I was never much a TV watcher as a young person. We didn't have cable, so our main exposure to TV was Sesame Street, then taped episodes of Touched By An Angel and Christy (starring Kellie Martin as a turn of the century school marm in Appalachia and Tyne Daly as her Quaker mentor) that my grandmother would send us.
As an adult I was mostly interested in music television, watching VH1, CMT and MTV2 until all hours of the night to learn about new bands, watch countdown lists to learn what was considered "the best" and catching videos that I had always been told were filthy only to learn they weren't that bad. Over time I became obsessed with dramas like Joan of Arcadia, Lost (though I still haven't seen the last season) and Ugly Betty and reality competition like American Idol, Project Runway and Top Chef. But there was only a brief period where TV really ruled my schedule. Now, with the exception of American Idol, I no longer have a "must see show." But I love to laugh, and even if I've seen the show before, or haven't seen the show but know exactly where the joke is going, I will flip on really awful sitcoms just as much as the high brow stuff. Yes, Arrested Development was quite funny, as are smart britcoms like Little Britain and Coupling but I don't need groundbreaking stuff to elicit a chuckle. Hell, a plausible plot isn't even necessary.
Just look at my love for kiddie coms like Wizards Of Waverly Place or iCarly. One features a family of wizards, the other a group of high schoolers with a webshow that apparently generates enough dough to pay for a pretty nice apartment.
But Disney Channel's breakout Wizards actress Selena Gomez has ridiculous comic timing, as does her hot on screen brother David Henrie. The scripts are ludicrous, with vampires, mummies and angels randomly showing up to break hearts or wreak havoc. Selena's character Alex is delightful slacker who refuses to study her magic classes, leaving her always screwing up spells while cracking wise. Silly, I know, but it makes me laugh.
Mean on Nickelodeon, iCarly is even more ridiculous. Miranda Cosgrove's Carly frequently plays straight man to Jeannette McCurdy's badass prankster Sam. Carly lives with her older brother, a starving artist type that acts even younger than high school aged Carly. The webshow that Carly, Sam and friend/camera man Freddie produce is, thankfully, very briefly shown. It look obnoxious, but the situations the gang get into while going to school and producing the show are light and fluffy fun. Recurring gags like Sam's love of food and secret crush on her frienemy Freddie keep it interesting and silly. It makes me laugh.
But even adult sitcoms, like TvLand's current pair on Wednesday nights Hot In Cleveland and Happily Divorced, are not exactly high brow entertainment. I know Betty White nabbed an Emmy nom for Hot, but she's basically playing Rue McClannahan's part on Golden Girls while Valerie Bertinelli, Janes Leeves and Wendie Malick try for smalltown Sex & The City types. Not exactly fresh stuff, but it makes me laugh.
Fran Drescher pulls from real life in her new sitcom, Happily Divorced. After her hubby and producing partner came out as a gay man, the two created a sitcom based on the situation. While that could have lead into some fascinating insight into the real stories of late in life comings out, Happily Divorced never met a cliche it didn't love. And last weeks episode was very ham fisted in it's look at under-the-surface homophobia. But still, it makes me laugh.
Finally, Keeping Up With The Kardashians may not be a sitcom but that doesn't keep it from being as scripted as the rest of these shows. And it provides just as many laughs. From meddling mom Kris to the sisterly infighting to longsuffering hubby Bruce, these broadly played characters and scenarios are pulled from the sitcom handbook, right down to the Full House-y family hugs that end most episodes. What have we learned from this very special episode? It makes me laugh.
None of these shows are blowing me away with their new insights on humanity but, as I reiterated, they make me laugh. I don't have to follow the plot carefully, I can miss a couple episodes or even a few scenes in an episode whilst I flip over to Food Network and still get the gist and walk away chuckling. That's all I ask of my comedy. If I can get Noel Coward, Dorothy Parker or Jane Austen, I'll take it. But there's nothing wrong with an ABC Family original like Melissa & Joey or State Of Georgia, either. After all, it makes me laugh.
Ok, children. American Idol has returned to my heart. I'm watching. I'm recapping. You betta read, covergurls.
So, Lauren Alaina is a country girl at heart and she loves Shania Twain. I also love Shania Twain but cannot for the life of me figure out why people keep doing "Any Man Of Mine" Why can't they do "Party For Two"? Any way, the singing was a little kareoke and even shouty at parts. But she's really spunky. Unlike Mary Tyler Moore's boss, I like spunk.
Next up is the man with the magic beard - Casey Abrams. His idol is Joe Cocker, and he is singing "A Little Help From My Friends." The song does nothing for me, but his vocals are gritty and growly and kinda cool.
Ashton Jones has the Diana Ross hair going on, so it's not surprising she picks the Supreme singer as her fave. But her vocals were a little shrill, I'm not sure she should have gone so high. And J.Lo's not the only one that didn't know this song, I only know it from when the Idols did a charity recording of it in Carrie Underwood's season.
J.Lo also hadn't heard of Ryan Adams. I think most of America will be hearing his songs for the first time via Paul McDonald. I only know his song "Stars Go Blue" - as covered by Tim McGraw (and The Corrs) but this one has a nice alt country vibe and his vocals go well in that sound. His jacket is very Coldplay, and his moves are very Chris Martin via Thom Yorke.
Pia Toscano has THE VOICE! She sounds very much like her Idol Celine. She done sang "All By Myself" but I don't get anything from her besides vocal gymnastics. Which is all good for now, but I need more as the weeks go by.
James Durbin loves wearing his chains. And Paul McCartney. His vocals are off the chain, though. His restrain barely holds together, which is very rock n roll. His voice just wants to bust out!
A LeeAnn Rimes fan, Haley Reinhart is singing "Blue" and while she has a pretty voice, it isn't up to the challenge of that yodelly song.
Jacob Lusk loves R. Kelly, I hope he's not also a fan of alleged pederasty and water sports. And Holy Fuddruckers, that run at the end of "I Believe I Can Fly" was off the hook! So full of vocal energy and craziness.
I think Thia Megia is such a little cutie, but I concur with the judges that she was better on the first half of the song. I really want to hear more from her!
I thought Stefano Langone's "Lately" was subpar. He seemed out of his league in parts. He's cute, though, and he managed to make it work towards the end.
Oh, Karen Rodriguez! I wanted her to be awesome doing her idol Selena's "I Could Fall In Love" and she wasn't. Her vocals couldn't handle the lower notes, and even the higher ones seemed shaky. But I have a feeling she will have a strong Latino voting bloc and will stick around for a while yet.
ScottyMcCreary sang Garth Brooks. Nothing about that shocks me. He does what he does well, but it's not for me.
NiamaAdedapo is completely unique. Her reggae/rap breakdown in the middle of "Umbrella" brought fresh fire to a song that has become part of the American Songbook. I can't wait to hear what she does next, after a fast jazz take on "Summertime" last week she's the only one I look forward to. Also, she looks like Boy George. Which is to say: AWESOME!
