Tuesday, December 20, 2011

The Top Ten Nicki Minaj Lines Of 2011

I was gonna start on my list of top songs of 2011 when I realized something. I kinda hated 2011 in music. Amy Winehouse died, LMFAO killed 27% of brain cells in the world and J.Lo had a comeback.

But not all is lost! One of the music stories I've been dying over this year is the rise of Nicki Minaj. Her debut album, Pink Friday, may not have been as fi-ya as we were expecting but it did quietly hit number one on the Billboard Top 200 Albums chart and her ridiculous feature raps and outfits continued to entertain us until "Super Bass" blew me away as a summer jam supreme. Here are the top ten insane rhymes the lass once known as Onika Tanya Maraj gave us in 2011.

10.  "Till The World Ends" - Britney Spears feat Nicki Minaj & Ke$ha

"I ain't talking poultry when I say this chicken's fried"


Britney Spears had quite a year in 2011, Femme Fatale dropped three top ten hits, she turned 30 and ended the year with an engagement. Could Nicki's rap feature on a remix of second single "Till The World Ends" (which also featured the song's co-writer Ke$ha) have given the be-weaved one a boost?

9.  "Dance (A$$)" - Big Sean feat Nicki Minaj

"You fucking little whores fucking up my decors/couldn't get Micheal Kors if you were fucking Micheal Kors"

Again, Nicki pops up on a remix of an otherwise lame hiphop song, this time by Big Sean. But a Micheal Kors shout out always makes up for production flaws and boring sex-obsessed rhymes.

8.  "The Creep" - The Lonely Island feat Nicki Minaj & John Waters

"And when you sneak into a wake and you see a beefcake/Do the creep, HAH!/Do the creep, HAH!"

The Lonely Island grabbed double the queer-friendly power with John Waters bookending their stalker-themed comedy single and Nicki Minaj watching dudes undress from inside a locker. Get your arms T-Rexing, kids.

7.  "Y.U. Mad" - Birdman feat Nicki Minaj & Lil Wayne

"Hi, how are you? Yes it's nice to meet me."

Bragging is a staple of rap music, but nobody lays it out more simply than Nicki.

6. "Where Them Girls At" - David Guetta feat Flo Rida & Nicki Minaj

"Pebe, Pebe, who's Peabo Bryson?/Two years ago I renewed my license/Anyway, why'd I start my verse like that?/You can suck a dick, you can suck a ballsack/No! No! I don't endorse that/pause that/abort that"

After dissing Peabo Bryson, where else can our girl go? Dissing her own rhyme skills and teabagging, natch. Nothing like a rapper who can subtly poke fun at her own ability to spit nonsense and still get a hit. Wheezy, you next.

5. "Fly" - Nicki Minaj feat Rihanna

"I am not a word/I am not a line/I am not a girl who can ever be defined/I am not fly/I am levitation/I represent an entire generation"

In a more introspective moment for Nicki, she speaks the truth of thousands of girls who refused to be defined by the world and instead define themselves. The video reflects that - she appears as a ninja and Tinkerbell and S&M Barbie with Bride of Frankenstien hair, portraying many sides of the same "strong woman" coin.

4. "Roman In Moscow" - Nicki Minaj

"I ain't on my period but I got a new pad."

Nicki releases her sophomore disc Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded featuring her most outrageous alter ego Roman Zolanski. The "angry gay guy" doesn't pull any punches on the lead single, and indulges in this slightly less angry gay guy's favorite type of humor - menstruation puns. I'm sick, I know.

3. "Moment For Life" - Nicki Minaj feat Drake

"I call the shots, I am the umpire/I sprinkle holy water upon a vampire/In this very moment I'm king/at this very moment I slay Goliath with the sling"

Nicki takes the crown as king, compares herself to a vampire hunter like Van Helsing and a giant killer like David and yet loses none of her feminine spirit. This is why I look at Nicki as part of a new breed of feminist. They don't care if they have to be dude-like or girly, they are bad bitches who get shit done.

2. "Monster" - Kanye West feat Rick Ross, Jay Z, Nicki Minaj, Bon Iver

"You could be the king but watch the queen conquer"

The creepy video finally saw an official release this last summer, and the controversy surrounding use of female corpses in it led to a disclaimer at the beginning. But there are also dead male corpses, Nicki Minaj is very much alive in the clip and it seems like an intentional amping up of the misogeny already seen in hip hop videos. Just hearing Nicki's verse, which still gets me pumped a year after it's release, shows the exact opposite intent, on her part at least.

1. "Super Bass" - Nicki Minaj

"He could ball with the crew, he could solo/But I think I like him better when he dolo/And I think I like him better with the fitted cap on/He ain't even gotta try to put the mac on/He just gotta give me that look, when he give me that look/Then the panties comin' off, off, uh/Excuse me, you're a hell of a guy you know I really got a thing for American guys/I mean, sigh, sickenin' eyes I can tell that you're in touch with your feminine side"

Bubblegum rap is usually good for a bouncy beat or hooky chorus. And "Super Bass" has both, but it also has a pretty sweet rap (no pun intended.) The verses had teen scene queens Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez in a tizzy and little girls popping up on YouTube and the Ellen show with covers of the edited version. I also swoon for Jay Brannan's Long Island accent on "panties coming awf, awf" in his cover. This song was everywhere this summer, winning a VMA and a possible number one spot on my year end list.

Friday, November 11, 2011

The Wanted Are Totes Wankable, "Glad You Came" Is A Pretty Good Single, Too

The flip side to having Sirius installed in my car is all the hot music I can catch that the local stations ignore. The Wanted is a boyband out of the UK & Ireland and 20 On 20 and Hits One have been playing their single "Glad You Came" pretty regularly. It's a really pretty, yet bouncy pop track with a great accordion break a la "Stereo Love" which is right in my wheel house.

Well, while I was searching for yesterday's shitstorm of suck "Pick Up The Phone" I stumbled across the video for "Glad You Came" and almost had to excuse myself to the loo for a quick wank. (They make me all British sounding, in addition to raising my temp!) These lads are stunning, the one with the striped apron above looks like the love child of Puck from Glee and Robbie Williams (i.e. totes boffable.)

Oh, and the song is still pretty sweet.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

This Is The Worst Song You Will Hear Today

I have been really enjoying the Sirius radio that came free with my new Kia Forte (not product placement!) especially the commercial free pop stations that allow me to catch some new songs that are rocking my world. But with a wider variety of songs to hear comes the possibility that some real shit will slip through.

