I've Got The Joy, Joy, Joy Down In My Heart!

I was at my Bible study Monday night and we were discussing what brings us joy. I said music and conversations, which got me thinking about which songs always bring me joy. There is something very powerful about music, to make someone angry or sad or happy. In chronological order, here are five songs that bring me joy.

Petula Clark - "Downtown"
When this song would come on the oldies station when I was a child, I always hoped I would live in a big city where I could walk downtown whenever I feel blue. I now live in Harrisburg, but I'd have to drive to get to downtown and I'd rather go to the mall than shop downtown. But the feeling when this song comes on remains the same, that liberating feel of joy that only shopping and music can bring!


Mama Cass - "Make Your Own Kind Of Music"
For some reason the music director of Lost seems to like to place happy pop songs from the 1960s in the middle of the deserted island drama. I'm not complaining! This song just fills my heart with joy, I want to make music, I want to dance, I want be a singing sensation! I'm not sure my neighbors approve, though.


ABBA - "Dancing Queen"
And when you get the chance, you are the dancing queen! Oh, to be a pretty young thing in the 1970s, the disco as my hunting ground. There is no greater expression of joy than to get your ass on the dance floor and shake what your mama gave ya!


Madonna - "Into The Groove"
This is the perfect song to strut to as you're walking your fine self through the mall. You can dance (for inspiration, naturally) as you walk, just giving little twirls and shoulder shakes, and that thing where you switch between your heels and your toes. Try it, it warms the heart! Only when I'm dancing can I feel this free.


Avalon - "Testify To Love"
When I was a home schooled youngin' living in the country, going to church three times a week and immersing myself in the newly revitalized Contemporary Christian Music scene one of my favorite groups was Avalon. The slick and polished pop sounds warmed my gay little heart, I rushed out to buy O2: Avalon Remixed at Walmart as soon as CCM Magazine mentioned it was available. "Testify To Love" remains one of the biggest hits in gospel radio history, the band's first twenty non-holiday singles hit number one. Wynonna Judd covered the song for an episode of Touched By An Angel, it appears on the soundtrack also.

M.I.A. Makes A Video For $9.95

Seriously, I can't go more than a week or two without bringing up Sri Lanka-born, London-raised, Brooklyn-dwelling rabblerouser/rapper/designer/artiste M.I.A. Ever since her Clash-sampling single "Paper Planes" entered the Billboard Top 5 the first time (she returns this week) everybody has been bumping the track and talking Maya. She's preggo, she's re-releasing "Boyz" with a new (weak!) verse from Beyonce's man on her new EP Boyz - How Many Votes Fix Mix and she released a limited run clothing line in last few weeks alone.

But her new music that has been released or leaked of late has not been as engaging as anything on Kala or Arular. At first blush, Jay-Z's addition to "Boyz" seems unnecessary and uninteresting - just like his verses on Amy Winehouse's "Rehab [Remix]" and Rihanna's "Umbrella" but it is growing on me. The other tracks on the EP are not up to snuff, "Hit That" was a disappointment and I was beginning to think perhaps M.I.A. shouldn't have un-retired. But if you can dig up an MP3 of "Big Branch" it's totally worth it. It's a bonus track from the iTunes version (also on Japanese pressings, if I recall correctly) of Kala and it's filthy and rediculous and brassy.

But here comes a new collaboration with Blaqstarr, "S.U.S. (Save UR Soul)" It's got a great Baltimore club sound with a gospel vocal stamp. The chorus is based on Tom Waits' "Way Down In The Hole" and it almost sounds like Moby producing a hip-hop track. The video cost $9.95 to make, according to YouTube: three Quicktime screens play black and white close up footage of the performers on computer desktop. Cheap and dirty, but fits well with the sound. Kudos to M.I.A. for directing it!

He Will Be Your President, Too...

I wrote a political column for a local magazine called The Muse for two years, and I never wanted to discuss politics again. It's so full of bitter fights fueled by greed, pride and hatred. So I turned to the exact opposite: writing a fluffy pop culture blog.