Last week, my VCR went crazy and only taped part of Idol's second night of the top 24. Which was fine, because the recap at the end looked like the boys all sucked. So I was not sad to miss it! But this week I watched the boys improve marginally. Did they improve enough to not be boring as hell?
Super buff Michael Lynch opened the show with a stellar take on James Brown's "It's A Man's World." He has a great voice, he just looks so strange up on stage.
John Park brought his decent voice to John Mayer's "Gravity" - one of the most boring songs in the Mayer catalog. John made it even more boring. Kinda hate him.
Oh, Casey James. The girls love you, I have no idea why. You're cute and all, but not that cute. You need a hair cute and smack across the face to lose that stupid perma-grin. And you sang "I Don't Want To Be" with really shitty vocals, there wasn't enough power behind the tone and it sounded like you were swallowing your words. The guitar work was hammy at best. BOO!
OK, mullets? Really, American Idol? Mullets? Alex Lambert almost makes up for his awful hairstyle by singing "Everybody Knows" with a really interesting vocal tone. He sings really well, and even though the song wasn't that exciting, I remembered it and I liked it.
Todrick Hall was the guy who sang Kelly Clarkson last week and this week he's doing "What's Love Got To Do With It?" Yeah, he's gay. He attempts a new arrangement of the Tina classic, but it was strange and lost the melody. I'm all for changing up songs, but you should keep the good parts! I couldn't tell if his vocals were any good, because I couldn't tell if he was in tune.
I do love "What's Going On?" and I loved Jermaine Sellers' fashion sense. Why didn't I love his version of Marvin Gaye's classic pop song? He added way too much extra stuff to the song. Again, I like when people make a song their own, but you have to pick the right song to do that too.
Andrew Garcia did Fall Out Boy last week, in a really boring acoustic style. This week he did a really boring song, James Morrison's "You Give Me Something" and didn't change the song at all. Does he think his neck tattoo is exciting enough he doesn't need to sing? He should've tried "Broken Strings" instead.
Oh, classic Idol karaoke! Aaron Kelley, cute as a sixteen-year-old button, singing "My Girl" like a pageant princess. It takes me back to the early days, when Paula was the crazy one and Mariah Carey was God. He sang it well, but who cares about Temptations covers these days?
I agree with the first three judges, Tim Urban has somethings going on but doesn't have the whole package. "Get Higher" is a amazing song, and he can't sing it. Done deal. He's cute as hell, looks like he's gonna just blow us away with teen-pop charm. But he can't sing! Sad.
I must say, Lee Dewyze is also very cute. He has a great voice, great tone. But he needs to enunciate better, and not pick HORRIBLE HINDER SONGS! OMG, you thought I wasn't gonna go there this time, right? Not possible. I despise Hinder, and "Lips Of An Angel" (with it's whining infidelity tale and idiotic chorus) is the worst song ever. EVER! Try better songs next time, sexy.
I am still thinking the boys suck. They suck less than last time, but they still suck. Don't care who goes home, honestly. Can't we have an all girl top twelve? Pwease?
I have to admit something. I was going to pretend missing all the audition and Hollywood episodes was a calculated decision, intended to give me a fresh perspective on the top 24 without knowing the back stories or what ten second clip we saw of them singing a Stevie Wonder song. But I will come clean. I've been busy with church, gym and my sexykins and Idol wasn't a priority.
I KNOW, RIGHT? What the fuck was I thinking, that I could walk away from Simon and Ryan's gay-baiting and the melisma of 17-year-olds who think Mariah Carey invented music? Pshaw! I live for this shit. So I'm back in the game, babies!
The first hot mass to step onto the little stage is Paige Miles, a 24-year-old teacher with a thing for loose-knit berets. So sad. Apparently Simon thinks she has one of the best voices, not that anyone could tell after she sang the non-song "All Right Now." Seriously, a four-year-old boy could do a duet with his house cat and sound pretty good doing this song. Why waste what seems to be a decent voice on such a non-entity?
At least she didn't attempt Leona Lewis, like Ashley Rodriguez did. "Happy" isn't quite a forbidden song like "Bleeding Love" would be, but poor Ashley couldn't hold the tune any better than she could hold her mic. She had it way too close to her face, and every breathe just puffed out of my speakers. At least it saved me from hearing one of Leona's minor singles turned into mush.
Ooh, I do love me some Heart. I love me some Shania Twain. Shania loves her some Janell Wheeler, so I expected it to be a love quadrangle. Not so much. When Janell started the verse, I thought her slight accent would give "What About Love" a country ballad sound. Instead, she couldn't power through the chorus and gave a weak karaoke vocal.
OK, I'm all about this influx of British soulful singer-songwriters that have been popping up in the US, so I was really feeling Lilly Scott's performance. Randy hit the nail on the head (for once) - Lilly isn't just copping a Duffy vibe, she seems the genuine article. And covering an obscure Beatles song with her warm and unique vocal, guitar in hand, was a great intro for the Colorado singer.
Katelynn Epperly brought a 50s rock vibe to the stage with her song, but her look was a bit 80s. And while her vocals were powerful, her song seemed really boring as it went on. I hope to see a different side of her soon, she seems like she could grow on me.
Young Haeley Vaughn looked like a Disney girl with her perma-smile glued to her face while singing "I Wanna Hold Your Hand." She didn't sound any better, her vocals lacked any spice or verve.
Apparently I'm in the minority on Lacey Brown, the judges majorly disliked her unique vocals coloring Fleetwood Mac's "Landslide." I thought she showed a lot of control, vocally, and reminded me of Cyndi Lauper.
Michelle Delamore's version of "Fallin'" was a very professional, almost perfect, cover. But there was no uniqueness or risk involved, it sounded perfectly pleasant but nothing exciting.
Didi Benami pulled Ingrid Michealson's pretty yet quiet Old Navy commercial "The Way I Am" onto the stage and put the crowd to sleep. I love some Ingrid, but there is no way to make that song a showpiece. Plus, her last name sounds like a certain gay porn site. (NSFW) FAIL.
I like Siobhan Magnus. I just do. Her voice is spooky and has a delicious dark edge to it. "Wicked Game" was a perfect song to showcase it, despite the judges creaming their collective trousers over some Stevie Wonder song she tackled before. I don't want to fall in love, either, but Siobhan has me over a barrel.
I hate harmonicas. I have always hated harmonicas, that is why I hate Stevie Wonder's appearances at any awards shows. Crystal Bowersox almost made me forget that. She played both the mouth harp and guitar while covering Alanis and I kinda dug it. Even though Crystal seemed to be very anti-Idol, she fits into that faux-rebel thing that Idol loves.
