Who Will Be The Next American Idol? Damned If I Know!

The time has come, the walrus said, to talk of many things. Like the top 36 that will be revealed tonight on American Idol. Here's some straight talk about the final solo performances of Hollywood Week that we heard last night. Who will make it on the little stage next week? And who is worthy of the top twelve, top five, top spot?

Stage actor/hottie/closet case? Adam Lambert performed the original vocoded pop song "Believe" in a balladeer style. I'm sure Simon was thinking "way too Broadway" but I kinda dug it. He's super cute and, despite being a theatre boi and covering Cher, straight acting enough to make it to the top twelve.

Blue-eyed soul singer Matt Giraud has the Elliot Yamin thing down but he kept looking down at his piano while he sings. It's a bit off-putting. I still think he has a chance to hit the 36 stage, but if he can't engage the audience he won't make it much further.

Besties Jamar Rogers and Danny Gokey are so cute together, and I would love to see that easy-going friendship take them into the top twelve together. But Jamar's voice is strange, I don't really like it. Danny is cute as ballz and has the emotion-tugging back story to garner him votes. His vocals are pretty good, too. But his hand gestures are awkward sometimes, the tiniest flaw. Danny is definitely top twelve, probably top five. Jamar will probably make it into the top 36, but his chances beyond that are up in the air.

I love Anoop Desai! He's funky and fun, with a great attitude. The look didn't match the sound though. His final solo was "My Prerogative" and he wore a striped sweater. He looked like a cute office temp at a karaoke bar after work. I think he will make it into the top 36, but I don't know if "middle America" will vote for him.

Jorge Nunez bored me, I don't quite know if he's got the chops to make it into the top 36. Others that made little impression on me were Mishavonna Henson, Alexis Grace and Kai Kaloma. I'm guessing at least some of them made it into the top 36, but they are seriously just cannon fodder at this point. And forgetting the words, like Joanna Pacitti and Casey Carlson did, will not get you any love from Simon. They will be lucky to make it into the top 36. Ditto for Stephen Fowler, since he didn't even try to finish out the song. That pissed me off. Just make up words or hum or play the piano while talking about "The Time Of My Life" Gawd...

Ok, let's discuss Scott MacIntyre. He's blind, so he has the biggest backstory hook of them all. And he will probably win because of it. Since he can carry a tune, I'm not too upset at that thought. But his version of DAUGHTRY's "Home" was so lounge/cabaret that I can't believe Simon didn't hate it. The reason Simon hasn't said anything is he can smell the money on him. What better sales hook than blind kid with the voice of an angel?. That'll get you Oprah, that'll get you command performances at political events, that'll get you the cover of People. Top five, no doubt.

Kendall Beard can't do Carrie Underwood justice. "Before He Cheats" is not a song you sing, it's a song you live. Stevie Wright sings that damn "Bubbly" song. She is dead to me. Kristin MacNavera (of the drama-filled group Compromise) did manage some emotion when she sang Kelly Clarkson's greatest ballad, "Because Of You" but it seemed a little overwrought. But all three are passable enough to make it into the top 36, but just as cannon fodder.

Lil Rounds, on the other hand, is just a ball of fabulousness! As if her name wasn't enough, she has a big ol' voice. And with an increasingly white bread female cast, she will probably pull a Syesha Mercado and make top five. God, I love her!

Oh, Tatiana Del Toro. The fact you are still around baffles me. You finally showed you have a decent voice (out of 8 songs, you'd think she'd have proved that by now) but your over all demeanor is ridiculous with a side of obnoxious. Kinda like the run you did at the end of your song. I really hope she doesn't make top 36, but I doubt she'll make it any further than that.

Jasmine Murray did a decent job with Jordin Sparks' "Tattoo" but she's done better. She's so tiny and cute, she will probably skate through to a top 12 finish.

I don't quite know what to think about Nathaniel Marshall, the boy part of the Compromise drama camp. He's so my type, with the insane piercings and hair and clothes. But he irks me with his drama queen antics. His acoustic cover of Rihanna's "Disturbia" was pretty cool (in a YouTube-y kinda way), but he may end up with Danny Noriega in the reject pile.

Watch out world, it's "Norman Gentle." I can't decide if he's the biggest joke ever pulled on this show, or just the most obvious one. He can sing, but he's too over the top. If you compare him to other singers who are also funny, like Weird Al, Dave Grohl or John Mayer, he pales so greatly as schtick. I can't really predict where he will end up.

After a couple other performances of "I Hope You Dance" Anne Marie Boscovich is concerned she may not stand out enough. She shouldn't have worried, she sounded almost exactly like Lee Ann Womack and really nailed the right balance of sensitivity and artistic value. She needs to work on being memorable if she wants to make it past the top 36, which she is a shoo-in for.

The oil-rig roughneck with the silky tongue of a country singing seducer, Michael Sarver is my kinda man. He sings really well, and he's really got strikingly dumb good looks. Top 36, possible top twelve.

Finally, Matt Bretsky. I don't remember much about this welder's singing, and they neglected to show any last night. I will be forever grateful that he stopped the Judge's dicking around at the end of the show with the simple question: "So, it's a NO then?" To which the answer is NO, it's a YES! Top 36? Doubt it.