"The Remainder Of My Dreams"

In the world of music, dreams get their moment in the lyrical sun, not as much as love but more than dairy products. "Dream On" is one of the few Aerosmith songs I love, Disney has the market cornered with shit like "A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes" and isn't every American Idol coronation song about dreams coming true? (Well, except "Inside Your Heaven," I have no idea what that is about, but it sounds dirty.)

We all have dreams. We all have goals, both impossible and attainable. But those who have given up, who no longer dream a little dream, those people make me sad. So, imagine the wheels that started turning when a box arrived at work yesterday.

This is a tiny box, just 7" x 11" x 4.5". Not nearly big enough to hold my dreams, but some sad stock room worker wrote "The Remainder Of My Dreams" on the side and mailed a scrub top to my store.

I understand the feeling of loss at working a crummy retail job instead of making your Broadway debut or becoming head chef at a 5-star restaurant. As a youth, I changed dream jobs like underwear. I wanted to be a fireman, then a pastor, then a missionary, then an actor, then a singer, then an author, then a director, then a fashion designer, then a bookstore owner. You won't find Assistant Manager listed there, that never entered my dreams.

But I still hold onto my dreams, I don't box them up and ship them postage due via UPS! I still want to start a family; to have six-pack abs; to write a novel; to write for Blender; to live in London; to sleep with Justin Timberlake; to be on Oprah discussing my novel, my love/hate relationship with Oxford commas, and sleeping with Justin. I doubt all of my dreams will come true, but a boy can still dream!

I'm sure I'm reading way too much into a note scrawled on the side of a cardboard box. Maybe so many of this person's dreams have come true, there is a only a tiny remainder. ("I already have twelve billion in savings, married a Backstreet Boy and just sold another screenplay. I just have to climb Everest and build a time machine, then all my dreams have come true.") Maybe it's a joke, one that I "had to be there" for. But it reminded me I still have a lot of dreams left to come true. Some day my prince will come, my ship will come in and I'll get a call from Oprah's people, but for now I'll just dream big.

Speaking of dreams, did I tell you I had one the other night where David Beckham wanted me to go down on him? And I turned him down, cause he has a wife and kids? Even in my dreams my morals get in the way! (He was fine as hell, though. As usual...)