Closing the show was 17-year-old Katie Steves doing the jazz standard that has landed on the Idol stage so many times before. "Feelin' Good" should be retired, but every young pup trying to sound timeless drags the old chestnut out. It's a great song, but once Nina Simone, Micheal Buble, Muse and the Pussycat Dolls have sung it, it's time to give it up. Great vocals, old-fashioned performance. Her brother's cute, though.
I've been lax in updating of late, due to a combo platter of writer's block and personal commitments leaving very little free time for blogging. So, of course, when I can't think what to write I waste time with a variety of shenagagins like Facebook, Twilight and this crazy new talk show on MTV.
It's On with Alexa Chung is a funny hour-long show that airs at noon on MTV. It has lighthearted interveiws and musical guests (like Ellen) as well as a daily segment called "What's Happening" in which Alexa and a comedian discuss celeb happenings and YouTube videos, (ala Chelsea Lately) as well as occasional segment on fashion or websites (not unlike a morning talk show like The Veiw)
Host Alexa Chung is a former model and a popular UK TV personality. She has a very quirky sense of style, with a mix of rocker tees, short shorts, crazy shoes and unusual accesories. Her dry British humor is perfect for me, peppered with a lot of sarcasm. She's cute and funny and young, something missing from the current crop of talk shows.
The guests are a mostly young mix, the stars of the Twilight and Harry Potter films and Disney Channel shows as well as American Idol winner Kris Allen and people like that. Musical guests are often indie rock bands, as well as a few newer pop stars like 3OH!3. It's a good mix, and Alexa's interveiw style is usually very conversational, with a few games thrown in.
It's a great deal of fun, and I'm hoping It's On stays on.
Last night, Randy Jackson's other fame game America's Best Dance Crew made it's season four debut. This season promises more variety than ever, with b-boys from Seattle and a "hick-hop" crew that mixes line dancing with hip-hop moves.
But of course, I zoned in on the feirceness like a gay bumblebee to a orchid in a vintage Chinese vase. NYC's Vogue Evolution have been competing in the underground balls for a while, and are used to the heightened competition in that world. And the first all gay and transgendered crew in ABDC's history brought the fi-ya! The five-piece ensemble did all kinds of dramatic moves I didn't know existed. Lil' Mama was all about it, she's hosting her own ball and seemed quite up on the culture. I'm kinda jazzed for this new season. Represent!
Watch the full episode here, skip to segment six for Vogue Evolution.
It's been rumored for weeks and now Paula Abdul confirms via Twitter that she will not return to American Idol as a judge this coming season. Paula has been a judge on the TV phenomenon for the past eight seasons.
Paula has been the butt of jokes for the bulk of her tenure on Idol, although I found her comments this past season or two far more insightful than before. Between her and new judge Kara DioGuardi, it was nice to hear opinions that weren't couched in smarmy self-importance (Simon) or nonsensical collections of "dawg" and "for me, for you" (Randy.) I actually hoped Randy was the judge to leave, if they trimmed the panel back to three, but I didn't really expect that.
I like Paula. She's the sensitive judge, the one who knows what it feels like to be in the spotlight on a stage and perform for a large crowd. Randy has some experience, but only briefly as a bassist in Journey. She brought a unique perspective, even if it sometimes didn't make a whole lot of sense. I don't know how the new season will feel without Paula. And I hope it really was unanimous, that the show didn't force her off.
Here's the thing. I don't watch American Idol for the judges, and I'd be happy if the show forced them (through some kind of cut-off buzzer or something) to keep the comments to 30 seconds or less. I watch the show for the new crop of talent. I watch for the David Cooks and Adam Lamberts of the show, not the judges or host. I understand I may be in the minority on that, but as long as talented young people are singing and playing guitar and whatnot I will still be watching the show no matter who the judges are. But it will be different with out a crazy former pop star on the panel.
For Diva Week at Pictures & Conversations we will look at 4 modern gay icons as well a special look at the diva I've idealized and followed (and not really fully realized until I read My Diva) since childhood. And no, you won't find out who that is until Friday. Yes, I'm a tease... For Day Three, we take a look at the always hilarious Chelsea Handler.
I first discovered the crazy half-Jewish/half-Mormon/all-ballsy Miss Chelsea through a clip show of TV pranks on VH1. It was from the Oxygen show Girls Behaving Badly, and she sat a bar getting drinks and bumming cigarettes from the guys there before revealing a pregnant belly. It was funny, but I didn't know how funny this girl could be.
I later caught her comedy sketch show on E! before buying her hilarious book My Horizontal Life: A Collection Of One Night Stands. The candid, hilarious and extremely NSFW book features tales of sex, drugs, sex while on drugs, sex while drunk, sex with male strippers, her roommate not having sex and trying to have sex with a gay OB/GYN. It's even more funny than it sounds.
It was about the same time I was reading My Horizontal Life that E! gave Chelsea her own talk show. Her "little nugget Chuy," a fixture on The Chelsea Handler Show joined her on Chelsea Lately in a Gelman-type role. While her sketches (like "Dr. Lately") can sometimes fall flat, I love her devil-may-care interview style. Like her infamous comment to Aubrey O'Day ("You're a lot less stupid than I thought you were gonna be") or the brilliantly awkward conversation between her pickup-savvy self and The Pickup Artist's Mystery:
The best part of the show is usually the Round Table, where she and three guests discuss the pop culture news stories of the day, a style copied by the also funny It's On With Alexa Chung. She always has something funny to say and is not afraid to call out a guest comedian when they are unfunny.
Of course, her love for the gays is one of my favorite things about Chelsea Handler. She made a hilarious anti-Prop 8 video and has always been vocal about her support for the gays who have helped make her books and TV shows such a success. I think she loves her gays at least as much as she loves vodka and fat babies. Which is to say: A LOT!
British retro-soul/pop songbird Adele marks the return of MTV'sUnplugged series today on MTV.com. Clips will air during MTV's morning block of videos, but the show itself is only available at the website and On Demand.
Adele is perfect choice to reopen the seminal 1990s program that revived Eric Clapton's career and cemented Nirvana's status as rock icons. Her smoky vocals hold so much power, songs like "Hometown Glory" and her Grammy-nominated single "Chasing Pavements" sound even better than the originals. I fear Katy Perry might not fare as well in her upcoming episode, her live vocals often feel strained. But she may surprise us, that's the beauty of Unplugged.
I am loving Adele, and while my knowledge of Silversun Pickups is limited I think they may be awesome. But it's time for me and my readers to play casting directors and pick the artists that need to show up on the new Unplugged stage.
Kelly Clarkson - As soon as I heard MTV Unplugged was returning I thought: "Kelly needs to do this." Can you imagine an acoustic play list of "Since U Been Gone", "Because Of You", "Irvine", "The Trouble With Love Is", "I Do Not Hook Up" and a cover, maybe "Piece Of My Heart"? I can, and I am creaming my panties at the thought.
