Clay Aiken Comes Out!

It's what all the blogs have been buzzing about, ever since Perez Hilton leaked it earlier today: Clay Aiken, American Idol season two runner up, is People's cover boy, with his baby and his less-than-surprising admission. Clay Aiken is gay.

Many have assumed as much, but Clay himself has bull doggedly defended his right to keep the sexual part of his life a secret. While it may seem ridiculous to many that anyone would stay in the closet in this day and age of increased tolerance, I totally understand his hesitancy.

It was only a year and a half ago that I came out to my sister and some of my close friends. I was scared of what God thought, which is something a southern Christian like Clay would be worried about too. So many anxious thoughts: "Am I already going to hell, just pumping that gas?" "Even I think guys are hot but don't ever act on it, can I still go to heaven?" "What if I pretend to like girls and get married and everything, and finally tell myself the truth after it's too late? That would suck!" It takes a lot of soul searching to reconcile my truth with God's truth, and I think that's something Clay Aiken probably did.

The thing is, people have been assuming that Clay knew all along that he was gay, since the world kind of had him pegged from day one. And maybe he did, I don't know. But everyone in my circle knew before I did, back when I thought I was confused. And just because someone loves the theatre, disco, designer clothes and hair color; hates sports and outdoorsy things; and generally acts gay, doesn't mean they know they are. Their family might know it, but they won't pressure them to come out until they know it too. After all, my family loves me whether I'm gay, straight or a hot tranny mess. And I hope Clay has those kinds of friends and family in his life. He's gonna need them.

MAD TV: Ellen Kisses Girls, Likes It...

The folks at Mad TV don't always get their due. While SNL gets all the love, they quietly put out the best music video parodies. The Britney "Lick My Baby Back Behind" video is still genius! (I also dig the Dixie Chicks one.) This past weekend they outdid themselves, with a spot on parody of Ellen DeGeneres singing a parody of Katy Perry's #1 hit "I Kissed A Girl." Hilar!

Why I Love Fall...

Every third MySpace survey seems to ask "What is your favorite season?" and I always say "Fall!" Why? Well, let me tell you...

Fall is the time of year when you can curl up with a good book and a cup of hot cider or chocolate, while your hunky boyfriend wears half-zipped sweaters with nothing on underneath and bakes pumpkin-spice cookies. While the cookies cool off, the two of you take a walk in the sunny afternoon, leaves crunching under your feet as you laugh cause your scarf keeps tickling him when you kiss. In theory, this is what is great about fall.

In practice, none of that stuff has happened to me, so here is the real reasons I love fall:

FOOD! Besides the fresh pumpkin pies and apple-cranberry crisp that I always make for Thanksgiving, I also adore the local produce. "What?" you say, "Summer is the time to hit the farmer's market, not fall! Silly gay boy..." But in summer, do you have fresh pressed cider? What about huge apples and juicy pears, picked just hours before you arrived? And the beautiful pumpkins and gourds just waiting for you to take home and leave in a bowl to be decorative now, but you will really make into pumpkin pie later? Only you don't really, because seriously a can of Libby's is so much easier and smoother tasting? But the thought was there? Yeah, that's what I thought.

WEATHER! I hate to be hot, too bad I'm so smoking hawt that I raise the temperature of every room I'm in. Such a burden! But I'm not a big fan of freezing my nips off, either. So that leaves fall and spring weather to enjoy. But spring is so wet, and I can't wear canvas shoes for fear of soaked toes. Fall has the perfect temps, plus the gorgeous changing leaves in my favorite shades of orange, red and yellow. It's the only time of year I wish I was back in Potter County.

FASHION! (Put it all on me, don't you want to see these clothes on me?) Sorry, had a Montag Moment. I love fall because it's time for sweaters, sweater vests, light jackets, hoodies, scarves and hats. I hate shorts, I don't do ball caps and flip flops annoy me, so summer fashion is not my deal. And boots and heavy coats make my portly frame look even pudgier, so winter fashion is not for me, obvs! But fall is the time to throw a zip-up grey sweater over your polo and head out, or wrap a striped scarf around your neck for just a little warmth and a lot of style. And my wine-colored velveteen Dragonfly jacket with black hood (pictured at left) is fierceness personified. Ooh! I think I need this sweater right here.

So, that's why I love fall. Of course, if the opening scenario comes true, I'll like it even more...

The Killers Return With The Important Question: "Are We Human? Or Are We Dancer?"

This is from my pre-blog days, so y'all might not be aware: I fucking love The Killers' Hot Fuss. From, the dance-rock sound of "Somebody Told Me" to the brilliant synth masterpiece of "Mr. Brightside" with it's equally stunning video. So I am pleased to see the Vegas boys return to that New Wave-dusted sound after the disappointingly average heartland rocker Sam's Town. A new track is leaking on the web now, and it's a good one! "Human" sounds like the best track from the last disc, "Can You Read My Mind?" with a stronger eighties influence. It'll be gone really soon, I'm sure, so listen now while you can!