I didn't know who Meddz was when I heard his awful, faux-Europop single "Pick Up The Phone" on the 20 On 20 pop station. Apparently he's some kind of dancehall/reggae artist, but this song is a shitty rip off of Taio Cruz or Jay Sean with lyrics that are literally about how hasn't bothered calling his chick in two weeks but can't figure out why she won't pick up the phone. So he pokes her on Facebook (people still do that?) and is gonna "Twitter" his love to the world.

The video is even worse. Like the two chicks that are talking about Meddz' terrible behavior are sitting in the most awkward positions ever, the framed picture that he caresses is clearly green screened in. Watch it here, or listen to the half of the song that YouTube allows me to embed. Hilariously embarrassing stuff.


Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Do You "L-U-V" The Leaked Madonna Song?

I love Madonna. One of my all time favorite songs is "Like A Prayer" and I even really enjoyed Hard Candy. So I've been sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for news about her 2012 LP, which meant I couldn't wait to get home from work last night to check out the leaked demo of "Give Me Your Love" that was blowing up my Twitter.

At first I was ready to turn it off. What the fresh hell is this? What is Madge doing ripping off Avril Lavigne Gwen Stefani Toni Basil? That cheerleader sound is not fresh, and with William Orbit and Martin Solveig reported to be involved with the album I was hoping for a modern sound that is also classic, like "Frozen" was.

But the more I listen, the less I hate it. Rumor has it MIA and Nicki Minaj are slated to rap on the finished mix and a more polished sound would elevate it, especially if they have MIA chant the "L-U-V Madonna/Y-O-U wanna?" Her voice would make it less silly, more insane. And it is frakking catchy as hell, I found myself repeating both the chorus and the cheer while housecleaning.

So I recant, Madonna can do no wrong. Except "Hanky Panky."

Check out "Give Me Your Love" from Perez Hilton's blog (one of the few places it hasn't been pulled from yet!) Ad plays before song...

Monday, October 31, 2011

Kelly Clarkson's Ex-Boyfriend Anger Gets "Stronger"

Kelly Clarkson sings my life. I have lost count of how many times I have said that, but it remains true and not the slightest bit glib.

From leaving a small town behind for bigger adventures in "Breakaway" to the tired, broken girl on "Irvine" to the mother-issues-addled child of a broken home on "Because Of You" to vitriol-spitting ex-girlfriend on pretty much every other single, Kelly has been telling the stories that I have lived and the emotions I have felt throughout her post-Idol career.

On her 5th album, Stronger, Kelly tackles her most famous role again - hurt and angry ex-girlfriend with sass and attitude to spare. Like My December with better hooks, Stronger focuses on rock-guitar laced breakup anthems while the occasional foray into ballads and even light R&B. Lead single "Mr. Know It All" would make the album seem like a Bruno Mars inspired R&B/pop affair, but Kelly quickly delves into dancable pop rock on the exemplary title track before veering into what she does best - angry kiss offs like "Honestly" and "You Love Me." A spooky music box intro leads into introspective lyrics where she holds out hope for love that accepts her on her own level on "Dark Side." Other songs showing a more nuanced look at the end of relationships than her breakthrough "Since U Been Gone" are "The War Is Over" and the gorgous ballad "Breaking Your Own Heart"

The album is not without flaws - "Einstein" is well below Kelly's intelligence level with the nonsensical chorus lyric "dumb plus dumb equals you" and the disc should have either jettisoned "Mr. Know It All" or found some more R&B sounds to make it seem less of an oddball track. Even her "flop" dark rock-orientated My December found room for funkier fare like "How I Feel" and "Yeah."

The deluxe edition includes her hit duet with Jason Aldean "Don't You Wanna Stay" and two more rocking breakup jams. But another duet, with former Idol judge and hitmaking songwriter Kara DioGuardi, is a very pretty and hopeful sounding end to a sometimes dark night of the soul.

(PS: can you tell My December is my favorite Kelly Clarkson album?)

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Kelly Clarkson Aims For Gay Clubs With "What Doesn't Kill You"

I was out this past weekend for a birthday, and we went to local gay club Stallions (so discreet!) Now this isn't the type of gay club where they play Cazwell and obscure European dance pop, it's kinda lame with it's top 40 remixes on the dancefloor. But they played a really hot remix of Adele's latest single "Someone Like You" that reminded me of the heyday of club divas - big vocals over a slamming four-on-the-floor beat. I miss that CeCe Peniston/Martha Walsh sound!

Seems Kelly has been, too. She just put up the second official release of music off her upcoming 5th LP Stronger - the pseudo title track "What Doesn't Kill You (Stronger)" It starts out kinda indie-guitarish then hits the chorus and (to quote PopJustice) "explodes into gay." I need this in the club, not another Rihanna remix. Kelly is the last of the female megastars of the 00s to explore dance music, so I think she's due.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Based On A True Story

I've been reading almost exclusively non-fiction these days, which is a complete turn around from my childhood. The one genre that held my attention in between Nancy Drew then and histories of gay porn and disco now is celebrity memoirs. As a kid I devoured the entire autobiography section of our rural library - which meant I'd read autobios of Reba, Dolly, Barbara Mandrell and Kathie Lee by the time I was 15. As a sheltered child I knew of these names but very little of what they did. I was entranced by their stories none the less.

Recently I finished Ricky Martin's exquisite memoir Me. As much as I was hoping for a juicy tell all with lots of details about exploits with other attractive Latin men, it was a surprisingly engaging and very spiritual life story. He didn't name names but he did discuss in depth his own inner turmoil surrounding his sexuality, his infamous interview with Barbara Walters (where he denied his homosexuality) and eventual decision to come out while writing the book.

But Me is about a lot more than that. It's about leaving his family to join the factory-like atmosphere of Menudo, his exhaustion after his US breakthrough and his calling to protect children around the world from sex traffickers. He talks about becoming a father. It's beautiful and a rather literary read. It could have used a few more pictures of the sexy star, but it's not really that kind of book. Unfortunately.

But turning to something a little more silly on the surface, I also read Confessions Of A Prairie Bitch by Alison Arngrim. The former child star of Little House On The Prairie is to this day known around the world as the hateful brat Nellie Oleson, even to the point of being beat up at a press event by child fans of the show during its heyday.

But Alison's story is much deeper than playing one of the most famous villains on family friendly TV. Her parents were in a marriage of convenience, a gay father who pushed his two kids into any publicity to further their career. Her brother molested her, starting at age 6. And she lost her gay best friend and TV husband to AIDS. These events led her into speaking up for AIDS organizations and going on Larry King Live to get tougher incest penalties enacted in California. Being a prairie bitch opened doors and gave a hurt young girl strength.