Destiny's Child - The girls would so bring the house down with an all acoustic reunion. I would die to hear "Survivor" or "Lose My Breath" given new spins as acoustic soul, and I think the trio still has desire to work together again.
Fall Out Boy - The group is in desperate need of revival after the marketing disaster surrounding the latest release, Folie A Duex. And while Patrick's vocals may not be the prettiest thing, slowed down and revised versions of singles "Dance, Dance" and "This Ain't A Scene" and album tracks like "The (After) Life Of Party" would shed light on the clever and emotional lyrics.
What about y'all? Who should show up on MTV Unplugged to rock out, acoustically? Fantasy casts are always allowed, if we could bring Mama Cass back for one more performance of "Make Your Own Kind Of Music" I think we all would...
OK, after Adam was pretty much the crowned winner of Idol all season long by a salivating Paula we all assumed Glambert was a shoo-in to win.
But! YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU ASSUME? It makes an ass out of me and u.
The point is, hot Christian husband and missionary Kris Allen won the whole shooting match. Which I am happy about, because no matter who won tonight I knew a truly awesome, kind and talented young man was going to win a million dollar album deal and another awesome, kind and talented young man would come in second and get a deal anyway. Adam and Kris both rocked the house, both did their own thing and both made me a little warm... down there.
So congrats, kiddo. Kris, man, you deserved it. For "Heartless" for "Ain't No Sunshine" for "Falling Slowly" and for "She Works Hard For The Money" - you are a true treasure. Thank you for being keeping the Blake/Cook/Brooke fires burning. And thank you, Adam, for doing the same thing. Only you looked better in the KISS boots.
Hello Idol People! I had to go into work today, so my recap is gonna be short and sweet. Plus, if you read my live-blog last night you already know what went down.
Adam opened the show with a reprise of his best performance, the Tears For Fears song "Mad World" In keeping with his theatre goth style, his entrance was pure FIRE! Rising from behind the steps, backlit and surrounded by fog AND wearing a fly trench coat, Adam wowed us again. His original version had his sitting on a chair, surrounded by fog, and he killed it then. But the entrance was the best ever.
Kris was a little less flashy, but a whole lot more soulful with his encore of "Ain't No Sunshine" from behind the piano. It was everything beautiful, the tone of his voice when it is wracked with emotion is so amazing. And I love the way he closes his eyes while he plays, it's really moving.
For Simon Fuller's pick, Adam sang the Sam Cooke classic "A Change Is Gonna Come." I don't know why he picked that song, it's not really in Adam's wheelhouse at all. But he did a good job and was a little less crazy. Which is OK, we need a breather every now and again.
Kris was a little less interesting with Fuller's pick, "What's Going On" sounded rather like a jam band. It was serviceable and a bit forgettable but played to Kris's strength as a rootsy, crunchy granola kinda laid back guy.
Adam + The Awful Idol Single = EEK! He tried to go crazy with his voice on it, but the melody didn't support that kind of range. Plus, the song (as usual) is pure Hannah Montana cast-off shit.
Kris = The Awful Idol Single = Kinda good? I know, how did that happen? Mostly because of the fact I felt like Kris was living the song, I felt like he could fight a hurricane or whatever that shit was. He made it believable, and that's hard.
So, winner? Who knows? The judges did a soft sell on Kris, which can mean bad news for the Conway boy. But he make pick up Danny fans, which could spell doom for my golden boy, Adam. I couldn't vote, they are both so amazing. I can't wait to hear more from both of them, as well as Allison, Alexis and Matt.
I just finished watching the most fabulous hour of network TV since Pushing Daisies was cancelled. If you watched TV, listened to the radio or visited MySpace in the last month, you probably heard that Nip/Tuck and Popular creator Ryan Murphy's new project Glee was premiering after American Idol tonight. But did you watch it? 'Cause you totally should have.
The plot involves Spanish teacher Will Schuester's leading of his Ohio school's Glee Club after the director is fired for sexual harassment. He butts heads with the coach of the cheer team (played by the fabulous Jane Lynch) and the rest of the sports cliches, and even finds himself at odds with his wife. He nearly quits, but is lured back by his passionate love of singing.
I'm not sure if I would call it an hour-long comedy or more of a dramedy, but it had moments both moving and funny. A lot of the characters are a bit broadly portrayed, but Broadway star Lea Michele's Rachel is a revelation. Fresh from winning a Drama Desk award for Spring Awakening, Michele brings a fresh joy to the screen as the overbearing former child prodigy and main diva of glee club. Cory Monteith is also a bright young talent, the two have amazing chemistry and pure joy on their faces as they perform the much hyped "Don't Stop Believin'" at the close of the pilot episode. He also shines in a speech to his football team mates after they call a wheelchair-bound glee member a loser.
It wasn't perfect - I found the closeted former director to be a bit campy, and Schuester's wife is almost unbelievably annoying. But Jayma Mays is delightful as Will's germaphobic coworker nursing a major crush on the married teacher, she has always brought such bubbly enthusiasm to the screen in roles on Ugly Betty and Heroes.
I would highly recommend this bright new series to anyone who loves music, teen comedy or Jane Lynch. Also, in case this doesn't sound gay enough, Josh Groban, the Chenoweth!!!! and Cheyenne Jackson guest star in upcoming episodes. The full series arrives in September, until then watch the pilot at Hulu or Fox.com. And you can download both "Don't Stop Believin'" (which owes a big debt to Petra Haden's cover from Guilt By Association) and a rival Glee club's version of Winehouse's "Rehab" at iTunes. Or just listen below:
Hello Idol heads! I was going to be using Twitter to live-blog tonight's Idol finale Part 1, you can still follow my tweeting at www.twitter.com/paulbos for all my Idol-licous comments, snark and fun. But my Twitter widget won't cooporate, so instead I'll be blogging during the commercial breaks whatever is good, bad and Paula-level crazy. Stay tuned to this post, and refresh after each break for new comments!
8:06PM - So far, so filler. Kara co-wrote the single, is it gonna be "I Do Not Hook Up" awesome? Or more "This Is My Now"? And the boys will be doing an encore of their favorite performance of the season, boring. But they look fine as hale, yo. I wanna be all up in that Idol sammich.
8:24PM - They were both so good, Adam's entrance was higher than "Feelin' Good" level, that smoke machine/riser/trench coat combo was hot. But Kris is so emotional, and "Ain't No Sunshine" was frakkin' flawless. Damn, I don't even know who to vote for this time!
8:34PM - Adam is no Same Cooke, that was a really dumb song choice from Simon Fuller. He was good, but he should have rearranged it, except he would have been bashed for that.
8:40PM - It was a little too jam band, and I agree with Simon. Too laid back, and surprisingly I liked Adam a lot more. I'm leaning towards Adam to get my votes, but we'll see if either can rock the Idol single...
