Trashy Thursday: "Nothing In This World" - Paris Hilton

Trashy Thursdays will be happening every Thursday (duh) and will feature the trashy pop songs I kinda love. Don't get it twisted, I think pop music is an art form. But like all art, there are brilliant artistic works that are fresh and dynamic and new as well as less inspired pieces of art. Sometimes those less inspired bits are as much fun as the "good" stuff, that's why we're getting trashy!

Paris Hilton is pretty much useless as a singer, but she's not the first girl to make up for it by surrounding herself with top-notch songwriters and producers to make a half-way decent record. Well, half-way decent trash-pop record.

"Nothing In This World" is co-written and produced by Dr. Luke, who is a pop genius. The song is similar to some of his other contemporaneous productions, like "Since U Been Gone" and "Girlfriend" The video is what puts it over the top, it stars a high-school geek who is obsessed with Paris and fantasizes about her. When she moves in next door, he gets her to pretend she's his girlfriend. It's cute, in a slightly pervy kinda way.

Lady Gaga Is Crazy. "Bad Romance" Is Just One Bit Of Evidence

Lady Gaga is a pretty crazy artist, her songs are brilliant examples of how pop music can be both a product and an artistic statement. Her videos are sheer ridiculousness, from the house party gone mad in "Just Dance" to a subway crashing orgy on "Love Game" to a mini-movie on the high price (and death toll) of fame in "Paparazzi." Even the more ordinary video treatments of "Eh Eh (Nothing Else I Can Say)" or "Poker Face" come off as high concept fashion photography than run of the mill pop video making.

But nothing in the past has given us warning as what was to come. "Bad Romance" is as high concept as anything Gaga has ever done, with even more costumes and creepy dancing. Apparently in the Bath Haus of Gaga, they grow sex slaves in pods who are then auctioned off. Or something. The plot isn't important, the costumes are! From the diamond encrusted hat/crown thingy to the insane shoes to the polar bear cape, this video say "couture" in all caps.

As a blond pop singer, Lady Gaga has been compared frequently to Madonna. But I think Grace Jones meets Andy Warhol is probably a more accurate comparison. Watch and decide:



In case the video gets pulled, here's the best bits:

The video opens with The Haus Of Gaga Christmas card photo. I think Uncle John's making a funny face in this one, we'll take another just in case.

"Why Lady Gaga, what big eyes you have!"
"All the better to be fierce with, my dear."

"Quick, grab her before she gets away with all the diamonds!"

These close ups, where Gaga is crying, make her look so intensely beautiful.

That cape? Is FIYA!

When The Video Doesn't Match The Song: Snow Patrol's "Just Say Yes"

I loved Snow Patrol's brilliant Eyes Open album, but the singles I heard from their last release did nothing for me. But when I heard this new song from the Irish band's upcoming Up To Now hits collection I was excited again!

The song is synthy pop brilliance, the chorus is very "Chasing Cars" vocally but musically it's a lot more poppy and almost upbeat. I really enjoyed hearing Gary Lightbody's warm and loose vocals over the bed of pop beats and keyboards, it creates an urgency that makes his vocals contrast.

But the vocals of the song stay loose and smooth, warm and beautiful but not urgent or hysterical. So why is Gary pulling diva faces and jumping around in the clip for the single? If he wanted to show us that level of angst and pain, he should have sung it that way. It may have improved the song, it may have ruined it. I don't know. But the faces he's making don't match the voice that comes out, which destroys the integrity of the clip. The song gets a pair of thumbs up, the video is a waste of time:


Snow Patrol - Just Say Yes

Snow Patrol | MySpace Video

A Real Housewife, A Real Moment Of Musical Brilliance

For those who thought Paris Hilton's Paris was the height of pop music excellence in the new millennium, I have some news for you...

Kim Zolciak is the talented blond from Real Housewives Of Atlanta who makes Paris look like one of those indie chicks who think they can sing but obviously can't. I mean, Fiest doesn't even use a vocoder. What kind of music is that? Seriously, Miley Cyrus's "Party In The USA" might have some competition in the Party Anthem Of All Time. Because here, with the most brilliant pop melody and sheer vocal talent, is Kim's "Tardy For The Party"



Clearly Lady Gaga and Madonna can retire, Cher shouldn't even consider another comeback and Britney and Christina can stick to stay-at-home mom status because we don't need any other pop stars now that Kim Zolciak has blessed us with her gift. All praise to Jesus and hair extensions. Thank you, Andy Cohen, for allowing us to witness the birth of a live performer who will make Barbra Streisand weep.