I would highly recommend both books to more than just fans of these very different celebrities.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Selena Gomez & The Scene Up The Ante On "When The Sun Goes Down"


It's no (longer) a secret that I've been stanning for Selena Gomez over the past year or so. Starting with her glorious first minor radio hit "Naturally" (from the otherwise snoozy Kiss & Tell) through the surprisingly funny and entertaining Wizard Of Waverly Place: The Movie, I grew to really enjoy her output.

Her second album, Year Without Rain, was a marked improvement over her debut but it was still weighed down with way too much filler. This is where Selena and her band The Scene get it right on When The Sun Goes Down. While a few tracks are totally skip-worthy, the bulk of the songs are great jams. The lead single, empowerment anthem "Who Says" is a sunny teen pop sing-along, also appearing in Spanish as "Dices." The bulk of the album is more dance poppy, with the new wave-y second single "Love You Like A Love Song" being a real stand out. Also worth checking out are "Bang Bang Bang" and the Britney Spears-penned "Whiplash" as well as the more laid back "We Own The Night" which was co-written and features British pop singer Pixie Lott.

Even if you're not a teeny bopper fan, club kids of all ages and stripes should find some fun, bouncy summer jams on this album. Bonus: the photos in the booklet are stunning.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

In Defense of Brainless Comedy

I was never much a TV watcher as a young person. We didn't have cable, so our main exposure to TV was Sesame Street, then taped episodes of Touched By An Angel and Christy (starring Kellie Martin as a turn of the century school marm in Appalachia and Tyne Daly as her Quaker mentor) that my grandmother would send us.

As an adult I was mostly interested in music television, watching VH1, CMT and MTV2 until all hours of the night to learn about new bands, watch countdown lists to learn what was considered "the best" and catching videos that I had always been told were filthy only to learn they weren't that bad. Over time I became obsessed with dramas like Joan of Arcadia, Lost (though I still haven't seen the last season) and Ugly Betty and reality competition like American Idol, Project Runway and Top Chef. But there was only a brief period where TV really ruled my schedule.

Now, with the exception of American Idol, I no longer have a "must see show." But I love to laugh, and even if I've seen the show before, or haven't seen the show but know exactly where the joke is going, I will flip on really awful sitcoms just as much as the high brow stuff. Yes, Arrested Development was quite funny, as are smart britcoms like Little Britain and Coupling but I don't need groundbreaking stuff to elicit a chuckle. Hell, a plausible plot isn't even necessary.

Just look at my love for kiddie coms like Wizards Of Waverly Place or iCarly. One features a family of wizards, the other a group of high schoolers with a webshow that apparently generates enough dough to pay for a pretty nice apartment.

But Disney Channel's breakout Wizards actress Selena Gomez has ridiculous comic timing, as does her hot on screen brother David Henrie. The scripts are ludicrous, with vampires, mummies and angels randomly showing up to break hearts or wreak havoc. Selena's character Alex is delightful slacker who refuses to study her magic classes, leaving her always screwing up spells while cracking wise. Silly, I know, but it makes me laugh.

Mean on Nickelodeon, iCarly is even more ridiculous. Miranda Cosgrove's Carly frequently plays straight man to Jeannette McCurdy's badass prankster Sam. Carly lives with her older brother, a starving artist type that acts even younger than high school aged Carly. The webshow that Carly, Sam and friend/camera man Freddie produce is, thankfully, very briefly shown. It look obnoxious, but the situations the gang get into while going to school and producing the show are light and fluffy fun. Recurring gags like Sam's love of food and secret crush on her frienemy Freddie keep it interesting and silly. It makes me laugh.

But even adult sitcoms, like TvLand's current pair on Wednesday nights Hot In Cleveland and Happily Divorced, are not exactly high brow entertainment. I know Betty White nabbed an Emmy nom for Hot, but she's basically playing Rue McClannahan's part on Golden Girls while Valerie Bertinelli, Janes Leeves and Wendie Malick try for smalltown Sex & The City types. Not exactly fresh stuff, but it makes me laugh.

Fran Drescher pulls from real life in her new sitcom, Happily Divorced. After her hubby and producing partner came out as a gay man, the two created a sitcom based on the situation. While that could have lead into some fascinating insight into the real stories of late in life comings out, Happily Divorced never met a cliche it didn't love. And last weeks episode was very ham fisted in it's look at under-the-surface homophobia. But still, it makes me laugh.

Finally, Keeping Up With The Kardashians may not be a sitcom but that doesn't keep it from being as scripted as the rest of these shows. And it provides just as many laughs. From meddling mom Kris to the sisterly infighting to longsuffering hubby Bruce, these broadly played characters and scenarios are pulled from the sitcom handbook, right down to the Full House-y family hugs that end most episodes. What have we learned from this very special episode? It makes me laugh.

None of these shows are blowing me away with their new insights on humanity but, as I reiterated, they make me laugh. I don't have to follow the plot carefully, I can miss a couple episodes or even a few scenes in an episode whilst I flip over to Food Network and still get the gist and walk away chuckling. That's all I ask of my comedy. If I can get Noel Coward, Dorothy Parker or Jane Austen, I'll take it. But there's nothing wrong with an ABC Family original like Melissa & Joey or State Of Georgia, either. After all, it makes me laugh.

Monday, July 11, 2011

"He's Got The Whole World In His Pants"

Have you ever had a boneheaded moment when you realized that you have been singing the wrong words for years? Not just substituting "loaded gun complex" for "loaded God complex" in "Sugar, We're Going Down" or scrambling "Bohemian Rhapsody" but mis-singing the title of a popular song, over and over again?

As a kid, I had a book of these lyrical gaffes and we LOL'd over them frequently. "Hold my clothes and tie me down sir" instead of "Hold me closer, tiny dancer"? Silly human ears. Of course, "'Scuse Me While I Kiss This Guy" is now a website (interwebs is the new books, kids!) for you to browse other people's mistakes.

I was please to find out that I was not the only one mistaking the chorus of Til Tuesday's one hit "Voices Carry" to be "hush, hush/Even downtown was so scary"

However, it seems I am alone in thinking Prince wasn't singing about a "Little Red Corvette" but a "Mir-a-cle Man." As a child, I assume it was a Jesus song.

So, what lyrics have you goofed on?

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Kelly Clarkson Doesn't "Let Me Down" On New Single (Possible Summer Jam?)

KELLY CLARKSON!!!!! ZOMG I LOVE YOU LONG TIME!!!!1!!

Sorry. Had a fangirl moment there. Ahem. Kelly's lead single from her upcoming, currently untitled, album is here and I am loving it. The OG Idol returns to the scorned-woman-rocking-out sound that served her well on singles like "All I Ever Wanted," "Walk Away," "Never Again," and "Since U Been Gone" and it's easy to see her charting high again.

