Mariah Carey Presents The Greatest Break Up Metaphor Ever

Since the bomb that was Memoirs Of An Imperfect Angel failed to yield more than one hit, Mariah is back at it with a remix album called Angel's Advocate. It doesn't have a release date (and may never in this economy) but it does have a video! Nicki Minaj from the Young Money crew brings some serious sass and British accents to the new single "Up Out My Face" and the video is amazing!

The ladies dress as Barbies/blow up dolls in nurse's costumes and furs with a red Target commercial theme. But it's the little things that make it amazing, like when Mariah trips or the blond wig Nicki sports. And the song is great fun, including this gem of a break up line: "If we were two Lego block not even the Harvard graduating class of 2010 could put us back together again." LOL.

Mariah Does Drag For "Obsessed" Fan

Unless you don't even glance in the direction of entertainment blogs, mags and TV (in which, what the hell are you doing here?) you've probably peeped the still photos of Mariah Carey with a beard and over sized hoodie on the set of her new video. That video just leaked, before it's debut on America's Got Talent tonight.

"Obsessed" is the Eminem diss track that provides the first taste of Mariah's new disc Memoirs Of An Imperfect Angel. I didn't give it the best review on the first listen, but it's growing on me. The video is weird as hell, but seeing Mariah being stalked by Mariah in a beard is the kind of mind fucking I enjoy. Less enjoyable was the photoshoot sequence, since no one uses hairdryers to create wind in a photo. But I must say, perfectly ridiculous ending, I did not expect that at all. Plus, they clearly filmed the stalker's bedroom scenes in my bedroom/Mariah shrine. It's not as crazy-hot as "Touch My Body" but I ain't mad. Watch:

Mariah, We Get It. You Are Hard-Core Gangsta. Can I Have Another "We Belong Together" Please?

Oh, Mimi! You know I love that multi-octave voice, those ballads that you effortlessly belt and even the occasional club-banger you get my booty popping to. But girl, can you please just give me another piece of pure heart-breaking bliss that was "We Belong Together" on Memoirs Of An Imperfect Angel? This "Obsessed" thing (way to steal Beyonce's movie title, bee-tee-dubs) isn't the worst piece of trash I've heard, but it seems better suited to Ashanti or some other lesser diva. I understand you wanna call out Eminem for his recent on-record slams against you and the hubby. But the best revenge is looking fabulous and sounding amazing, and doesn't seem to be a problem for you, hun. The problem is that tired ghetto beat and lackadaisical chorus does nothing to show off the pipes. Remember, it's all about the pipes. We love you Mimi, but we love you more when you sing "We Belong Together" Try that one again, because you and ballads do belong together...

Everybody Sing! Pop Divas Join Forces For "Just Stand Up"

All-star charity singles were huge in the 80s, remember "We Are The World?" But with exception of some failed attempts post-9/11, nobody has been stepping up to the plate. Well, no more! The all-female chorus on "Just Stand Up (To Cancer)" includes cancer-survivors Melissa Etheridge and Sheryl Crow; hip-hop chicas Beyonce, Rihanna, Keyshia Cole, Fergie, Ciara and Ashanti; multi-octave range rovers Mary J. Blige, Leona Lewis and Mariah Carey; country stars Carrie Underwood and LeAnne Rimes and pop-tarts Miley Cyrus and Natasha Bedingfeild. And, it's surprisingly listenable. Like most charity singles, the lyrics are trite, but hearing some of the best songbirds on the planet give it their all, although Leona could out-sing her duet partner Fergie, obvs! Listen below, and read the lyrics and a break-down of who-sang-what here.

Those Are The Videos Of The Year?

It's true, I am an old person trapped in an almost 25-year-old body. I will freely admit this. But please tell me I'm not the only one disappointed in the 2008 Video Of The Year nominees! Check out the noms here.