8:50PM - Adam is a Broadway-trained actor/singer and not even he could make me believe this Miley Cyrus cast-off of a song. God, why do they have to perform such banal "inspircraptional" music?
9:16PM - Kris sold me on "No Boundaries" but I can't vote for either of them. It would be like picking a favorite kid. I can't do it, I love them both. Like a fat kid loves banana creme cake AND spice cake with cream cheese icing.
For those of you unaware, Fanfic is a genre of amateur writings focusing on established characters from TV, film, comics and other areas of pop culture. While writing sequels and variations on someone else's work is a tale as old as fiction, in the 1960s a boom of Star Trek related fanfic ushered the modern wave of sci-fi/fantasy and with the birth of the internet it's become more and more widespread, no longer resigned to mimeographed fan zines. A special branch of fanfic is slash fiction, fiction stories that focus on homosexual relationships between male characters. It can be downright pornographic, and even frighteningly disturbing -especially the Harry Potter slash fiction. While some still hold to the "gay only" rule, some latched onto the straight slash category.
I experimented with Narnia and Pilgrim's Progress fanfic when I was a kid without even knowing there was a name for it. A few years ago I attempted a real person slash fic about a famous acting/writing duo from Boston, and the one gentleman's girlfriend from the block. It was kind funny and really dirty. I'm pretty sure it was also anatomically impossible. It will never see the light of day, if I even still have it around.
Well, for Ten Days Of Idol Insanity I thought I'd try a real person slash fic, only a "no lemon" one because this blog would never go NSFW on y'all's asses. Also, for the record: THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION AND IS NOT AT ALL BASED ON FACT. NO HARM WAS MEANT BY THIS WORK OF FICTION AND IT WILL BE REMOVED UPON REQUEST. Please to enjoy:
Whole Lotta Love: A Danny/Adam SlashFic
Adam stepped gingerly out of the shower. With a deft motion, he grabbed a towel and tightly wrapped it around his lean waist. As he ran a comb through his hair, he inspected his face. Without the ever-present eye makeup and styled hair, he still had an otherworldly quality. His dark eyes were even more piercing without the liner.
As he walked the hallway back to his room, hoping Kris wasn't sleeping yet so they could chat about the day's performances, he heard a familiar sound coming from Danny's bedroom. He hadn't heard the sniffling and squelched noises of someone trying to hold back sobs in some time. Over the first few week it was a daily occurrence, but Adam assumed it had stopped for the time being.
Adam paused before he passed the door that hid the sobs. The first few times he heard Danny, he shrugged it off as more attention-grabbing theatrics from the grieving widower. Over the weeks Danny had become more human to him, even likable. He knew that behind the smug looks and self-satisfied clapping after each performance was a very lonely young man.
While he thought he understood Danny's emotional state, Adam was still reluctant to get involved. Would he understand that any attempt to be friendly was just a platonic move? Danny seemed uneasy around him ever since the first time he mentioned an ex-boyfriend, and what more could he expect from a church music director? Ever since then, Adam had avoided being alone with Danny, out of respect for his uneasiness as well as more self-preserving motives.
But Adam also understood the widower's heartache. He'd been through the wringer, love had done a number on his heart, too. And he wondered if Danny had felt a resurgence of painful emotions thanks to the tanking of his Aerosmith performance earlier that evening. "Poor Danny, I don't think he's ever sounded that bad," Allison had whispered to Adam during after their duet.
So he took a breath, repeated a brief mantra and knocked on the door. He could hear a soft "Come in" and Danny shifting on the sheets.
Adam pushed the door open. The room was dark but the light from the hall was enough to reveal red-rimmed eyes, no longer covered by dark-framed glasses. Adam hesitated. Why did I have to be a hero? I don't know what to say to him, he thought with a gulp. Too late, just say something.
"Are you OK?"
The words dropped into the air, sounding at once insincere and weak.
"I'm fine, just go put on some clothes."
"Oh, sorry. I was walking back from the shower and heard you... well... I heard something."
"I was crying. OK? Got a problem with men showing emotion?" Danny spat.
"Whoa, I didn't mean to offend. I just though you might need to talk about it. I understand more than you might think," Adam said. He attempted to hide the annoyance in his voice, Danny was hurting and embarrassed. Cut him some slack, Lambert.
"Yeah, maybe you would."
Danny motioned to empty bed across from where he was sitting. Adam tried to keep himself covered as he walked over to the spot. Damn, I wish I had put on some clothes before I dropped in on Joe Homophobe here.
"Danny, what's wrong? I mean, I could guess. But it always helps to say it out loud."
"Yeah, I'm sure you could guess. I tried to be everything you are tonight. I tried to be powerful and exciting and just tackle that song with gusto. I wanted that audience frenzy you get."
"But you do have the audience behind you..."
"Yeah, but you! Kara called you a rock god. I wanted, just for one moment to beat you at your own game. I guess maybe I can't," he sputtered as he flopped back onto the bed.
"Danny. Danny," Adam leaned forward and tapped the other man's knee, "sit up. Look at me. You may not be me, but I could never be you. You do have a gift. Every singer has their own special music, just embrace that."
"Yeah, I know. I just wish I still had..." he trailed off as tears welled up again.
"You miss her don't you?"
"Her? Yeah, I miss Sophia. I couldn't have become the man I am today without her. I loved her."
Adam looked at Danny. He was puzzled. He sounded like he was describing a teacher, or a favorite aunt. The tone in his voice didn't match the intense emotion that poured from his eyes.
"And I'm sure you wish your friend Jamar was here, he could do a better job comforting you right now," Adam said quietly.
"I miss him. I do. God, I had know idea how hard it would be. How do you survive without the man you... your best friend."
"Danny. Don't play games with me. You're in love with him, aren't you?"
"You're sick! Get out of my room. I'm not gay, I'm not like you! Leave!" Danny stood up and grabbed Adam by the arm.
"Don't grab me, I'll go. Just do one thing for me. Think back to the moments you've shared with Jamar, think back to the moments just now. You weren't crying about your song, or your wife or the stress of being here. You are crying because you can't imagine staying here any longer, without the man you have come to love. It's OK. I know exactly the kind of tears you are shedding." Adam gulp as Danny paused for a moment. "Just remember. Whether you go home tomorrow night as a top three member or get eliminated, you still get to go home. Go to him. Tell him what you are feeling. Don't be surprised, he may feel the same way."
A million emotions flashed on Danny's face. Anger, relief, sadness, fear and just briefly, genuine joy before a hard look came over his eyes.
"Get out."
Almost a week later, the three men returned from their fast paced trips home. Adam attempted to avoid Danny, but unpacking in the corner of his room he couldn't avoid the Milwaukee returnee.