Kelly told MTV that the new album was influenced by Prince, Tina Turner and Radiohead and it's easy to assume her collaborations with Jason Aldean and Reba McIntire may give it a little Nashville swing. But "Let Me Down" is classic Clarkson - a rocking pop jam with a kick ass chorus and that voice giving ultimate kiss-off lines like "the funny thing about forever is it comes with a side of never-never" and "when it counts, you countdown."

Perfect summer music, ready to get obsessed?

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

The Summer Jams 2011

Summer started last week and it's time for hot jams pumping from hot cars on hot summer afternoons. These are the jams I've started pumping from my Kia:


Selena Gomez & The Scene - "Love You Like A Love Song"
You may recall that a (pre-Beibs) Selena Gomez single "Naturally" was my jam last spring. It was everything that breezy teen dance pop should be. Her follow up album Year Without Rain had a stunning title track. Now lil' miss "Wizards Of Waverly Place" is blowing up my speakers now. "Who Says" she's not perfect?


Rye Rye feat Robyn - "Never Will Be Mine"
Baltimore teen rapper Rye Rye hooks up with the queen of "sad gay disco songs" for a slow rap about giving up on loser boyfs. It's a sneaky little single, it slips into your brain and stays for days.


Nicki Minaj - "Super Bass"
The poppiest single from Barbie so far. While the rap has some hot moments (though not as craycray as "Monster" or "Roman's Revenge"), it's the chorus that just says dancing by the pool. My my, it's like pelican fly... and summery fresh! Also, it's Taylor Swift approved!


Lady Gaga - "Edge Of Glory"
The video is crap, but this power ballad is basically "Don't Stop Believing" for a new millennium (as sung in the style of Pat Benatar.)


Neon Trees - "Your Surrender"
The "Animal"istic ones are back with more new wave dance rock goodness.


Tinie Tempah feat Eric Turner - "Written In The Stars"
No, it's not a cover of that LeeAnn Rimes/Elton John duet from Aida. It's Brit rap with a hot hook (sung by a hot hipster!)

Who did I miss? Tell me in the comments!

Baby, She Was "Born This Way"


I am finally getting around to putting my feelings about Lady Gaga's latest into words. I've been been living with the album for a month now, playing in cars and at home - the true test of an album's quality.

At first I wasn't sold. The industrial vibe that runs through about half the album sounds really harsh compared to the glossiness of the RedOne collabos from The Fame Monster but hearing it up against the more arena rock sounds that also permeate Born This Way it grows on me. While the album on the whole has a dancable sound, it is light years away from Gaga's breakthrough hit "Just Dance."

Gaga borrows from 1980s Queen and Bruce Springsteen as well as previous donors Madonna and Micheal Jackson before adding on the industrial beats. In fact, "Edge Of Glory" not only features the much talked about Clarence Clemons solo but a hook drenched rock chorus that Pat Benatar would die for. And "You & I" is a bluesy rock love ballad that would fit in on Born In The USA any day.

It's not all 80s rehashing, Gaga experiments with "mariachi house" on "Americano," German industrial on the feminist club anthem "Scheiße" and operatic vocal flourishes with "Government Hooker" and "Bloody Mary."

Lyrically, "Bloody Mary", "Judas" and "Born This Way" show a religious bent but even in more carnal moments like "You & I" and "Bad Kids" Gaga shows her true spiritual self. It's a manifesto on loving yourself and your flaws, because "we are not just art for Michelangelo to carve." It's a strangely maternal album, underneath all that craziness.

So, what does everybody else think?

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Idol Recap! "Songs By Your Favorite Artists"

Ok, children. American Idol has returned to my heart. I'm watching. I'm recapping. You betta read, covergurls.

So, Lauren Alaina is a country girl at heart and she loves Shania Twain. I also love Shania Twain but cannot for the life of me figure out why people keep doing "Any Man Of Mine" Why can't they do "Party For Two"? Any way, the singing was a little kareoke and even shouty at parts. But she's really spunky. Unlike Mary Tyler Moore's boss, I like spunk.

Next up is the man with the magic beard - Casey Abrams. His idol is Joe Cocker, and he is singing "A Little Help From My Friends." The song does nothing for me, but his vocals are gritty and growly and kinda cool.

Ashton Jones has the Diana Ross hair going on, so it's not surprising she picks the Supreme singer as her fave. But her vocals were a little shrill, I'm not sure she should have gone so high. And J.Lo's not the only one that didn't know this song, I only know it from when the Idols did a charity recording of it in Carrie Underwood's season.

J.Lo also hadn't heard of Ryan Adams. I think most of America will be hearing his songs for the first time via Paul McDonald. I only know his song "Stars Go Blue" - as covered by Tim McGraw (and The Corrs) but this one has a nice alt country vibe and his vocals go well in that sound. His jacket is very Coldplay, and his moves are very Chris Martin via Thom Yorke.

Pia Toscano has THE VOICE! She sounds very much like her Idol Celine. She done sang "All By Myself" but I don't get anything from her besides vocal gymnastics. Which is all good for now, but I need more as the weeks go by.

James Durbin loves wearing his chains. And Paul McCartney. His vocals are off the chain, though. His restrain barely holds together, which is very rock n roll. His voice just wants to bust out!

A LeeAnn Rimes fan, Haley Reinhart is singing "Blue" and while she has a pretty voice, it isn't up to the challenge of that yodelly song.

Jacob Lusk loves R. Kelly, I hope he's not also a fan of alleged pederasty and water sports. And Holy Fuddruckers, that run at the end of "I Believe I Can Fly" was off the hook! So full of vocal energy and craziness.

I think Thia Megia is such a little cutie, but I concur with the judges that she was better on the first half of the song. I really want to hear more from her!

I thought Stefano Langone's "Lately" was subpar. He seemed out of his league in parts. He's cute, though, and he managed to make it work towards the end.

Oh, Karen Rodriguez! I wanted her to be awesome doing her idol Selena's "I Could Fall In Love" and she wasn't. Her vocals couldn't handle the lower notes, and even the higher ones seemed shaky. But I have a feeling she will have a strong Latino voting bloc and will stick around for a while yet.

Scotty McCreary sang Garth Brooks. Nothing about that shocks me. He does what he does well, but it's not for me.

Niama Adedapo is completely unique. Her reggae/rap breakdown in the middle of "Umbrella" brought fresh fire to a song that has become part of the American Songbook. I can't wait to hear what she does next, after a fast jazz take on "Summertime" last week she's the only one I look forward to. Also, she looks like Boy George. Which is to say: AWESOME!

