Can one be Christian and gay?

Trailer:


Website: Through My Eyes

It Was Just What I Needed...

I almost missed church this morning, my alarm didn't go off. So I jump out of bed, with like 15 minutes to shower and dress before leaving. I made it with time to spare, because I'm that damn good! And I was so glad I did.

Rev. Delores Berry was the guest speaker, and she... was... amazing. Deep down, I'm old school gay, so I love a big ol' soulful black lady! She preached and sang and read scripture and generally brought the spirit. She told of her time of being bed-ridden after falling in the shower, and how God was there. How God is always there, always catching us even when we don't see or feel it. Then she sang this wonderful Avalon song "Orphans Of God" and almost had me in tears. God loves us, flaws and all. We all have our sins, but there are no orphans of God. She had a special prayer moment with me, and she really does have a gift. I never felt so loved by God in my life. He knows me, he made me this way. A white man-boy, pudgy and gay and in love with knowledge and music. Always with questions and never satisfied with the stock answers. In search of proof, not just feelings, and hungry for love and a family. He made me like this, he loves me like this. Hallelujah! There are no orphans of God!

I Think I [Heart] Mormon Boys!

OK, so I was just about ready for bed and checking a couple of blogs when I found out my favorite sexy Mormons were under attack! Apparently the Church Of Latter Day Saints does not approve of the hot and steamy "Men On A Mission" calendar series. It's not that risque, really just twelve buff Missionaries missing shirts. Nothing to get steamed about, it's good for the PR! I might even consider switching denominations for a guy like this:

Jesus Loves This Guy!

A few weeks ago I was at the Salvation Army Store, which is a place I love to shop. I don't always have the best luck in finding clothes there that my three essential categories: stylish, fit well and in good shape. But that doesn't stop me from checking it out. This time I stumbled across a green T-shirt by Local Celebrity, which you can find in the mall stores for like $20, for just $2.99. The color of my shirt is a bit brighter green, but it's the same screen-printed design as the one at left. I wore it to Aunt Tina's house the next Saturday for her Independence Day picnic and the Linglestown fireworks. My cousin's fierce girlfriend Shannan popped in to watch the fireworks, she was among the many to comment on my hot new sartorial acquisition. Her comment though, though I know was in jest, was thought provoking: "But I thought Jesus hated gays?"

Does Jesus hate gays? Certain churches certainly have made headlines by asserting that claim, and I'm not convinced that many Christians don't believe it, too. I was never convinced that it was true, though. "God is Love" it says in the first Book Of John. Even if gay sex is a sin, even if that act of being romantically interested a member of the same sex is a sin, that doesn't stop God from loving me. It had taken me a long time to feel comfortable with accepting the dual personalities that, at first blush, appear to battle within me. Was I a Christian, and a gay man? Is such a thing possible?

It wasn't until I read a book called The Unauthorized Guide To Sex And The Church that I realized that it was both possible and is what I am. In the book, author Carmen Renee Berry explores all sides of the issues surrounding sex; hetero, homo, rape, abortion and a host of other issues that Christian struggle with. In her chapter on "Same-Sex Sex" she goes over the differing opinions on what the verses of the Bible mean in relation to homosexuality. In addition to the traditional interpretations of biblical passages, a more in depth look reveals the original intent. These opinions were ones never offered to me in my churches growing up. For example, the sin of Sodom is not homosexuality, it's rape and inhospitality. The verses from Leviticus prohibiting laying down "with a man as you would a woman" come from the same pre-Christian laws that don't allow mixed fabrics and shellfish. The "list of wickedness" from 1 Corinthians that include homosexual activities could not refer to monogamous committed relationships, because such a thing didn't exist in ancient time, so a word for them doesn't even exist in Greek. I know, you may think I'm bending scripture to justify myself, but if you just look at it with fresh eyes; not eyes clouded by years of being told what is right and what isn't based on prejudiced readings; you may find it, too.

Anyway, finally understanding that I am, as Degarmo & Key once sang, accepted by the one that matters most, I was in search of a church who would accept me the same way. I talked to my therapist, she recommended a church that is also mention the Unauthorized Guide, the Metropolitan Christian Church of the Spirit. Which is why Shannan's comment was as timely as it was thought provoking, I had decided to attend Sunday morning services the next day, for the first time in probably four or five years. It was a small crowd, since many were on camping trips and vacations for the holiday weekend. But the pastor welcomed me very warmly, she also asked a couple of those attending to introduce me to others as they came in. I don't remember any one's names, but that didn't matter. The worship was lively, the sermon was totally Bible-based, none of this new agey pop-psychology sermonizing that one might expect from a modern denomination. I didn't take communion, I wasn't sure I had really gotten myself right with God in my heart, even though I had convinced my head. I went again this morning, and really feel like I found a church that really meets me where I am. I'm really excited to finally water the plant in my soul that I had allowed to wither during my years of soul-searching. Perhaps I'm finally home?

Read This! "Christ The Lord: Out Of Egypt" by Anne Rice

Almost anyone who knows the name Anne Rice knows it from her legendary vampire novels, especially "Interview With The Vampire." Her work has always been meticulously researched, and stunningly written. So when she chose to write about the most well know figure in the Western world, that it would be well-written and well-researched was a given fact. What I didn't expect was the rich passion and inspired thought that went into the novel "Christ the Lord: Out of Egypt."

Told from in the first person, from the perspective of a divine seven-year-old Jesus bar Joseph, the first century Middle East springs to life. Jesus doesn't understand his powers, does not yet know the story of his birth and the reason his family fled to Egypt. He is a smart child, a good child, but when he miraculously kills, then revives a child he is confused. Again when he heals his uncle, he doesn't know for sure that he was the one who did it. He doesn't know why his family has been hidden, why the strange reaction of the village people upon his family's return to Nazareth. On the way home, they stop in Jerusalem for Passover, and Jesus witnesses a riot, and watches as soldiers impale a man with spear. That scene replays in his head, especially during a feverish dream. The novel ends when Jesus begins to discover his destiny, and learns the truth about what happened in the sleepy town of Bethlehem.

While the story of the life of Christ is more than well known, Rice's novel colorfully depicts the life a carpenter's family in a small town in first century Judea, masterfully uncovers the emotions of a boy on the verge of discovering his Godhood and evokes true feelings in this reader. I can't wait to read the recently released second volume, "Christ The Lord: Road To Cana"