But here's the thing: I still vote every election, I try to keep informed about the government and it's doings, I'm not a total political dead weight. So I had made up my mind a long time ago that Barack Obama was the change we needed. I may have been swayed by his charisma at first, but his plans and his desire to do the right thing kept me on his side.

Last night's acceptance speech was one of the most subdued victory speech I've ever seen. He knows he has a lot of work to do, this country is in bad shape on so many levels. But I got a tiny thrill when he commented on there being no gay or straight America, because I don't know that I've ever heard my president say something so equalizing. But it was this moment (click here for sound clip) when he spoke to his opponents: "To those Americans whose support I have yet to earn, I may not have won your vote tonight, but I hear your voices. I need your help. And I will be your president, too." it brought a tear to my eye.

This country has been so divided for so long, we are so full of suspicion and hate for those on the "wrong" side of the "issues" that we forget we are all Americans. And I'm not just talking about conservatives, because I still count myself as one of you. Liberals look down on conservatives as ignorant hillbillies, conservatives dismiss liberals as anti-American and the moderates think they are more level headed than everybody else. I think we all forget that most of us truly believe we are working towards what's best for our country.

We are all Americans... and Barack Obama will be our president, too!

David Cook Should've Left The Light Off His New Video

I love David Cook more than any other American Idol winner since Kelly. He is hot as ballz, has an incredibly sexy voice and a brilliant rock-star swagger and persona. I am in love with his new single, "Light On" which was co-written by Soundgarden's Chris Cornell and has an anthemic feel and a sexual pulse that thrills me. I have literally been salivating for the release of the video, I knew my beloved Cookie would turn it out to turn me on!

Alas, while David's performance clips in the video are arousingly rock-star with all the gorgeousness and star power one would expect, the plot involving high school kids with crushes was beyond lame. This is an adult rock song, not some High School Musical cover. I would still drag DC into a deserted dressing room for a little bump n grind session, but the morons who green lit this concept video will get none of this jelly. Don't try to turn every cougar's favorite heart throb into a teen sensation. Give us edge, give us sexy darkness! This video fails every time David Cook's face is no longer on the screen. As it should...

The Best Pop Songs Pop Radio Isn't Playing

Oh, to be a radio programmer in the age of Clear Channel and Cumulus Media! You have to find exactly seven songs to rotate, and BAM you have your job done for the week. It's really easy, since all you have to do is check and see which songs feature Akon, Lil' Wayne and/or T-Pain and then you have one spot left to fill with an American Idol winner or runner up (or Daughtry, in more rock-receptive areas.) Then tell your DJs to intersperse "Where My Girls At?" and "In Da Club" in between those seven songs and you have Harrisburg's Hottest Hits: Hot 92 or Here's What Hot: 99.3 Kiss FM. Yay!

OK, I'm sure it's more difficult than that. I mean, there probably dozens of songs going for adds (yeah, I speak the lingo!) every week and you have to choose which ones you will have your DJs play. Some songs are crap, and those songs get played more. I'm kidding, I'm kidding! I'm trying to be sensitive to the fact that real people are making this music, then choosing to play this music.

But when I turn on the radio, I'd like to be able to choose something in between the somewhat hookless stuff on NPR or XPN and the literally ten songs that get played on the big pop stations. Would it kill them to play "Dangerous" only five times a day, and use the other spots left empty to play "Untouched" by the Veronicas, "With Every Heartbeat" by Robyn, "I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You" by The Black Kids, "L.E.S. Artistes" by Santogold, "Black And Gold" by Sam Sparro, "Into The Nightlife" by Cyndi Lauper, "U Want Me 2" by Sarah McLachlan and "Light On" by David Cook?