Nothing Compares 2 U Crying On Camera

In the pantheon of emotional trickery in music videos, nothing beats a camera closeup that captures the tear streaked face of a (usually young, pretty) woman. Let's take a look...

Of course, the granddaddy of all close up cry shots is Sinéad O'Connor's MTV Video of the Year winning clip for "Nothing Compares 2 U" The shot is so powerful, you forget the rest of the video exists.


Kelly Clarkson's video for "Because Of You" has more plot than the others, but the shots of a blond Clarkson singing into the mirror are more interesting than the "TV movie of the week" action scenes with the little girl. She acts quite well in some of them, but just before the bridge we see the emotion welling up and she cries real tears with that ugly scrunched up cry face that Amber Tamblyn does so well.


Meanwhile, Duffy uses the crying game to distract for the sleepiness of her single "Warwick Avenue." It's a very pretty cry, her mascara running like a drag queen doing a dramatic lipsync. I don't mean to make fun, but it's a little obvious that it's meant to tug at heartstrings. Watch here.

Janelle Monáe does an almost direct homage to Sinead's weepies on "Cold War" - down to the way the shot is framed for much of the video making her seem bald. But when she has her first well of emotion, she goes nuts with a head tremble that turns into the shakes. It's another minute before the real, glistening tear rolls out and streaks her youthful cheeks. Girl knows how to do it!

Monday, March 7, 2011

Why Is Justin Bieber The Most Bullied Teen In The World?

I'm not going to even pretend that I am a Bielieber. I don't have Bieber Fever, but I do respect that he does know how to play drums and other instruments. His songs are catchy, and his voice is a little high pitched but so was Micheal Jackson's as his age.

I am as guilty as the next guy at poking fun at the pint sized pop star. But I started noticing a disturbing trend on my Facebook feed. There is a meme of starting pages to "like" on the social network with names like: "God, take Justin Bieber and give us back _____" The blank can filled with any number of dead rock stars, from MJ to Elvis to Kurt Cobain to Dimebag Darrell to 2Pac to Biggie to The Rev. While I'm sure fans of these people would love to have them back, to see them performing and recording again, I don't see this as a tribute to a beloved icon as much as an attack on a teenage boy.

Yes, Justin is cocky sometimes and his music is as overplayed as any other hit on the radio. But why do so many people, even in jest, wish him dead?

And the hate is everywhere. After a concert goer threw a water bottle at him, a video of the event went viral - getting reposted and remixed over and over. Tee shirts with hateful slogans are available all over the Internet. His sexuality is frequently questioned. After Justin appeared on tv show CSI for the second time, the video of him being shot by cops also went viral, being viewed 17 million times.

Do people genuinely hate Justin Bieber, or this just the normal backlash against a popular musician?

It comes down, in part at least, to misogyny, male posturing and hetero-sexism. Girls like him and have basically created his fame, so therefore he is threat to the male-dominated music industry. He looks girly sometimes, wearing purple and a unisex hairstyle, so he must be gay and therefore bad. He doesn't follow "male" norms - treating girls badly and just looking for poon. He must be gay and therefore bad. And if girls like him, he can't be any good? Noticed no one is making "God, you can take Justin Bieber, just give us back Janis Joplin [or Left-Eye Lopes]"

Justin seems to take it all in stride: after the jokes about his "lesbian" haircut led to website dedicated to lesbians that look like him, he told Chelsea Handler that he thought it was funny. He appeared on the cover of Love magazine's Androgyny issue with the title "Justin Bieber - The Beautiful One" under his striking eyes and full lips - clearly the boy is not ashamed of being androgynous.

Which is partially why preteen girls love him. He doesn't seem threatening or fully sexualized, he's just sweet and cute and not so different from her girl friends, only a boy.

I don't have the answers, but I do know that in a world where bullying is increasing and hate is too easy to find we really shouldn't be dissing someone that just makes girls smile. Viva la Bieber!

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Sermon Rewind: "Shine A Light"

A sermon from Febuary, in text form.

We have our rituals. Our morning routines, designed to get ourselves ready for the day in a timely manner. For me, a work day ritual involves hitting snooze only twice, gathering my clothing and heading straight to the bathroom for the same cleansing routine every morning. If I feel lazy or have an extra stop on my way to work I know I can skip shaving for one day. I know how much time I can spend checking Facebook, and which route to take to work. I have it down pat, even if I am barely awake I can get myself together.

When I get to work, I know my routine there. One day a few weeks ago my battery died and I had to wait for my sister to come jump it. I was 25 minutes late, I arrived only 5 minutes before I had to open the store. I knew my routine well enough to streamline it in my head on my drive, what tasks were urgent and what I could put off until after I opened the doors. I clocked in while archiving sales, I hit the lights as I flew past them. I was a model of efficiency that morning. I had the store open by 9 AM.

Years of almost mindless repetition had made each task part of my body, I didn’t have the think at all - which made opening the store easy. But when have I made my spiritual life a routine? Do I go through the motions so often that I don’t even think about what I’m doing or who I’m doing it for?

In Isaiah’s time, the people of Israel had created a routine. They knew when they sinned, they just had to fast and pray and BAM! Forgiven, God’s favor shines, all is well. They didn’t want to think about what God wanted from them. Just skip a day of food, maybe throw on some sackcloth and itch a little. It’s cool.

Nearly every major religion makes use of fasting to some extent, In Catholicism, there are fasts on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday and the practice of giving up meat during Lent. Many Protestant denominations have similar Lenten fasts. In Islam, the month of Ramadan is spent abstaining from food, drink and sex during daylight hours. And the Jewish faith have seven full days of fasting, including Yom Kippur.

The passage from Isaiah this morning appears to be referring to Yom Kippur, The Day Of Atonement. On the Day of Atonement, besides abstaining from eating and drinking, there is no bathing, no using perfumes or lotions, no wearing leather shoes and no marital relations. It also included animal sacrifices.

Fasting is a way to sacrifice, to give up something we need as a reminder of God’s sacrifices. As a way to remove a barrier to spiritual communion with God. A tool to teach us patience and self control. But it can also become a routine, just another ritual to go through to get what we want from God.

And that is what the people of Isaiah’s time were doing. Instead of treating each other with respect, treating their employees well, giving to the poor and hungry they just went through the motions, continuing on with their rituals.

But God was not looking for routines and rituals. God says:

“Is this not the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loosen the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter - when you see the naked, to clothe them, and not to turn away from your own flesh? Then your light will break forth like the dawn…”

God is looking for us to give up our selfishness and our greed. God is not satisfied by rote repetition of spiritual practices. God is pleased when we fast and pray, when we bow before our Maker. But not when it becomes a replacement to following God’s commands.

