American Idol Recap! How Much Worse Can It Get?

Seriously, I am beyond disappointed in the season of Idol. Once again, a lot of piss-poor song choices and weird vocal tics. Where have all the brilliant singers gone?

First off, Jasmine Murray is cute as a goddamn button! Straight up, y'all. But she tried to bring a new flava to Sara Barellies' "Love Song" and didn't quite hit the right place with it. It could have been hot, her vocals were very gospel-tinged R&B and I wanted to love it. But it didn't ride the instruments well, and that's a recurring theme tonight.

Again with the R&B vocals over a decidedly non-R&B sound! Matt Girard tried to turn the Grammy winning "Viva La Vida" into a smoky blues thing, but forgot that the whole song is a series of synthesized strings. The lyrics actually lend themselves to a bluesy arrangement, but he left then as is and just changed up the vocals. He's really interesting, but he really bombed with that attempt.

I was bored by Janeane Vailes version of "This Love." The vocals were quite forced. She did have great gams, though.

Why do I enjoy the musical comedy of Nick Mitchell's "Norman Gentle"? Is it the blatant mocking of the overly serious version of the Broadway hit "And I Am Telling You" - a song I love despite it's histrionics? Is it the fact that the judges seem not to realize he's make an utter fool of them as well as himself? Or is just the shiny, shiny shirt? Who knows, all I know is he may win the whole damn thing.

I think I found my favorite girl! Allison Fraheta just rocked the fuck out of Heart's "Alone" and I couldn't be happier. He vocals are just raw, strong and blisteringly hot. She doesn't have the diva range, but she has more power than any other performer this year. I am in love with her red hair, too. She's like my new Paramore.

Kris Allen started super boring and forgettable when he hit the stage to perform "Man In The Mirror" but then it exploded into a very strong vocal. Plus he's pretty cute. Still not the most memorable or interesting guy this year but he may make the top twelve.

I don't get the appeal of Megan Joy Corkrey's voice. It's got a weird inflection that would sound good in some songs, but not "Put You Records On." Her voice could have sounded cool in a slower song, where it could meander between the chords. But it sounded constrained, like a caged bird with a muzzle.

I do like Matt Breitzke. I do! He's a totally cool dude with a voice for 1960's rock. He didn't really fit into Tonic's "If You Could Only See" despite having a lot of love for the song. He really bored me, and I never thought I say that about a guy like that.

I didn't see a lot of range in Jesse Langseth's voice, but you don't need range for "Bette Davis Eyes." What you do need is some attitude, which she had. But what I love about Jesse, who I don't recall ever seeing before, is her attachment to the song. I love it when peeps talk muso like that, I think it's fucking awesome that she knows that much about pop music.

I am totally bored by Kai Kalaman. His hair is obnoxious, his vocals were dull and his choice of song uninspired. "What Becomes Of The Broken Hearted" is a snooze...

Michavonna Hanson joins the karaoke queue with Train's "Drops Of Jupiter." Again, nothing special. I can't even remember what it sounded like.

Here we go! Adam Lambert does the drama queen thang with a bristling cover of "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction." It's very awesome, very theatrical and rather over the top - in a good way. He has ridiculous range for a guy, I'm looking forward to hearing more from him.

OMG! New Justin Timberlake And Someone Who Is Not Me! WORST SONG EVER!

Ciara's goodies are all over my future husband Justin Timberlake in the lead single from her up coming Fantasy Ride. I hate her so much right now. Doesn't she realize that I will cut a bitch? I am straight-up ghetto...

Ahem, the real Paul is back and ready to review. "Love Sex Magic" sounds like it would have been at home JT's last two projects, his own Future Sex/Love Sounds (based on the title as well as the similarities to "Sexy Ladies" on that disc) and the throbbing disco/hip-hop hybrid beats on Madonna's Hard Candy. Ciara sounds decent, she will never have huge range but the song doesn't require it. The beat is Off The Wall-era Micheal Jackson and the heavy breathing from the Timberlake gives me a thriller. It's a snappy pop track with plenty of sexy sass. I approve. Now if only this was the part where Justin Timberlake and me fall in love... Listen:

Bat For Lashes' New Songs Are Spooky, Haunting, Moody, Basically Your Stereotypical Bat For Lashes Songs.