First off, the Pussycat Dolls had some hot videos off their first disc, I'm not gonna lie. I loved "Buttons" and "Beep." But "When I Grow Up" is the dumbest "song" I've heard in ages, and the video does absolutely nothing for me. They dance on top of cars (just like in "Wait a Minute") and on scaffolding (just like Paula Abdul) and on the sidewalk (just like "Singing In The Rain") The shot of them dancing in front of a lit-up "PUSSYCAT DOLLS" features some decent dancing, but I've seen better in a Danity Kane video. And the Day-Glo outfits? That pink jacket worn by Nicole should be reason enough to bar this video from being seen by people who are not legally blind.

The Jonas Brothers are an unstoppable force, I get it. I heard "Burning Up" played twice at a gay bar this weekend, which makes me think the DJ was a Boy Scout going for his pedophile badge. But the video treatment that's nominated is NOT the one they are playing on MTV. I've seen the JoBros way too many times on the MTV and all they do is play by the pool. But the version on the Nominees page is cut between the poolside pickups and some goofy fake action movie scenes. It's cute, but it should hardly stand next to "Video Of The Year" winners like "Nothing Compares 2 U" or "Work It"

I'm in love with "Forever" by Chris Brown. The video is pretty meh, but I can't hate on the amazing song. Never gonna win, though. And Britney's surprisingly self-aware look at the tabloids that she toys with and engages in a torrid love/hate affair with in "Piece Of Me" would be my pick for "Video Of The Year" if it weren't for the stunning Chic-meets-White Stripes fun of The Ting Tings' "Shut Up And Let Me Go." That song is catchy, quirky, new and worthy of being nominated. The video is cool, too...

So who should have been nominated? First big snub is Leona Lewis, who may not have had a showstopper of a video in "Bleeding Love" but that song is so freaking major, I would have nominated it anyway. And Eryka Badu's "Honey" was one of the coolest things I've seen all year, with the recreation of classic album covers like Let It Be. Duffy got all emotional and real with her second single "Warwick Avenue" which deserves some love. Who can forget Robyn? Any one of her videos are miles ahead of the competition. Mariah Carey got silly with 30 Rock's Kenneth The Page in "Touch My Body"'s nerd-centric fantasy gags. And for giving even gay guy's wood with her lipstick lesbian ways, Katy Perry deserves a nod for "I Kissed A Girl."

We're Halfway There... (Part One)

OK, kids, we've made it to the midpoint of 2008, and I'm hankering for some list making! So far 2008 has brought us a new Spears baby (not Britney's) a couple of pop diva comeback albums (again, not Britney's) and a new seriously hot American Idol (still not Britney) and an American pop star on How I Met Your Mother (yup, Britney!) So, what are my favorite tracks of 2008's first half?

I've decided to make two lists. The first is a top 15 list of just pop hits. These are the songs with heavy radio airplay and charted high on the Hot 100. Last year, a lot of these songs got buried at the back of my top 50, because I get so sick of hearing them they become less hot than the album tracks and indie stuff. But my number one pop hit may end up being my number one song of the year, it just depends on what the rest of the year holds. It's most played on my iPod, despite also being a massive radio hit. The peak position on the Billboard Hot 100 (per Wikipedia) is listed after the title.

List number two, which you will get later this week, is the non-hits. Maybe they got light airplay or are totally not radio-friendly indie-type stuff. Or perhaps they are remixes or album tracks, but my love for them is as strong or stronger than the radio hits. For my year end list, I will probably not do the separate lists, but who knows? That's six months away...

Paulbo's Top 15 Pop Hits 2008.5

15. Miley Cyrus - "See You Again" (#10)
For a song that I hated the first few weeks of radio play, Hannah Montana star Miley Cyrus's biggest pop hit sure is high on my chart. I still think some of the lyrics are shit ("My best friend Leslie said oh she's just being Miley" is one of the most obnoxious lines in pop music history) but it's got a killer beat, funky surf guitars and a chorus that is catchy as hell. More worth cranking in the car than I want to admit.

14. Janet Jackson - "Feedback" (#19)
Another beat-heavy track, only this time with a far more urban flair and mature lyric content. Featuring one of my favorite lines of the year: "My swag is serious/something heavy like a first day period" So gross, but so funny.