We are called to be God’s light into the dark places of the world. We are called to stop injustice when we see it. We are called to share our food with the hungry. We are called to provide the wanderer with shelter.

We can’t hide inside church walls, behind the liturgy and tradition when there is a world that needs our light.

In Matthew, Jesus tells us we are the salt of the world. In ancient times, salt was highly valuable. The Greeks called it divine. It was a common food preservative, it keeps food from spoiling. It also increases the flavor of food.

What does it mean to be the salt of the earth? It means that we are here to preserve it. To keep the world, and the people of it, whole, healthy, unspoiled. And like the flavor of meat and vegetables are enhanced and brightened by salt, Jesus has tasked us with adding flavor and meaning to this world. To be the one to show the deeper layers of life. To say, there is more than just what is going on in my own little head. Saltiness is one of the 5 flavors our taste buds can detect, and salt distracts from bitter edges of some flavors making them seem sweeter. That is one of our roles as the salt of the earth. To bring sweetness, goodness and joy to the forefront.

Jesus also tells us that we are the light of the world. Just like a city on a hill cannot be hidden, people do not put a light under a bushel. Now, most of us probably think of a candle tucked under a bushel basket when we hear this passage, but the kind of bushel used in Jesus day was an earthenware bowl. So instead of merely hiding a light, the lamp would be snuffed out by the lack of air.

If we are to be the light of the world, we cannot hide ourselves until we lose our light, we must shine proudly. We must “Shine our light before all, that they may see our good works and glorify our Parent in heaven.”

We cannot hide within these walls. If we are to be light shining in the dark places of this world, we cannot stay contained within our church. We cannot circle the wagons, creating a smaller society of Christ followers that have no impact on the outside world.

Since I was a small child, I have seen churches and their members attempt to isolate themselves. To make a separate community, one where Christians and non-Christians do not mix. There are Christian banks, Christian business groups, attempts made to create Christian only housing developments. There is nothing wrong with wanting to interact with other Christians, but our intent must never be to hide.

God has given us a light to shine, but if we hide it away we will smother it. It is no use to us if we do not shine, to go into the world and show God’s love, compassion and mercy to the world.

We must do our part. Feeding the hungry, clothing the poor, caring for the outcasts of society. We are not put on this earth to rubber stamp approval onto the status quo, to turn a blind eye the atrocities humans inflict on each other. We are to be rebels, revolutionize the world leaving it better than we found. Brighter. Saltier.

For too long the church has cast off its role, leaving governments and businesses to care for the ailing and the destitute. We don’t like what we see, the homelessness and hungry in so much need. But so often we have expected someone else to take care of it.

How is that being salt and light? How are we shining a light into a dark place? This world is filled with darkness, children taken as soldiers in Africa or sold as sexual objects in Asia. Whole families going to bed hungry in the US and around the world. People dying of Malaria in Africa. As long is there is social injustice, inhumane practices and hate, anger and fear in this world, we must shine a light.

We have each been given a skill set, are we using those skills to leave this world a better place? Are we enhancing the world around us?

There is nothing wrong with fasting. With prayers and ceremonies, traditions and rituals. These are ways to draw close to God, to absorb the spiritual energy that God provides. There is nothing wrong with Christian fellowship. These things are good and wholesome. They are designed to fuel our fire, not to be the be all and end all of our existence. If we think that is the extent of our spiritual journey, that is where it goes wrong.

In James chapter 2, the Apostle says this: “What good is it if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them “Go, I wish you well, keep warm and well fed” but does nothing about the physical needs, what good is it?”

First off, if someone says “Go, I wish you well, keep warm and well fed” with the knowledge that this person doesn’t have the means to do so, that person is kind of a jerk. Jerk stands in for a lot of other words that I couldn’t use this morning.

But, furthermore, that person is doing the very thing Isaiah was prophesying about some 700 years before. It seems that people never change. We go through the motions of following God, but don’t always want to do the work.

Notice what is says above the door way as you walk out of this sanctuary. “What does the Lord require of you? To do Justice. And to love Mercy. And to walk Humbly with our God.”

That is the light we have to share with the world. Justice. Mercy. Humility.

We want the rewards, like God owes us something. We want God to forgive us, so we can go do the same thing again. We have to change, we have to become salt and light and impact our community and that is not easy. There is so much darkness in the world, where can you shine your light?

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Girls Like Us: Kelly Clarkson, P!nk & the Max Martin Factor (Pt 2)

Yesterday I introduced two artists that have to potential to be Girls Like Us. Here is the rest of the story:

After Kelly's massive success with Max Martin/Dr Luke penned singles "Since U Been Gone" and "Behind These Hazel Eyes" Pink was the next female star to hook up with the hit making duo. Her next disc, 2006's I'm Not Dead opened with the single "Stupid Girls" - a scathing indictment of fame-chasing celebutants. While the song was controversial, with a video clearly lampooning Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton and the Olsen twins, it didn't translate into the massive hit. Releasing the song was the start of her very public political side. Lyrics like "What happened to the dream of a girl president/she's dancing in the video next to 50 Cent" are hard hitting and bold.

She followed that single with a slow rising track "Who Knew" - a powerful ballad co-written with Martin and Luke. Exploring the themes of a lover who leaves after promising to never go was more universal than the bratty woman-child of her previous albums. The song never fully explains the reason for leaving, the video suggests drug use caused a rift but it could be interpreted as a lover dying. "If someone said three years from now/you'd be long gone/I'd stand up and punch that mouth/'cuz they're all wrong/I know better/'cuz you said forever/who knew" is a powerful lyric that resonates with so many.

She also showcased her political side with a protest song "Dear Mr. President" - an open letter to an already vastly unpopular president. She takes him to task on his views on gay rights and a lack of compassion for the poor.

While Pink was racking up hit singles with Max Martin's catchy pop formula's, Kelly Clarkson was riding high on her ASCAP win for Songwriter Of The Year. Ignore her label head, legend Clive Davis, she wanted to co-write all the songs for her next album. The result was 2007's commercial flop My December.

The difference between between her hits with Martin and Luke songwriting team and her own compositions was minimal at first glance. Her songs were angry pop/rock in some places, while others were slow burning ballads. The whole album was a unified artistic statement, a story of a young woman burned yet again by love. From the sweeping sadness of "Sober" - "three months and I'm still breathing/been a long road since those hands I left my tears in" to the bitter ex of "Never Again" - "I hope the ring you gave her turns her finger green/I would never wish bad things but I don't wish you well" to the most heartbreaking moment of her career.