I was deeply attracted to the haunting vocals of Natasha Khan on Bat For Lashes breakthrough single "What's A Girl To Do?" The parent album, Fur And Gold, had several other haunting tracks, like "Sad Eyes" or "The Wizard" - bizarre experiments on the edges of folk and world music highlighted by the spooky pagan ritual-esque lyrics.

Well, Bat For Lashes is back with a new disc in April and few songs have leaked. Songs like an album closing collaboration with Scott Walker the moody piano track "The Big Sleep" and delightfully synth-heavy "Daniel" is a standout slow jam. Did I just say slow jam? Yessir, new-New Wavers. The lead single sounds like a lost cut from the Labyrinth soundtrack, "Daniel" is equal parts dance-floor friendly and scary. The album opener, "Glass" is also stunning. Everything I've heard so far is like Fur And Gold to the nth power, more power and pizazz. I can't wait for it come out, add it to my list of CDs that will make 2009 worth living! Listen to the tracks at Bat For Lash's MySpace. Or click below... Two Suns is available 4/6 on SheBear/Parlaphone.

"The Big Sleep" (feat Scott Walker)



"Daniel"

Ingrid Michaelson Is So Fragile (And Briefly Heartless) In New Video

After Old Navy used New York City-based indie popper Ingrid Michaelson's "The Way I Am" in a sweater commercial I was intrigued by the gentle pop sound of the artist. Her Girls And Boys is a delightfully low key pop affair, very Lisa Loeb. The title comes from a lyric in the song "Breakable" - "we are so fragile, and our cracking bones make noise and we are just breakable, breakable, breakable girls and boys." A 2008 EP for the Stand Up To Cancer charity, Be OK followed that 2007 release, as well as a duet with fellow acoustic pop singer Sara Barellies on the Christmas album The Hotel Cafe Presents Winter Songs. Now, Ingrid is releasing a video for "Breakable" and it is equal parts creepy and adorable.

In the clip, Ingrid goes into the doctor to have her heart removed, and she carries the anatomically correct plush organ out of the office and drops it in a street singer's guitar case. Through a series of random heart-snatchings the body part ends up in a pawn shop. Ingrid then gets all biblical and sells all her groovy vintage housewares to get it back. It's very twee, in a strange foriegn film kind of way. Watch:

American Idol Recap! Episode One: The Phantom Talent

I know, that title is so topical and fresh. Next thing you know, I'll be busting out Richard Hatch jokes.

The rules have changed, we get twelve singers performing tonight but only three make it through. The top guy and top girl make it through, as well as the next highest vote getter. Confused? Don't worry, just gaze into Ryan's robot eyes and he will beam the explanation right into your brain. He's good like that.

Last night the first 12 contestants on America's favorite talent show had the difficult task of picking songs from a very limited theme: Songs From The Billboard Hot 100. Not this weeks Hot 100, just from the Hot 100. All seven million songs that have ever landed on that exclusive chart. You could choose a song from High School Musical or The Beatles or Garth Brooks or literally thousands of other artists. It's so limiting! Maybe that's why they all sucked giant donkey balls last night?

We're opening the night with the theme from Las Vegas (the show, not the city. The city's theme is "Heaven's Just A Sin Away") that latter day Elvis hit "Little Less Conversation." Remember that Hobbity dude, Jon Peter Lewis? He was all short and adorbs in season three. Any way, he sang this song and got all crazy white boy dancing with it. Will Jackie Tohn do the same? She says her goal is to get "Miss Abdul on her feet." Like that's so hard. Just slip an extra gram of coke into her drink. She looks like Santigold's white sista-in-arms in black stretch pants, fresh high topped dunks and a polka dotted top with a sweetheart neckline. And yes, she gets crazy with it. It's such a ridiculous song, requiring absolutely no singing skills. Jackie's fun, but I really didn't get any impression of real skill. Like a really cool chick at a karaoke party, not an Superstar. Kara thinks she worked the stage, but so did Taylor Hicks. And he won, only to be stuck playing Teen Angel in a traveling production of Grease. Ouch. I bet even Diana DeGarmo thinks that's lame.