"So, did you enjoy going home?" Adam said a smoothly as possible.
"Don't act like you didn't see it. It's all over the internet, the videos of me losing the words to 'Billie Jean'. It's all your fault, too."
"What, how?"
"You put the idea in my head. You, with your words. You distracted me from the goal, from the show. You made me think it was possible, to be happy. And I couldn't wait to see him." Once more, the tears poured out of his eyes. "It wasn't. He looked at me like I was sick. He said he loved me, but not like that. And he'll pray for me to get over it, my 'pain and loss that warped my mind.' Yeah, that's what he called it."
"I'm so sorry. I didn't know it would go so badly. I shouldn't have pushed you."
"It's OK. I feel free. I told the truth, and the truth will set you free. That's in the Bible."
"I know. I just wish truth didn't hurt so much on the way on the way to freedom. But you are so strong, Danny. You'll make it." He took Danny's hand in a firm squeeze.
"Thanks. I just wish I could see Sophia one more time, tell her I found love again. Tell her I'm gonna be OK."
Adam looked Danny right in the eye.
"You will be OK."
"I know."
Danny looked right back and pushed his lips against Adam's. Adam was taken aback but, after freezing for a split second, he kissed him back.
Fin
So kids, what'd ya think? Is the most awful piece of Idol-related trash since Taylor Hick's first single? Or did it make you cry? Or maybe laugh uproariously? Tell me all about it in the comments...
As an avid music fan, the best part of American Idol is the unique performances and song choices made by the contestants. Sometimes a great Idol is slayed by poor song choices, other times a fresh favorite emerges when they create a new sound out a familiar hit. I can't testify to any Kelly or Clay performances, I missed season one and two. But I am stretching the definition to include any performance by a contestant during the season they competed in. So Hollywood week performances, elimination night performances and even finale performances are eligible. So here they are, fifty performances I still remember...
50. Chris Sligh - Typical Top 24 Week, Season 6 - He couldn't keep up the fire, but he broke out of the box with this Mute Math cover that was kinda hot.
49.David Cook - Eleanor Rigby Beatles Week, Season 7 - David Cook rocks, and you'll find a lot of him on this list.
48. Katherine McPhee - Somewhere Over The Rainbow Top Three Week, Season 5 - She could sing, and she was stunningly beautiful. But she never had a moment until this heart-tugging pick from Simon.
47. Adam Lambert - Believe Hollywood Week, Season 8 - Glambert does Cher, acoustically. And you wonder why he's a star?
46. Mandisa - Never Top 24 Week, Season 5 - She wanted to prove sistas could rock. Consider this case closed.
45. Allison Ireheta - Someone To Watch Over Me Rat Pack Week, Season 8 - She needed someone to watch over her when the judges were on the prowl, but vocally she hit this out of the emotional park.
44. Brooke White - Let It Be Lennon/McCartney Week, Season 7 - She may have false started this Beatles classic, but she still sounded fab.
43. LaToya London - Ooh Baby, Baby Ashford & Simpson Week, Season 3 - The classiest of the Three Divas give Smokey and the gang a run for their money.
42. Anthony Federov - Incomplete Current Billboard Hits, Season 4 - He was too late for the boyband boom, which is too bad because this Backstreet Boys single was made for him.
39. Chris Daughtry - I Walk The Line Country Week, Season 5 - The rocker rocks Johnny Cash, controversy ensues. But the performance kicks ass.
38. Allison Ireheta - I Can’t Make You Love Me Songs From The Year You Were Born, Season 8 - She's way too young for the lyrics, but you couldn't tell that from the performance.
35. Nathaniel Marshall - Disturbia Hollywood Week, Season 8 - Give it up for the queer kid, he has YouTube-ready skills on the acoustic Rihanna tip.
34. Lakisha Jones - And I Am Telling You Top 16 week, season 6 - LaKisha attempts to outshine J.Hud the same weeks she wins an Oscar, and almost succeeds.
33. Gina Glockson - Paint It Black British Invasion week, season 6 - That rarest of Idols, the female rocker, gooses up the Stones.
32. Alexis Grace - Dirty Diana Micheal Jackson week, season 8 - Alexis puts her pipes and stage presence to good use.
31. David Cook - Hello 80s Week, season 6 - The first look at David's skills at fresh interpretation.
30. David Archulata - "Imagine" I wasn't a fan of season 7 runner up David, but even I have to give him props for his emotive reading of the John Lennon classic.
29. Bo Bice - "Vehicle" Instead of Disco Week, season four gave us 70s Dance Week. Was it just so Bo could blow us away with his roaring cover of the Ides Of March hit? If so, who cares? He grabbed the mic stand and the crowd went wild.
28. Blake Lewis - "Time Of The Season" British Invasion week of season 6 was one of the chances Blake grabbed to show off his beatboxing skills, plus a sexy new catchphrase for all the Blake-heads: "Who's your daddy?"
27. Kris Allen - "Falling Slowly" Taking a recent Oscar winner from the film Once, Kris made his mark as the most current performer of season 8. His vocals float over a gently plucked guitar, showing he knows how to utilize his instrument more than most soft-voiced singers.
26. Syesha Mercado - "One Rock And Roll Too Many" Syesha seemed to coast along on the "diva vote" as the only African-American female of season 7. I often (incorrectly) picked her as the one to go home, until Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber week. That week, she slinked her way through a Starlight Express number and proved why she deserved her top three place. I never heard her as a radio artist, but she will kill on Broadway.
25. Allison Ireheta & Adam Lambert - "Slow Ride" The two most dynamic singers of season 8 rocked the house with this otherwise boring Foghat hit. The live version is killer, the way those two feed off the other's infinite energy is a treat to watch. I would watch an Allison/Adam TV variety show all day, every day.
24. Vonzell Solomon - "On The Radio" What ever happened to Baby V? She had such promise, and while we all knew Carrie was winning season 4, I hoped for more from the Florida native. She shut the club down with her Donna Summer cover, chosen by Simon Cowell for top three week. I wish we had a market for disco singers again, Vonzell would be the queen of that scene.
23. David Cook - "Billie Jean" On season 7's Songs From The Year You Were Born week, David Cook covered Chris Cornell's cover of Micheal Jackson's "Billie Jean" and nailed it. The original was brilliant, one the greatest pop songs of all time. But in it, I always believe MJ knows Billie Jean was not his lover, when David Cook sings it get the idea he's trying to convince himself. It becomes a new song.
22. Jordin Sparks - "I (Who Have Nothing)" Picture this: Season 6, British Invasion Week. Sixteen-year-old Jordin has flown under the radar, Melinda and LaKisha are currently the ones to beat. What's a girl to do? Pull out an ancient Shirley Bassey torch song and blow the audience away with a voice we didn't know you had.