13. Rihanna - "Please Don't Stop The Music" (#3)
This Michael-Jackson-sampling club hit puts me in serious dance floor mode. Originally gaining major play in dance clubs in 2007 causing "Please Don't Stop The Music" to hit the top of the Billboard Clubplay Charts before it's official radio release in January 2008. But enough chart chat, it's a dance song. So shake that booty people!

12. Mariah Carey - "Touch My Body" (#1)
Sexy, flirty, fun. And that's just Jack McBrayer in the the video! Mimi emancipates herself from ballads and brings a naughty pop track to the masses. Apparently booty calls are her style, and a piano-driven beat is too. But she's not totally kinky, if there's a camera up here, then she best not catch this flick on YouTube. But the hilarious music video? That's all up in YouTube's bidness like a Wendy interview...

11. Coldplay - "Viva La Vida" (#1)
"Viva La Vida" is the first ever number one hit for the British band, and my favorite Coldplay track since "Yellow." I love symphonic rock, and this is a prime example of why.

10. Rihanna - "Take A Bow" (#1)
Many have tried to rip off "Irreplaceable" but leave it to that hit's songwriter (Ne-Yo) and production team (Stargate) to turn the new Beyonce into, well, the new Beyonce. It may not be as catchy as "umbrella-ella-ella-ella-eh-eh-eh" but it's still a stunning pop ballad.

9. Danity Kane - "Damaged" (#10)
I never really liked Danity Kane, they seemed like the Spice Girls for the '00s, only without the hits. While "Show Stopper" was an OK club track, "Damaged" is like "The First Cut Is The Deepest" only as a club banger! The lyrics are actually moving, but the girls don't park on the dance floor no matter how damaged their hearts are.

8. Natasha Bedingfeild - "Pocketful of Sunshine" (#6)
It's just a sweet little pop song, not as cloying as previous single "Love Like This" but not as brilliant as "Unwritten" or "These Words (I Love You, I Love You)" I love the downbeat of the track, reminiscent of fellow Brit-poppers Dido or Seal, which makes it a perfectly chill summer song.

7. Colbie Caillat - "Realize" (#20)
On this track Caillat's lyrics cut like a knife, which is something I never thought I'd say about the songwriter who described love as giving her "tingles in a silly place." It perfectly describes the tentative love one has for a friend, especially one that may be unavailable :coughstraightguyscough: Colbie wants her man to meet her halfway, to realize which she just realized, but we never find out if he does. I hope so, I know the pain of unrequited love and nothing spoils your peanut butter sandwiches more than it.

6. Chris Brown - "Forever" (#8)
I haven't heard a techno track get this much airplay since Cascada's "Everytime We Touch" but I'm not complaining. The beat insists on making you dance, the euro-synths shimmer like they should, the chorus is amazing: "It feel like I waited my whole life for this one night/It's only me, you and the dance floor" They may need a new word to describe this genre-blending on songs like this or Rihanna's "Please Don't Stop The Music" and much of Madonna's Hard Candy, perhaps techno-hop?

5. Katy Perry - "I Kissed A Girl" (#2)
A new-wavey nod to lesbian experimentation, with naughty lyrics like "I kissed a girl and I liked it/The taste of her cherry chap stick" and a synthy rock beat. It's an instant pop classic, from a girl whose worked with Matthew Thiessen of Relient K in the past and appeared in the Gym Class Heroes video "Cupid Chokehold" Emo enough for ya?

4. Jordin Sparks feat. Chris Brown "No Air" (#3)
The youngest American Idol winner completes her takeover of the pop charts with this torchy duet with R&B superstar Chris Brown. The runs-to-actual-lyrics ratio is pretty high, making it perfect for a chest-thumping lip sync in the bathroom mirror. I highly recommend it.