My Top Twenty: "Samson" - Regina Spektor

Song: "Samson"
Artist: Regina Spektor
Album: Begin To Hope
Year: 2006
Label: Sire
Highest Billboard Chart Position: Album Cut; Begin To Hope peaked at #19
Players: Regina Spektor - singer, songwriter, piano, co-producer; David Kahne - producer

Regina Spektor is probably crazy. She is most definitely Russian, quite probably lives in Brooklyn and is undoubtedly talented at songwriting.

I first learned of her existence through VH1, where I get a lot of my musical knowledge. "Fidelity" was a new video, and I was loving the black and white themed look, the oddly endearing vocals and the interviews in which she discussed being inspired by art and literature. I knew I needed to know this girl, find out what her music was all about. I bought Begin To Hope and have had it in heavy rotation on my car stereo ever since. It sits behind ABBA Gold and Relient K's Two Lefts Don't Make A Right... But Three Do as the longest continuous appearance in my car's CD wallet. Despite the obvious pop appeal of "Better" and "Fidelity," it was the gorgeous ballad "Samson" that had me hooked.

The lyrics of "Samson" owe a huge debt to Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" The genius re-writing of biblical story to tell a tale of heartbreak is very similar, I used both songs (the k.d. lang version of "Hallelujah") on Sweetest Downfall: A Broken Hearted Mix Tape. The mixtape's title comes from the line "You are my sweetest downfall/I loved you first" which opens the track over a simple piano. In the song, which also appears on Regina's out of print album Songs from 2002, Regina's strong voice weaves among the piano and a few strings, singing about Samson, whose hair she cut, who couldn't bring the columns down, remembering that "the history books forgot about us/and the Bible didn't mention us/not even once" Those lines stand in direct opposition to the grandiosity of "Us" a single from her major label debut Soviet Kitsch, in which she proclaims "they made a statue of us." This was a quieter love affair, one where Samson eats a slice of Wonder Bread and went back to bed.

The track was used in an episode of CSI:New York, and was an NPR "Song of The Day."

"The Remainder Of My Dreams"

In the world of music, dreams get their moment in the lyrical sun, not as much as love but more than dairy products. "Dream On" is one of the few Aerosmith songs I love, Disney has the market cornered with shit like "A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes" and isn't every American Idol coronation song about dreams coming true? (Well, except "Inside Your Heaven," I have no idea what that is about, but it sounds dirty.)

We all have dreams. We all have goals, both impossible and attainable. But those who have given up, who no longer dream a little dream, those people make me sad. So, imagine the wheels that started turning when a box arrived at work yesterday.

This is a tiny box, just 7" x 11" x 4.5". Not nearly big enough to hold my dreams, but some sad stock room worker wrote "The Remainder Of My Dreams" on the side and mailed a scrub top to my store.

I understand the feeling of loss at working a crummy retail job instead of making your Broadway debut or becoming head chef at a 5-star restaurant. As a youth, I changed dream jobs like underwear. I wanted to be a fireman, then a pastor, then a missionary, then an actor, then a singer, then an author, then a director, then a fashion designer, then a bookstore owner. You won't find Assistant Manager listed there, that never entered my dreams.

But I still hold onto my dreams, I don't box them up and ship them postage due via UPS! I still want to start a family; to have six-pack abs; to write a novel; to write for Blender; to live in London; to sleep with Justin Timberlake; to be on Oprah discussing my novel, my love/hate relationship with Oxford commas, and sleeping with Justin. I doubt all of my dreams will come true, but a boy can still dream!

I'm sure I'm reading way too much into a note scrawled on the side of a cardboard box. Maybe so many of this person's dreams have come true, there is a only a tiny remainder. ("I already have twelve billion in savings, married a Backstreet Boy and just sold another screenplay. I just have to climb Everest and build a time machine, then all my dreams have come true.") Maybe it's a joke, one that I "had to be there" for. But it reminded me I still have a lot of dreams left to come true. Some day my prince will come, my ship will come in and I'll get a call from Oprah's people, but for now I'll just dream big.

Speaking of dreams, did I tell you I had one the other night where David Beckham wanted me to go down on him? And I turned him down, cause he has a wife and kids? Even in my dreams my morals get in the way! (He was fine as hell, though. As usual...)

Review: The Ting Tings - "We Started Nothing"

Think classic White Stripes with a chick singer. That raw, riveting bass 'n' drum kick, perfect for quick cuts in iPod commercials. With plenty of beats to spare, The Ting Tings don't really need anything else, right?

With various other alternative bands as influence, We Started Nothing reads like a greatest hits of college rock. Ripping off Nirvana for the guitar riff on the opening of the title track, Spoon for background vocals at the end of "That's Not My Name" and Chic (OK, not an alternative band!) for the beat on the VMA-nominated "Shut Up And Let Me Go" is a great way to keep me entertained, though. They should skip the attempts at slow jams like "Traffic Light" that quickly turn mawkish. But the album does have a couple of few funky-fresh tracks to throw on your next party play list.