21. Diana DeGarmo - "Don’t Cry Out Loud" Season 3's runner-up got a bum rap, often being referred to as a Di-Bot for her pageanty yet pitch perfect singing. But on top three night, she finally got a chance to shine, with this schmaltzy (in a good way) Melissa Manchester ballad. What, has the robot developed human emotions? RUN!
20. Matt Giraurd - "So Small" When you cover a hit by an Idol winner, you risk a lot. Season 8's Matt had to know this, but he took this lovely Carrie Underwood single and imbued it was a layer of soulful piano. It works on multiple levels, even improving on the original.
19. Elliot Yamin feat. Mary J Blige - "One" Elliot may have finished third in season 5, but on finale night he took the prize for best performance with a guest star. He may not have stolen the spotlight from the gorgeous Mary J, but he held his own.
18. Jennifer Hudson - "Circle Of Life" For weeks during season 3 J.Hud had enduring the constant comparisons to LaToya and Fantasia, often pointed out as the weakest of the Three Divas. But on Elton John night, all that changed. The Lion King hit took on a gorgeous gospel tone and jump started one of the greatest post-Idol star paths.
17. David Cook - "Little Sparrow" It was the biggest shock to me that anybody even had heard of Dolly's bluegrass album Little Sparrow, let alone that my Idol crush would perform the title track. He didn't change the gender pronouns, just the sound - making a spooky bluegrass track a slow burning rock anthem.
16. Kris Allen - "Heartless" I started this list before the top three performances, but I rearranged it to fit one of the most unique spectacles the Idol stage has brought us. Cute as a button, with a soft, sexy voice, Kris flipped the script on his Idol path and roared with an angry, bluesy take on the autotuned Kanye hit - performed by West less than two months prior on the same stage. Balls, he's got 'em.
15. Chris Daughtry - "Hemorrhage" Chris Daughtry brought modern rock to the stage on season 5 and this Fuel hit earned him an offer from the band to become their new lead singer. He may have only come in fourth, but managed to have one of the biggest post-Idol careers.
14. Chikeze - "She’s A Woman" Up until Beatles week in season 7, Chikeze was a bit of a bore. Aping Luther Vandross will only get you so far, so he had to bring it or get left behind. Taking an obscure cut by the Fab Four and giving it a bluegrass opening and a southern rock back end was the ticket to a few more weeks on the show.
13. Blake Lewis, Chris Sligh, Rudy Cardenas & Tom Lowe - "How Deep Is Your Love" During group rounds in Hollywood week, we rarely get anything but drama and showboating. But sometimes, we get magic. During season 6's Hollywood round, Blake beatboxes (natch) as the other three harmonize, creating a rare moment of genius, forty seconds I can never get out of my head.
12. Alison Ireheta - "Hot Stuff" The females rarely get credit for rearranging songs, and no where was this more obvious in the tepid response to Alison's brilliant rock-tinged version of "Hot Stuff." I still feel uneasy at the thought of a sixteen-year-old singing such lyrics, even more so at the fact it worked so well.
11. Brooke White - "Love Is A Battlefield" With a soft, emotive voice, Brooke didn't stand a chance of matching Pat Benatar's powerful soprano on the 80s classic. So Brooke slowed it down, doing an acoustic rendition and made it work for her.
10. Nadia Turner - "You Don’t Have To Say You Love Me" Nadia is another one of the Idols who flared quickly, her first few weeks were blazing hot soul-rock performances. Her flame sputtered after that, but not before she gave us this chilling reading of the Dusty Springfeild classic. She wasn't a diva, but she took her soulful voice to higher levels one last time in season 4.
9. Adam Lambert - "Mad World" In the current Idol season, no one has gotten more press than Lambert. And deservedly so, his control on this Tear For Fears single is incredible, even more so when you compare it to his more wild performances. Like David Cook, you can almost feel the switch from frontrunner to clear winner.
8. Jason Castro - "Hallujah" With his dirty white-boy dreads and stoner-like inability to give a good interview, it could have been easy to forget Jason possessed a quietly confident vocal presence and peircing blue eyes. I could have been easy, except this cover of the Leonard Cohen classic for 80s week in season 7 was inescapably brilliant, even down to the crack voice in the last "hallujah." Despite a top four finish, this early performance marked a peak in his Idol trajectory.
7. Bo Bice - "In A Dream" Eschewing all instruments, Bo proved he could stand toe-to-toe with the dynamic Carrie Underwood on Final Three night of season 4. His long dark hair was backlit, and his firm and unwavering stance behind the mic on an a capella rendition of a Badlands track made him look like the Messiah of southern rock. It was a throwback to the nerve-racking auditions at the beginning of the show, only with the confidence that weeks of on-stage performance can bring.
6. Melinda Doolittle - "Have A Nice Day" Season 6's Melinda had so much soul, so much of that church-bred grit. She rocked all the greats - Gladys Knight, Tina Turner, "My Funny Valentine" but never proved her versatilty like this late Bon Jovi hit. Her on-stage swagger and that soulful voice that just hits you in your gut took the attiude-laden lyrics to whole 'nother level.
5. George Huff - "Take Me To The Pilot" On season 3's Elton John night, George Huff came out of his shell and rocked the house with this obscure cut from John's catalog. He put a gospel spin on the song, replete with a crazy bounce during the chorus and a gritty, deep vocal. He created a template of picking less familiar songs, and then making them your own.
4. Carrie Underwood - "Alone" Many have tried to imitate the blond Oklahoman's moment of triumph in season 4, a stellar vocal performance of Heart's blazing hot ballad. The background vocalist harmonizing at the ends on the chorus is pure perfection, and Carrie proved she can sing more than just country. She may be a Nashville superstar now, but we remember the night she went to Seattle for a hot minute.
3. Blake Lewis - "You Give Love A Bad Name" Jon Bon Jovi was nervous about the beatboxer re-interpretation of one of his bands biggest hits. Blake amped the vocal "entandres" to the max: opening with the sound of records being played, spun and scratched before enting a drum v. beatbox battle onstage. Blake won, and Jon had reason to be nervous. The song doesn't belong to him any more, not after Idol season 6.
2. David Cook - "Always Be My Baby" What is a rock dude to do during season 7's Mariah Carey night? Pick her biggest song and turn it on it's ear. Changing the tempo, the instrumentation and the phrasing, but leaving the melody intact, created a power ballad that would rock my world, reveal David Cook as the clear winner and leave Mariah proud.
1: Fantasia - "Summertime" On a Songs from the Movies night, most divas would pick shlocky Celine and Whitney ballads, put on some f-me pumps and belt. Single mom and eventual winner Fantasia did the opposite, picking the Gershwin classic from Porgy & Bess and socking it barefoot. Randy said it was the best performance on Idol to date, and five years later that remains true. And it's true because, as 'Tasia herself said with tears on her face, "I felt my song." This season 3 performance remains my favorite rendition of this pop standard.
