I'm Back! ...And In Search of The Perfect Pop Record

Hi, kids! It's been a while, I know. I thought a new season of American Idol would spur me into a writing frenzy. It did not. This season sucked giant donkey balls, so I quit watching.

Meanwhile, I've kept my ears open for fresh, cool music to share with y'all. I still felt the need to post deep in my soul, but I needed something to post about. So when Christina Aguilera posted her new single from her upcoming electronica-tinged disc Bionic, I got excited.

The single cover for "Not Myself Tonight" is fantastic. It is one of the coolest single covers since Kelly Clarkson's "My Life Would Suck Without You." But the song... eh, not so much. Produced by Palow Da Don, it has a passing resemblance to his masterpiece "Forever" by Chris Brown. But it's so boring, I can't even remember what it sounds like right after listening to it. It's quite disappointing; I was hoping for a phenomenal return from the Dirrty diva.

Which led me to my new feature: In Search of The Perfect Pop Record. I already have several candidates, and I'm hoping for my readers to suggest a few more. Here are the requirements for A Perfect Pop Record:

*Enjoyable Hooks: The Record has to get stuck in your head after just a listen or two. You must find yourself singing it at the grocery store, weeks after you heard it last. But you can't want to kill yourself because it's stuck in your head.

*Succinct Production: The Record can't have an extra note anywhere. It must be exactly the right length, not ten seconds too long or too short. You can't add anything, you can't take anything away.

*Extraordinary Resilience: The Record cannot be readily improved, but it must be open to interpretation. It has to be able to be covered and remixed but still keep you coming back to the original, even while enjoying the new version. It has to be able to show up on American Idol, be used a Broadway play or be featured in a commercial for tampons and still make you want to hear it.

*Enduring Popularity: Pop music is a genre, yes. But pop is short for popular, so the Record has to have a following. Whether it's widespread appeal or a small-yet-fervent fanbase, people have to hear it and love it.

*It has to be a record: There are great pop standards, and we may explore them during our search. But a great song like "The Man I Love" has been recorded so many times, we would have to pick the definitive recording to be The Perfect Pop Record. Like an Immortal (or a Hollaback Girl), there can only be one.

No matter the official genre names (pop-punk, electro-pop, bubblegum pop, teen pop, hip-pop, country-pop) if it fits the above category, it could be The Perfect Pop Record. Suggestions are suggested. Check back every Monday for a new candidate as we go In Search of The Perfect Pop Record.

PS: Trashy Thursdays are also returning! Because how will we recognize Perfect Pop unless we spotlight it's shadow side?