"Irvine" was written while burnt out and exhausted, after trying to remove people from her life that were bringing her down. It's a prayer born out of pain, it's almost suicidal. Yes, American Idol's original sweetheart asks God "Can you feel how cold I am? Do you cry like I do? Are you lonely up there by yourself? Like I have felt all my life?" and "Are you there watching me/As I lie here on this floor? Do you cry with me/cry with me tonight?" It's heart breaking and beautiful.

While the album failed to create the singles and sales that Breakaway did, it's vastly more personal. Both Kelly and Pink have continued to work with Max Martin and Dr Luke (as have other hit making chicas like Avril Lavigne, The Veronicas and Katy Perry) and they have created some major hits. But the difference between those hits and the hits of Carole King or Joni Mitchell is that they aren't always their own words, their own stories. In the pop world it is hard to sell your own voice, but it's how you make that connection.

Post Script: Kelly Clarkson worked with a new songwriting giant Ryan Tedder on a track for her All I Ever Wanted called "Already Gone" It is great example of how a singer/songwriter can be paired with a songwriting producer and create a masterpiece. If only Tedder hadn't used a similar track for a Beyonce single a few months later. Lyrically, Kelly explores the pain of breaking up with someone who loves you but you know you are not able to love back in the right way. It's something that I know about, and something people I know have really related to.

Pink released her Greatest Hits... So Far!! with new singles written with Max Martin and his newest collaborator Shellback. Both "Raise Your Glass" and "Fuckin' Perfect" shows the political Pink, finding her siding once again with the underdogs and bullied of the world. Collaboration can create fine music.

These are the songs that make Kelly and Pink Girls Like Us:

"Irvine" (from Kelly's My December)


"Who Knew" (from Pink's I'm Not Dead)


"Already Gone" (from Kelly's All I Ever Wanted)


"Fuckin' Perfect" [uncensored version] (from Pink's Greatest Hits... So Far!!)

Pink - Fuckin Perfect - Official Music Video found on Pop

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Girls Like Us: Kelly Clarkson, P!nk & the Max Martin Factor (Pt 1)

In many ways, I've felt like Kelly Clarkson sings my life. Just like Taylor Swift yesterday, Kelly Clarkson has sung so many songs that tell my story and tell the story of so many young women and men. That could make her one of the Girls Like Us. I also would posit that Pink could make the same claim.

Kelly made a splashy entrance into the pop world with her win on the inaugural season of rating juggernaut American Idol in 2002. Her debut album was the usual pop fare, with 16 producer credits and 26 writers (including Clarkson herself on 4 tracks.) It produced a couple of decent singles, including the smash "Miss Independent" which was originally written with Christina Aguilera in mind. While the result was pleasant pop/rock music with r&b undertones the only saving grace was Kelly amazing voice.

In a similar vein Pink released her debut album Can't Take Me Home in 2000. Like Kelly's debut, the album had a strong theme but didn't seem connected to the artist in any way. With 8 producers and one song alone boasting 9 writers, it was a standard pop release with very little artistic aim. One way Pink did put her stamp on it was with her brash attitude, which would remain a recurring theme on her later releases.

In 2001 Pink released her sophomore disc M!ssundaztood. This time the young pop star took more control, contacting Linda Perry of 4 Non-Blondes out of the blue to ask her to produce some songs. The album had a blend of pop, rock and r&b influences but seemed to be the work of one artist. Pink's attitude bloomed fully, with angry tracks like "Don't Let Me Get Me" and "Just Like A Pill" showing a self-destructive side that would resonate with an increasingly angry young America. Pink also showed the vulnerable side that would underscore the basis for such anger, with the tender ballad "Family Portrait" about the aftermath of her parent's divorce.

Pink would go all the way around the bend to rock on the lead single for her third commercially disastrous album Try This. "Trouble" has the singer in full bad-ass mode, but it's somewhat noticeable that her heart wasn't in it. Follow up single "God Is A DJ" is more fun, but the personal side of Pink wasn't carried over from the prior release.

Meanwhile, Kelly Clarkson headed to Sweden to record a song written for her by pop masterminds Max Martin and Dr. Luke. Kelly had hoped to expand her songwriting skills on her sophomore album, but "Since U Been Gone" was non-negotiable. Despite the fact she didn't write the song, it will forever be her defining hit. She sings the angry rock song like she means it, which puts her in a league of master song-interpreters.

She did get to put her songwriting skills to the test for Breakaway, though. She co-wrote the single "Behind These Hazel Eyes" with Martin and Luke, resulting in a blistering attack song that shows the fury of a woman scorned. She slowed it down for the most personal song of her career, "Because Of You" The ballad relays the pain that resulted from her parents divorce and her strained relationship with her mother when she was 16. It's one of the songs that resonates most with me, and I would imagine with anyone who has felt leaned on too much by a parent.

"Because Of You" would net Clarkson an ASCAP award for songwriter of the year and would be remade by Clarkson and country legend Reba as a duet.

Pink's star rises again, Kelly's falters: tomorrow in Part 2.

These are the songs that make Pink and Kelly Girls Like Us:
"Family Portrait" (from Pink's M!ssundaztood)


"Don't Let Me Get Me" (from Pink's M!ssundaztood)


"Because Of You" (from Kelly's Breakaway)


"Behind These Hazel Eyes" (from Kelly's Breakaway)

Monday, February 14, 2011

Girls Like Us: Taylor Swift

Anyone who knows me knew that Taylor Swift was going to be one my modern day Girls Like Us. Despite being just 21, Taylor has been telling the stories of every young woman's life.

Bursting onto the country scene in 2006 with an debut album co-written by Swift with Lisa Rose. The album featured plenty of songs about young loves won and lost. Her first single, despite being named after country superstar Tim McGraw, is a universal tale of music transporting people back to place of romance.

But it was the follow up single, "Teardrops On My Guitar" that really took her onto the mainstream radar. A tragic tale of unrequited love, "Teardrops" tells the story of Taylor's crush on Drew. What could have been sappy and immature was instead, once again, universal and heart wrenching. Even as a 24-year-old man I knew exactly what she was talking about. "He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right. I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night." Who among us hasn't felt the sting of nonreciprocated emotion and knows that place Taylor is coming from.

Of Sheila Weller's Girls Like Us, Taylor reminds me most of Carly Simon. Not just because she has dated a series of Hollywood hotties like Taylor Lautner, Jake Gyllenhal and Joe Jonas, but because she's not afraid to use her back story to create art. When her heart is broken, she writes angry songs like "Should've Said No" and "Forever And Always" or sad ones like "You're Not Sorry." When she's in love, beautiful emotion rolls off songs like "Love Story" and "Our Song." When she's secretly crushing, songs like "Teardrops" or "You Belong With Me" she speaks the same language as the rest of us - hurt, disbelief, hope and fear.