3. Flyleaf - "All Around Me" (#40, Hot Modern Rock Tracks Chart: #6)
With a stunning cry of "I'm alive!" over a bed of modern rock guitars, Flyleaf lead singer Lacey Mosely leaped into my heart. The smallest and most fragile looking rocker I've seen, her voice chills me, and the line from the chorus "I can feel you all around me/thickening the air I'm breathing" is one of the most amazing things I've heard all year. The album may be three years old, and the track may have debuted on the modern rock charts last year before finally entering the pop charts this year, but that only proves the longevity of this appealing rock smash.

2. Madonna feat. Justin Timberlake "4 Minutes" (#3)
This song was created just for me to love. My goddess, the Divine Madonna, and my boyfriend/stalkee, the Adonis-like Justin Timberlake, together? How could I hate? From the second the French radio rip hit the interwebs, I was all over it. The brassy beat, courtesy of pop-mastermind Timbaland and the self-referential hooky chorus were enough to have me in it's grips. The best dance single so far this year, with many other hit-worthy tracks on the parent album Hard Candy. I'm out of time, and I've only got four minutes...

1. Leona Lewis - "Bleeding Love" (#1, four non-consecutive weeks)
It's hard to believe this soaring ballad was written by former teen-pop star Jesse McCartney, and that the eighties-style beat wasn't a Timbaland production. The organ and strings put me in mind of Sinead O'Conner's "Nothing Compares 2 U" only with the vocals of Mariah Carey. I gorgeous pop ballad, perfect for singing along to, but you can't outsing the new diva in town, Ms. Leona Lewis.

Review: Mariah Carey "E=MC2"

The diva who took over 2005 with "We Belong Together" is back with more R&B jams to melt the dance floor. "E=MC2" starts off with six club-ready songs in row, four of which would be easy pop hits if released as singles. The first, "Migrate" isn't a Mariah song as we expect it to be, the vocals are actually vocoded in parts I believe. (Which shouldn't come as a shock, since T-Pain is the guest rapper.) This is a club banger of the highest order, I can't wait to shake my ass to it. Number one hit "Touch My Body" follows and then a hot track, "Cruise Control" with Damian Marley, which is only marred by Mariah's attempt at a Jamacian accent on one verse. Still ass-shaking fun. The stand out is "Side Effects" which chronicles her painful relationship with Tommy Mattola, which has a Scott Storch-produced dance friendly groove juxtaposed with soul baring lyrics like "You were scared I'd become much more than you could handle, shining like a chandelier that decorated every room inside the private hell we built." She follows that track with lighter fare, the smooth R&B jam "I'm That Chick" that sounds a lot like Ne-Yo's "Because Of You" and the DeBarge sampling "I'll Be Lovin' U Long Time." The album is a little overstuffed, I could have done without at least two of the Jermaine Dupri-produced tracks, but I'm a little prejudiced since I hate JD's "Y'all know what this is" intro tag that he forces into every song. But the album regains it's groove with some hip-hop on "O.O.C" and sentimental gospel on "Bye Bye." All in all, even with some minor missteps this is the perfect summer record, made to be bumped with the windows down and the bass way up.

American Idol Recap - Mariah Carey Week

Mariah Carey as mentor? Hotness! Mariah Carey songs? I was less enthused about that, but the fact the boys turned out the best performances proves MC know how to write and pick a great pop song. Plus you know I have an affinity for guys doing girls songs (Artic Monkeys covering Amy Winehouse, Daniel Rossen covering JoJo, Of Montreal covering M.I.A. and every shitty YouTube cover of "Straight Up") So how did the Idols do covering the legendary Mimi?

I knew D. Archie would do "When You Believe" like any good Mormon boy should. He's so focused on saving the world through song, how can anyone fault him? This song is from the "Prince Of Egypt" soundtrack, it was a divariffic duet between Mariah and Whitney. And the fact lil' Archie could almost hold his own with that song is astonishing. It was good, not amazing.

Carly Smithson needs to hire a new stylist. Black hose with black shoes and dress? Girl, any gay could have told you no on that ensemble. Her vocals were strong on "Without You" but something was off. I can never quite put my finger on it, but she just never quite gets there with her songs. I want to like her, but she keeps making it so hard to do.