OK, so that list may lean to the gay-friendlier side of things, but the fact I could come up with 6 recent singles off the top of my head that I've never heard on the radio, and two that got very limited airplay, is sad. I'm serious, there are literally dozens of really catchy, interesting pop singles like that. I'm not sure I'd still like any of these songs if they played them 12 times a day (no exaggeration) but why do we need to play any song that frequently? It's why so many people prefer blogs to radio to find new music: there is no new music on the radio. Just the same tired track played over and over until I run for cover.

Read This! "Attack Of The Theater People" by Marc Acito

I've never read Marc Acito's first novel How I Paid For College to which Attack Of The Theater People is a sequel. But reading the first one does not seem to be a requirement to enjoy this delightful novel of young people in the city that never sleeps.

It's the mid-1980s. Edward Zanni has just been expelled from Julliard, having been too "jazz hands" for the prestigious drama school, and is now in need of employment. Through a series of truly hilarious moments, he find a job pretending to be a VJ for British MTV at Bar Mitzvahs. That leads him to spying for a hunky insider-trading stockbroker, which eventually gets him and his roommate in trouble with the feds. All the while, he's getting in trouble with thirteen-year-old stalkers, being pursued by an amorous Asian and lusting after his high school crush who has become the lead singer for a Bruce Springsteen cover band.

The plot of Attack Of The Theater People is completely ridiculous, but that's not really a problem. It's consistently hilarious, peopled with the kind of characters that are at once real and really funny. I was never distracted by the ludicrous nature of the circumstances that continually happen, like putting on a guerrilla theatre production of The Music Man starring a deaf guy or the chase scene towards the end which requires Edward to stage-crash Starlight Express. The joyful exuberance of gays in New York, and the snappy dialogue is enough to distract you, even if there were any plot holes in sight. But it's a really tightly written novel, even under the layers of insanity. Plus, Edward's so AIDS-intimidated he's celibate through most of the novel, which avoids the trappings of soft-core porn one usually finds in gay fiction.

Occasionally the 1980s references get a little obvious but all together this is a breezy read with a million laughs. And most importantly: a lot of heart.

With Sympathy...

It's a horrible thing to lose someone. Unless you really are an island, Simon and/or Garfunkle, it will happen sooner or later, for you I really hope it's later. Unfortunately, death visits us all no matter how much blood you smear on your doorposts.

When I was sixteen, my father lost his battle with cancer. It remains the most awful time in my life, obviously it colors my life to this day. It's why I rarely cry at 'very special' episodes of sitcoms or at the heartbreaking separation of protagonist from a child/lover/chipmunk family at the movies. I'm not a cold-hearted bastard, quite the opposite. I just know the far greater pain in real life than in these fictional stories.

So when I heard the news that one of the employees at the main office of my employer had lost her son in a car accident, I felt for her. I don't know what it's like to lose a child, I hope I never do. But I know what it's like to lose a father, so I have an inkling of the level of pain one would experience. I knew I had to send a card, because it's the very least I could do. The very, very least.

Off to Walmart's card department I went, to buy two cards: one for me to send with a personal message and one for all my co-workers to sign. I usually enjoy picking cards for special occasions, but I prefer the funny ones. They don't make funny sympathy cards, for obvious reasons. There are lots of cards with verses by Helen Steiner Rice and some that just sound like HSR. I'm reading them and, despite Rice's own personal tragedies, there is very little that would help me get through the pain of losing someone. In fact, a lot of the cards were more painful to read than helpful. Don't tell someone to remember the good times, that hurts just as much as forgetting. Don't remind someone that they will see their loved one in heaven, that's too far away. Don't tell them God's holding them, because God is probably their least favorite person right now. To be honest, there are no words that make the pain less. It hurts like god-fucking-damned hell, it just does.

I think back to those dark days in the spring of 2000, when we got so many cards and flowers, and can't recall a single pre-printed message, good or bad. It's the names written inside, the scrawled "I'm praying for you" or "You are in my thoughts" that meant something. It's the only thing that carries you through; the support of friends, family, coworkers and people you barely knew.

So I got cards with simple messages. Because there are literally no words.