But even though she is so young, songs like "Back To December" show a mature woman realizing the mistakes she's made in a relationship, "White Horse" has her rejecting old stirrings brought on by a careless ex-lover in a startling grownup way and "Fifteen" finds Taylor counseling a young person to anticipate that things are not always what they seem in your youth - "in your life you'll do greater things than dating the boy on the football team, I didn't know it at fifteen."

I've said it before somewhat facetiously, but I actually mean it. Taylor Swift sings our lives. Like Loretta Lynn or Dolly Parton before, Taylor embodies what country music can do greatly - tell true stories about real life that we all know.

These are the songs of a Girl Like Us:
"White Horse" (from Fearless)


"Teardrops On My Guitar" (from Taylor Swift)


"Back To December" (from Speak Now)

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Where Are Today's Girls Like Us?


I recently finished reading Sheila Weller's 2008 triple biography Girls Like Us. Subtitled "Carole King, Joni Mitchell, Carly Simon and the Journey of a Generation" the book recounts in detail the turbulent life, times and interactions of three of the most influential female singer-songwriters of the 1970s. These women are the stuff of legends.

Carly is the poor little rich girl whose sensuality and free-spirited attitude buoyed her and colored her musical legacy of songs both intimate and emotive. The storied life that led her to blast her famous lovers in "You're So Vain" and weep for the costs of modern romance on "We Have No Secrets" leads her to a marriage to junkie James Taylor and a tour and duet intended to salvage their relationship.

Meanwhile Joni is still reeling from giving her illegitimate daughter up for adoption and channels that hurt, pain and confusion into deeply personal lyrics. The steely strength she develops causes deep rifts with each man that enters her life, but created masterpieces of music.

And Carole is a young mother forced into an early marriage to avoid scandal. Writing the melodies and her husband writing the lyrics, they created some of the greatest pop songs in history. As if inspiring and co-creating "Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow" wasn't enough, she went on the record one of the classic LPs of all time, Tapestry.

The three ladies connected with a primarily female audience, telling their stories through song and giving a voice to the strong wellspring of emotion in a woman. That is the key to their success, they weren't parroting the words of a male-written song while a man drove their sound, look and career. That allowed them to connect, to become Girls Like Us.

These women inspired their peers and women to come with the talent and drive required to thrive in a male dominated industry. They paved the way for social changes in the music industry, but that door remains merely cracked open and is need of being blown off the hinges.

Women in pop music are sold as sex objects as much as musicians. Taking control one's sexuality is one of the central premises of Girls Like Us. However, the fact that, of the women that appeared on VH1's Top 100 Artists of All Time list (including Joni), their looks are just as discussed as their talent is sad and telling. And while some women have taken the reins on the production end of their songs and albums, it is rare for a women to produce (i.e. boss around) male artists.

Who is taking the reins now? All this week on Pictures And Conversations we are gonna look at the Girls Like Us 2011, the female artists who are telling the story of the women of today and the future.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Nicki Minaj's Fairy Tale Come True...

Nicki Minaj plays the king of her own fairy tale in her new video for "Moment 4 Life" Nicki's solo videos have been sleek, brightly colored affairs with thin but pretty plots. Her samurai warrior in "Your Love" and the angry girlfriend in "Right Thru Me" showed the soft side of Nicki but "Moment 4 Life" allows Nicki to play both her girly Barbie role and that of her Fairy Godmother.
It's a delight. Watch:

Monday, January 24, 2011

Ke$ha + Andre 3000 + A Beat So Fat Gonna Make Me Come... Over To Your Place = Rediculously Awesome

K-Dolla's latest EP Cannibal is pretty much an extension of her trashy debut. But possible second single "Sleazy" has a really hard beat and finds Ke$ha rapping. It's fine as-is, but once you add Andre 3000's verse it's really hardcore hotness. Listen:

Sunday, January 23, 2011

The Greatest Britney Spears Covers!


While we're waiting around for Britney to finish the new video for "Hold It Against Me" (and release the second single from her upcoming album) let's enjoy some hot covers of her greatest hits, mkay?

Lily Allen - "Womanizer"


All-American Rejects - "Womanizer"


Yael Naim - "Toxic"


Marty Casey - "...Baby, One More Time"


Boyce Avenue - "Circus/Just Dance"

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Trashy Thursdays: Daniel Bedingfield - "If You're Not The One"

Trashy Thursdays will be happening every Thursday and will feature the trashy pop songs I kinda love. Don't get it twisted, I think pop music is an art form. But like all art, there are brilliant artistic works that are fresh and dynamic and new as well as less inspired pieces of art. Sometimes those less inspired bits are as much fun as the "good" stuff, that's why we're getting trashy!

Remember the days when Natasha Bedingfield was "Daniel's little sister"? Now the tables have flipped and Natasha has had more hits in the US than her brother. But those heady days in 2003 when he was a sexy little Brit-popper with a lovely falsetto and a ballad so earnest it goes right past cheesy, past trashy and right into amazing. "If You're Not The One" pulls all the right heartstrings, is there any lyric more inspirational/stalkery than "and I pray you're the one I build my home with"?

He wants you to be the one he dies with! Gah, it's so cute I wanna vomit up tears. Or get a restraining order.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

How Do You Burlesque?


I finally got around to seeing the much-discussed movie musical Burlesque the other afternoon. The film is a delightful romp, if you don't look too close at the weak and overplayed plot.

Christina Aguilera is perfectly serviceable as Ali, a young girl from Ohio who drops her job as a waitress and buys a ticket to LA to find fame and fortune. It's a tale as old as film, but director Steve Antin does manage to obscure the frequently used plot under a layer of glitz and feathers. When Ali doesn't find a singing job during her first day in LA, she is intrigued by a glimpse of dancer Coco lounging on a balcony outside Cher's club.

The plot goes into overdrive, Ali forces her way into a waitress job and then her rented room is burglarized, leading her to stay with the bartender. When she realizes he isn't gay, a flirtatious friendship emerges. She lucks into an audition for a dancing position, then a singing job and a romance with Grey's Anatomy's Eric Dane. Dane's Marcus wants to buy out the club, but Cher isn't selling. Even as her ex-husband and business partner (played Peter Gallager's Eyebrows) tries to talk her into it, because (plot point!) the business isn't making any money.

In the end, Cher [SPOILER ALERT] doesn't have to sell the Burlesque club and Christina is a stripping/dancing/singing triple threat and Stanley Tucci is funny as hell. So all is well, but the real reason to see Burlesque is for the amazing musical numbers. Cher and Christina each have a show stopping ballad and there are several jazzy stripteases. Plus, Cam Gigandent's naked with just a box of Famous Amos covering his cookies.