I loved the runs at the end, Syesha! But I'm still missing that emotional connection. I don't know "Vanishing" and it doesn't sound like my kind of song, I enjoyed parts of it, but I think this is the final week for you.

"Hero" is the song that Brooke White had to do. It was the only one that fit her well enough. And while Brooke doing her thing on the piano is always a good thing, this wasn't as amazing as it could have been. I think a choir at the end, or maybe some strings, could have made it better. But any female artist doing Mariah is going to suffer in comparison so can't hate too much. It was a very "Brooke" performance, but I don't think she can win that way.

Paula is right. Kristy Lee Cook could have a country hit with her version of "Forever" but her vocals seemed weak in spots. It ended well, but I still have a raging hate-on for her.

You know I love David Cook, right? You know I will have his children, right? You didn't think I could love him more, right? Wrong! I FRIGGIN' LOVE HIS VERSION OF "ALWAYS BE MY BABY" WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING! It was emotional, beautiful, it rocked like a real rock song, it was the best performance on Idol since Fantasia did "Summertime" in season three. Stunning! He will win, he must win, he makes me horny. Um, I mean, he's really talented.

Jason Castro is always just so chill. He's so real, he's just a pothead with a guitar just pouring out his soul with an earnest cover of "I Don't Want To Cry." It seemed like he wrote it in his bedroom after a breakup, not like a cover of a diva song. It was really a special moment.

I think bottom three will be all chicas. Kristy, Syesha and Carly with Syesha going home. I'm not saying the possibility of Carly leaving or Brooke being in the bottom doesn't exist, those are both very real possibilities. We'll see tonight. Oh, and I highly recommend Mariah's new E=MC2, it's pretty hot.

"Touch My body" [Acoustic Piano Instrumental]

Just in time for Mariah's album release tomorrow, here is an intrumental take on her hot single "Touch My Body" Weirdest shiz you'll see all day, methinks. But I kinda like it...

And The Winner Is...!

Mariah Carey! Jumping from #15 to #1 on Billboard's Hot 100 this week thanks to an unprecedented 286,000 downloads of her track "Touch My Body" to snag her 18th chart-topper. Major congrats, girl! This ties her with Elvis Presley for second place among artists with the most #1 Hot 100 hits. Two more and Heather Mills won't be the only chick on Paul McCartney's shitlist, as the Beatles still hold first place. For now...
Also making news is Madonna, who grabbed her 37th top ten hit with the booty-shaker "4 Minutes" surpassing Elvis as the artist with most top ten hits, once again thanks to downloads. 217,000 of the to be precise! She landed a 68-3 jump this week.
What about Leona Lewis? The actual charts haven't been posted online yet, and I can't afford a subscription to Billboard (Christmas gift anyone?) so I don't know that status of my new favorite Brit, but who else is guessing she's the meat in the middle of the Madge/Mariah chart sandwich?

Diva Showdown!

Are you ready for it? Tomorrow we will see if the New Mariah Carey, British pop sensation Leona Lewis, can hold on to the top of the Billboard Hot 100 with her white hot hit "Bleeding Love" or if the original Mariah can overtake her with her radio smash "Touch My Body." This is the first week Mariah's song has been available for purchase as a download, and you know I downloaded it. Currently "Touch" is holding fast to the pole position on the iTunes chart, and for my own observation is getting a little more airplay on the radio, so I think Mariah will get her 18th #1, tieing her with Elvis Presley for second place (behind the Beatles) in number one hits. But what if there was another diva ready to pounce? Madonna's collaboration with my boyfriend Justin Timberlake is number two on the iTunes chart right now, and radio has been eating it up. I downloaded it, too. I don't know how many spins "4 Minutes" is getting, but I'm hoping for a one-two-three girl power punch at the top. Whichever glamorous star tops the charts, it seems it's a good time to be a girl with pop chops. Need more proof that Leona Lewis is amazing? Check her live on Leno last week. Lewis's Spirit is out tommorrow. Carey's E=MC2 and Madonna's Hard Candy are available in April.