New Gaga! "Dance In The Dark" Shows Why The Fame Monster Is Pretty Much The Most Fabulous Thing To Happen In 2009

For all the gays crying into their cosmos over our decidedly unfabulous loss of marriage rights in Maine, Lady Gaga has some advice: "Dance In The Dark"

OK, so the newly leaked track (from The Fame Monster) is not about gay marriage, but it's pretty much the gayest song from Lady Gaga. (You didn't think she could top "Boys Boys Boys", but she did.) Complete with eighties synths, a "Vogue"-style breakdown in the middle listing every icon and diva ever (including a Princess Diana shoutout that kills!) and chorus so catchy I had it memorized after three listens, "Dance In The Dark" is literally my favorite song of all time, and I've only just heard it today.

I really hope this is a single, not just an album track. Because girlfriend's "Bad Romance" is so fucking hot, it needs something just as spicy to keep the glitter train rolling all the way to the Haus Of Gaga. Listen: (if YouTube clip disappears, listen at The Hype Machine)

Trashy Thrusdays: "One In A Million" - Bosson

Trashy Thursdays will be happening every Thursday (duh) and will feature the trashy pop songs I kinda love. Don't get it twisted, I think pop music is an art form. But like all art, there are brilliant artistic works that are fresh and dynamic and new as well as less inspired pieces of art. Sometimes those less inspired bits are as much fun as the "good" stuff, that's why we're getting trashy!

In 200, the film Miss Congeniality reintroduced us to the screwball comedy side of Sandra Bullock. The soundtrack introduced me to Bosson and his Backstreet Boys rip off/trash pop classic "One In A Million"

Bosson is a Swedish pop singer who wrote the smaltzy lyrics for his girlfriend at the time, a Miss Sweden winner. It only seems fair it would be a song for the Miss United States pageant. "One In A Million" starts off with a soft falsetto over songs strings and a gently plucked guitar. The first verse is soft electro-pop, the chorus soars with the bizarre lyrics only Swedish songwriters can write. Then the rap bridge take sit over the top - even rhyming "possible" with "impossible." It's so trashy, and I love it.

Review: "New Moon: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack"

I'm not really a "Twihard", but I've read the first two Twilight books, saw the first film and bought the soundtrack. Also, I drool a little over R.Pattz, but what self-respecting gay man doesn't? I do want to see New Moon, and I thought I should check out the soundtrack.

Looking over the artists who contributed all-new material and mixes, it seems a lot more indie-rock than the more emo-slathered soundtrack from Twilight. Should be totally too cool for school, right? The Killers, Death Cab For Cutie, Lykke Li, St Vincent, Grizzly Bear - all have gotten heavy plays at Pics & Convos headquarters and much love in the year-end lists. I should be kvelling.

But I'm not. I'm guessing the producers were going for atmospheric heartbreak, but the sameness from track to track is sleep-inducing. I had to check the tracklist constantly to see which song I was listening to, unless they featured the distinctive vocals of Lykke Li or The Killers' Brandon Flowers. The slow, plodding pace of the songs don't exactly give me high hopes for the film, making this album fail as a marketing piece as well as a musical statement.

This doesn't mean none of the songs are good. Anya Marina's "Satellite Heart" is very pretty, in fact I kinda love it's simple, folksy beauty. The New Moon Remix of Muse's "I Belong To You" is very cool, very seventies glam rock. And lead single "Meet Me On The Equinox" from indie gods Death Cab For Cutie is a decent pop song with a somewhat catchy chorus. But most of these songs are instantly forgettable, if you even stay awake long enough to hear them. But you should try to keep sleep at bay, the disc ends with a movement from Alexandre Desplat's haunting score. "New Moon (The Meadow)" is starkly piano-driven and simply gorgeous. Perhaps a disc of the just the score would have been a better investment.

You Know That They Could "Use Somebody"

Nashville-based Kings Of Leon have been toiling away for ten years, with little success in the US. The UK started embracing them last year and at last they have a few US hits, including the rock ballad "Use Somebody" which has been growing on me for the last few months of it's chartlife.

"Use Somebody" will probably be the band's signature song, but that hasn't stop three artists from place their own stamp on the hit. Below:
The always brilliant Kelly Clarkson has been performing a mash-up of the single with Alanis Morrissette's "That I Would Be Good" on tour.
Emo/punk-poppers Paramore stopped by BBC Radio One's Live Lounge in September and did a fairly faithful acoustic version.
Bat For Lashes also dropped by the Lounge in the beginning of the year and added a spooky organ and tamborine to the haunting melody.
American Idol's Brooke White covered the track for her recent release, High Hopes & Heartbreaks, and did it a sunny, 1970s FM Radio way.
One Tree Hill star and singer Tyler Hilton uses a piano to give the song a little gravitas.
Kings On Leon perform live.