Next is Ricky Braddy. Who? Exactly. I never saw him, not once, in the earlier episodes. He's cute, and he's wearing a fly wine colored jacket over white shirt and dark wash jeans. With a faux-hawk. He's like my thinner twin! I'm kinda in love with him right now. He's singing that song Elliot Yamin sang through his jacked-up teeth in season six. It's called "A Song For You" like a sing-o-gram or something. No, it's not "Your Song" by Elton John. Same idea, different organization of words. Anyway, Ricky "No Screen Time" Braddy has really good vocals, really nice inflections and gives good face while singing. It wasn't really special, but it was good. I really like this dude. Too bad Danny "Hot Widower" Gokey and Anoop Dogg are going through long before Ricky is. Even with his parents wearing "Braddy Bunch" t-shirts? Sooo cute. It could be enough to put him over.

I keep hearing good things about lil' firecracker Alexis Grace, the hot mom with pink streaks in her hair. She's gonna sing Aretha's "Never Loved A Man The Way I Loved You." Which is predictably disappointing. She really tries for a gritty soul sound, but it just comes off a very good karaoke. Randy thinks she dug down deep and pulled out pain and soul, but I did not hear it. She's good and, after hearing the rest of the singers tonight, the best female we heard.

Oh dear. Brent Keith wants to show us who he is, bringing us a "rockin' country" song. Little Big Town's "Hicktown"is a fun, if totally lacking in vocal interest. And Brent set the bar even lower by sounding like a hot country boy singing down at Big Ray's Bait, Tackle 'n' Beer. Sloppy and goofy, without showing any real talent.

And the bad karaoke night continues with Stevie Wright. She's cute and perky and fun, but the judges thought she skewed old with her "At Last" during the final solo round in Hollywood week. So she flips the script and pulls out Taylor Swift's "You Belong To Me" - a song which requires very little upper vocal range. Thing is, she couldn't keep up with the music and her lower range doesn't have enough power. She seemed really uncomfortable, too. That made me uncomfortable! If she wanted to go the young route, like the judges suggested, I would have attempted Taylor's "White Horse" instead. Or Porter Block's power-pop cover of the High School Musical anthem "Breaking Free." But alas, this was a bad choice and it really does Stevie in.

Anoop Dogg in the house! My boy Anoop Desai combines the best parts of boy band lightness and smooth R&B vocals in a cover of Monica's "Angel Of Mine." The judges may not have been as impressed as I am, but I really enjoyed it. He's so likable, I still think he'll make it through.

How does one begin to describe the absolute mess that was Casey Carlson's "Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic"? This was the very definition of karaoke, using the original arrangement to back drop her Disney Channel star vocals was a bad idea. Even choosing this song was a bad idea, but Casey doesn't just sing against the music, she adds weird Miley Cyrus facial expressions and an awkward stage movements. She's a stunning girl, with a decent voice. She just really needs a team of producers, choreographers and handlers to whip her into superstar shape.

Too bad Michael Sarver is married, because that is one roughneck who could rough me up! I know, I'm so bad. But he's so very cute in a manly way. And his vocals until tonight were smooth r'n'b loverman meets country cute. Tonight, he really disappointed, performing the overplayed "I Don't Wanna Be" in a very karaoke fashion.

I know I keep harping about the karaoke aspect of AI this week, but I got used to the risks taken by David Cook, Jason Castro, and Brooke White. In fact, Chikeze, Danny Noriega and Kristy Lee Cook even took more risks than this bunch. Ever since Daughtry channeled nearly every song he performed to fit his sound and voice in season five, we've discovered that it doesn't have to be just karaoke. Blake Lewis took it a step forward in season six and then last year was a banner year for "artists" as opposed to "products." I really don't want to go back to the beginning, I want true musical talent to emerge. We want more than just vocalist who can be pushed around by cheap-ass production team 19 Entertainment uses.

Back to Michael. It was a decent vocal, but still nothing special. I think it's going to come down to Anoop and Michael to come in second after Danny Gokey tonight.

Kara doesn't know who Ann Marie Boskovich is as an artist. Has she been watch the same show as I have? After her faithful cover of "I Hope You Dance" during Hollywood week, I could see the slick country-politan singer that Ann Marie is. She does the same thing, pulling a glossy vocal out of her back pocket to perform "Natural Woman." Yeah, she doesn't have the same roundness of sound as Aretha, but I always preferred Carol King's version anyway. (Cue the pearl clutching of my sisters in drag.) It was pretty, a little lightweight, but good. And I don't understand why Kara wants her to do "Love Song" by Sara Barellies. It's a nice song, but that is not who Ann Marie is.