So, who did I miss? And were you a witness to the legendary "Stuff Like That There"? Or were you a power voting Claymate, just dying to hear "Solitare" one more time? Tell all about it, grandpa. Tell me about the good old days...
Since the dawn of time, looks and sex appeal have impacted important decisions. Beauty and talent have become intertwined even more with the dawn of television. Obvious examples include that C&C Music Factory video where the heavier singer was replaced with a thin model and the marked difference between reactions of TV viewers and radio listeners in the Nixon/Kennedy debates.
In the world of American Idol, beauty is a double edged sword. While sex appeal alway sells, unless you have a lot of talent to go with it you get knock with Paula's kiss of death: a critique that starts with "First, let me say you look lovely tonight." It a little sexist, there have been two male winners (Reuben Studdard and Taylor Hicks) who are not even close to GQ model levels and a third who I think is ten kinds of sexy, but not conventionally boy-band gorgous (David Cook.) But all of the female winners have been stunners. Either thin and dynamic (Fantasia) pretty and perky (Jordin Sparks) thin, pretty and cool (Carrie Underwood) or with a great ass that lesbians and straight men love (Kelly Clarkson) - the looks are a variation on girl next door to the sexiest power. Plus, they all have killer pipes. Don't ask me to explain why it was OK for Simon to dis Mandisa for her weight, yet Reuben was praised as The Velvet Teddybear. In fact, pretty boys like Kris Allen and Anthony Federov got dissed more that the pretty girls do. I can't explain it. All I know is that it's not something that the industry will change, because it still works.
Now that I got that out of my system, I'm ready to start posting pictures of hot people. Being equal opportunity people here at Pictures And Conversations, we'll show you both the boys and the girls that get the blood pumping.
First, let's talk about my personal favorites each year I've watched the show. Only one per year, kids. Mama's not a slut...
I started watching American Idol during season three, the year Fantasia, Jennifer Hudson and LaToya London put the nation on notice that divas were doing it for themselves. The entire top four was female, after J.Hud's shock elimination that left Fantastia, Latoya, Diana DeGarmo and Jasmina Trias. So, were there any dudes on that year? Yeah, footballer Matt Rogers, gospel man George Huff and redheaded crooner John Stevens all brought the musky stuff. But it was John Peter Lewis that turned me into a pervy hobbit fancier. I mean, he hit all my hottie buttons - goofy, geeky, short and a crazy white-boy dancer. The only song I remember from him was "Little Less Conversation" but it was a doozy. He danced his way into me heart and became my first Idol crush.
The next year, I tried to keep a rein on my hormones. There were a lot of talented ladies to keep my eyes on, Nadia Turner was my favorite that season. But Carrie was really good and Vonzell just tore shit up. I wonder what happened to her? But even the constant eye-fucking from Constinine M. and ass-hatty mugging of Scott Savol could distract me from the beauty of Anthony Federov. Yeah, Bo Bice was a better singer, but Bo was a grubby southern rocker and AFed was my boy bander that showed up a couple years too late to jump on the O-Town train. At first I was turned off by the tracheotomy scar, which is shallow. I discovered that he was a thing of beauty, his glasses came off and he was Rachel Leigh Cook in She's All That, only with a dick. At least, I hope he had a dick. In my dreams, he did...
Then there was DAUGHTRY. His broad shoulders and meaty arms and sexy bald head and bad boy with a heart of gold attitude. He's almost generically pretty, like someone took every AfterElton poll and Abercrombie ad and dumped them into a computer and said: "make a sexy singer man who looks like THIS." The computer spit out Chris Daughtry, and I've been thanking it ever since. His voice and stage presence were undeniable, and his lips were soft and kissable.
Season six, the year Blake Lewis stole my heart and never gave it back. Chris Richards was cute, but I didn't need another Justin Timberlake, I needed a TimberBlake. Blake had that cool style I wanted to emulate and that smile that promised he knew what was doing to you, and he knew you liked it. Plus, he was awash in talent. He could sing, he possessed a really soft, tender voice. And he could beatbox, everybody knew that. And when he re-arrange that Bon Jovi song, it was like he gave us everything we wanted. It was way too much, we bit off more than we could swallow. But we wanted to swallow it, anyway. I wanted to swallow whatever Blake gave me. I bought his album, the first time I ever bought an Idol's entire album. (Kelly doesn't count, that was a gift.) I bought the MP3 of "You Give Love A Bad Name" - another first. I read some fucking fan fiction about him and Chris and their moist, delicious Cake and was so overwhelmed with emotion, I almost cried at end. It was weird, I probably should be discussing that with my therapist. But just look at that hair!
Last year, you guys were with me during my Idol journey of love, lust and David Cook. I called him my beloved Cookie, I drove 40 minutes to pick up tickets to see him live and weeks later I returned and stood in line for an hour with a million cougars before the show started. I didn't care, his warm voice embraced me, and his genuine smile lit up my loins. You know how rare a real smile is on a celebrity? They always look like the have some kind of smiling disease, like they had to be retrained to smile properly and some one didn't do it right. Not with David. His smiles are like an O-face, totally spontaneous and totally scary and totally hot. Most important is his love for his family, it is the hottest thing about him. When he cried after "Always Be My Baby" because his terminally ill brother was in the audience, I wanted to just wrap him in my arms and kiss his pain away.
This year was the hardest, I mean that in every way possible. For the first time, every top 10 guy had a HOT factor. Anoop had that cool nerd vibe, Micheal had that hardworking country boy thing, Lambert has the outsized personality (and fashion style and hair), Gokey is all sexy choir boy, Jorge had his accent and Matty G was Justin Timberlake again. But Kris Allen, the super-sexy boy next door with his understated charm and perfect bone structure, crept into my heart and made a nest there. I just want to kiss him on the nose, and stroke his cheek and generally be a silly girl around him so he'll wrap his arms around my tiny frame from behind and pick me up so my legs flail in the air. (It's a fantasy sequence, K?) He's what they call "man-pretty."
But there are a zillion hotties every season of Idol. So let's celebrate some of them, shall we?
n brother David Henrie. The scripts are ludicrous, with vampires, mummies and angels randomly showing up to break hearts or wreak havoc. Selena's character Alex is delightful slacker who refuses to study her magic classes, leaving her always screwing up spells while cracking wise. Silly, I know, but it makes me laugh.
lls from real life in her new sitcom, Happily Divorced. After her hubby and producing partner came out as a gay man, the two created a sitcom based on the situation. While that could have lead into some fascinating insight into the real stories of late in life comings out, Happily Divorced never met a cliche it didn't love. And last weeks episode was very ham fisted in it's look at under-the-surface homophobia. But still, it makes me laugh.
, right down to the Full House-y family hugs that end most episodes. What have we learned from this very special episode? It makes me laugh.
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