Poor Steven Fowler! He will always be known as the guy who forgot the words (twice!) to David Cook's coronation song "Time Of My Life" last week. This week he attempts Michael Jackson's "Rock With You" and he sounds good. Too bad there is no market for disco singers anymore, because he really does sound nice. Occasionally his voice seems to go off track, but it's a soulful slickness that really fits with the dance floor sound. But, he doesn't leave much of an impression. He reminds me of season four's Vonzell. Nice, but not very memorable.

Why can't Tatiana Del Toro just suck? Not that way, pervs! She's a totaly drama queen and was really obnoxious during her audition and Hollywood week. But she keeps making it through. And now she sounds really good, even tackling the Untouchable herself, Miss Whitney Houston. "Saving All My Love" is not the most difficult Whitney track, but the judges always make the comparison. And Tatiana is good! She has a beautiful voice, and she seems to have taken her Prozac because girlfriend is no longer crazy as hell. We'll see if that is enough to put her through, especially since her only real female competition is Alexis.

Oh, Danny Gokey! You beautiful weeping man, you. I know your wife has only been gone a few months, I hope you won't forget her when you're up to your dick in groupies. Which will happen any minute now. Not just because you're hot (which you are!) but because you can sang. Your version of "Hero" was really lovely. You have great control, great tone and much improved stage presence. I think I love you...

So, who is sticking around? Danny Gokey, for sure. Probably Alexis, but Tatiana may sneak in there. For the third, I think it will come down to the roughneck or Anoop Dogg. We'll find out tonight!

Review: Lily Allen - "It's Not Me, It's You"

Is there any thought Lily Allen has that she refuses to share with the world? The pop star got her start on MySpace, giving the world a close up view of both her music and her innermost thoughts on her blog. She's stopped posting every little thing that pops in her head anymore, but that's OK. She's dumping her musings on family, George W. Bush, drug addiction, God, boys who are bad in bed and the joys of eating Chinese and watching telly in the poppy disc It's Not Me, It's You.

Sonically, Lils' sophomore album is more glossy electro pop than the brassy ragga sounds of Alright, Still. Both albums contain the same juxtaposition of deceptively sunny pop sounds underscoring the alternately confessional and snarky lyrical content. One minute, Lily is bemoaning the lack of sexual prowess in her boyfriend over a spaghetti western beat, the next she uses a fast paced lyrical flow to beg forgiveness of her sister for past slights. She also tries to bury the hatchet with dad and mum on "He Wasn't There" and "Chinese" respectively, and takes to task the drug-addicted hypocrites on "Everyone's At It" and the world's views on aging in "22" - all with a tongue firmly placed in cheek.

The lyrics are still snotty, but in a more mature way than Alright, Still. A mature Lily Allen? Not quite. She still throws the "f" word around like an adorable sailor, but she also uses that wit to reflect on the quite moments in relationships on "Who'd Have Known" and God's views on Creedence Clearwater Revival and jihads on the stunning "Him." A fresh sound from the freshest girl in the game.

Review: Melinda Doolittle - "Coming Back To You"

On the opening track of Melinda Doolittle's deliciously retro debut album, the Idol alum wants to "get back to the fundamental things... to the elements of style." So she does, taking us back to the 60s soul sounds of Motown and Stax. But unlike fellow retro-fetishing pop artists like Amy Winehouse, she doesn't take it any place new.

Lead single "It's Your Love" is full of bombastic drums, strings and female BGVs that sound exactly like a lost Gladys Knight recording. The title track is smooth as butter, possibly the best song on the record. When she tackles the blues classic "Dust My Broom" she really shows the most gritty gospel stomp but she follows it with a sleepy reading of "I'll Never Stop Loving You" - most famously recorded by Doris Day. Melinda Doolittle wins me back with the gospel standard "We Will Find A Way" and cinches the deal with the Wal-Mart exclusive track, a lovely soul cover of Chaka Khan's "Through The Fire."

On Idol, Melinda was always the consummate professional. Her control ed vocals effortlessly inhabited any song, from Faith Hill to Bon Jovi. Unfortunately that level of polish prevents this album from reaching the heights a vocalist like her could reach. It's nice, but we've all heard most of it before.

Mindy Doo, live on Ellen...