Review: Kelly Clarkson - "All I Ever Wanted" DELUXE EDITON

I've had the new Kelly Clarkson album for several days. I haven't had time to blog about it since I've been really sick all week. Which is just as well, as my feelings have changed drastically since the first listen.

I listened to All I Ever Wanted the whole way through on Wednesday in my car, where my CDs spend the early days of their lives, and I was not impressed. To be honest, I hated it. It sounded disjointed, my mind raced to compare it to the superior My December,and All I Ever Wanted comes up quite short in that comparison. The ballads "If No One Will Listen" and "Cry" are quite boring, nothing like Kelly's masterpieces "Because Of You" and "Irvine." There doesn't seem to be the instantly catchy singles like Breakaway, but there was a song or two that I wanted to hear again, so I kept the album in rotation. I still don't think it's a perfect album, but it has flashes of brilliance. Like the opening verse of "Long Shot" - a mashup of classical movements and electric guitars. Or the ballsy punk track "Whyyouwannabringmedown" which is completely out of place on this album but is still an incredibly fun song sung with buckets of sass. And the Duffy-esque "I Want You" also appears to have crawled off another, more interesting album. But of the songs that were hand-picked to be singles, opener "My Life Would Suck Without You" is the obvious best, the title track is also slinky funk-pop jam with radio written all over it. The two bonus tracks on the Deluxe edition are probably better rock/pop hybrid songs than the singles front loaded on the album, swap out "Tip Of My Tongue" for "I Do Not Hook Up" and you've got a better shaped disc.

But the centerpiece of the album are the songs Kelly co-wrote with One Republic front man Ryan Tedder, the beautifully drum-heavy "Already Gone" (which reminds me of Ryan's single for Beyonce "Halo") and the rapid-fire new wave jams "If I Can't Have You" and "Impossible" - proof that if Kelly had the right producer/co-writer team she could have written a whole album herself and made it both commercial viable and artistically cohesive.

In the end, Kelly can sing anything and make it awesome. Luckily some of the material provided for her on All I Ever Wanted is worthy of her.

American Idol Recap: It's Only Human Nature...

Our Idols opened the extensive Micheal Jackson songbook and managed to pull some good performances, some bad ones and one I can't figure out which column to put in.

Lil Rounds started the night out with a high energy "The Way You Make Me Feel" complete with powerful vocals. She didn't have an emotional connection with the song, but it wasn't really required.

I have one question for Scott MacIntyre: who did your hair? The Phil Spector 'fro was not a hot look, and I know he can't see it but we can! The song, some feel-good dreck called "Keep The Faith," was schmaltzy and the vocals were uninspired.

Danny Gokey. I don't know what to say. I thought his version of "P.Y.T" was just awful, almost painfully so. But not only did the judges have a collective orgasm after it, my aunt texted me in a flutter, too. I thought it was shouty, his voice was strangled and his jacket is horrible. I watched it second time, thinking I missed something, but I still hate it.

On the ballad "You Are Not Alone" Micheal Sarver really showed his fantastic, smooth voice. He always backs it up with passion and soul, this was a really lovely controlled performance.

Jasmine Murray's "I'll Be There" was really boring, and a little pitchy. She still hasn't given me anything to work with.

I don't know the song Kris Allen chose, "Remember The Time." It doesn't matter. He bounced around the mic stand, acoustic guitar in hand, and into my heart. He is strangely charismatic, he's not an out sized personality like Adam or Danny but he draws you in with his voice and his aw-shucks manners.

Allison Iraheta's version of "Give Into Me" was smoky and raw, just like always. She has this ridiculous amount of stage presence, like she's been fronting hair metal bands for years. The way she tears into the chorus is so effortless and cool, I love her.

Anoop Desai made the dumbest choice of the night, doing "Beat It" without any power in his vocals or swagger in his step. You can't do "Beat It" unless you're going to roar, and he didn't even mew.

I had high hopes for Jorge Nunez, I thought he could do a good job with "Never Can Say Goodbye." It was sweet and clean and really boring. I don't think he's in danger, but he needs to step up his game.

Megan Joy Corkrey is so very odd, and "Rockin' Robin" is an odd song. But they aren't odd in the same way, and I don't have words for what it sounded like. It wasn't unpleasant, but it wasn't good. I dunno, she needs to find a song that she can fit her weird voice into, cause that was not it.

Speaking of weird voices, Adam Lambert's wild vocals did fit into "Black And White" perfectly. His over-the-top vocal power and dynamic stage presence are astounding!

Matt Giraurd looked so cool sitting behind the piano for "Human Nature" and his vocals were as smooth as pulp-free OJ. He better keep this up!

Alexis Grace! Is! On! Fire! She is just a lil' firecracker, her "Dirty Diana" was a lesson in insanity. She looked like Ain't No Other Man-era Xtina, and sounded like her (sans the runs.) The judges may have thought she over sung it, but I think she brought enough attitude to cover a multitude of sins.

Idol's Top 13 Perform Tonight, Who Stays, Who Goes and Who Goes All The Way?

OK, ladies and Norman Gentles, it's on like mutha-funking Donkey Kong! America separated the wheat from the chaff, and our first ever Top 13 American Idols hit the telly in just minutes. It's a bit of a sausage fest this season (and you know that's how I like it) but a couple of the ladies are in it to win it, too. Who am I loving so far, and who should hit the seal like PETA's worst nightmare? This... is American Idol!

Let's start with the boys, shall we?

Michael Sarver has that lovable lunkhead thing happening, and he's seems like such a sweet family man. He has a nice voice, he looks like he should be singing country but he has a more R&B vocal style. His aw-shucks persona will win him votes, the same voting bloc that took Josh Gracin to the top 5 will love him. I haven't heard anything to wow me yet, and I think he's gonna have to take a risk (maybe a lesser known soul song like "Ooh Child") to do that.

I don't think the judges know what they want from Jorge Nunez. I love the fact we have a true Latin American Idol contestant, and that he sings with such passion and emotion. They keep confusing him with "lose the accent, no keep the accent" instead of realizing that music fans don't care what the accent is, as long as it's real. I would love to hear him tear into a tender ballad like "Time After Time" or introduce us to something he loves from Puerto Rico. The only question is - will America vote for him? We might be finally ready for a black president, but are we ready for a Puerto Rican Idol? I've heard from white Idol fans who didn't think Fantasia represented "our" music, what will they think of someone who "wasn't even born here?" OK, end rant.

Oh, child. I cannot forget my future baby daddy Danny Gokey! Mm, that man is just so hot. The problem I have with him (which will not affect his chances of making top three, for sure) is pretty stupid. He has like six pairs of glasses, including some with logos on them that the producers have to clear before airing. Now, I'm a label queen. If I had the cash money to plunk down on some D&G's to frame my peepers, I'd be all over them like white on rice. But he's a church music minister, and runs a charity named for his late wife. I know it's petty, but why does someone need that many glasses, especially trendy one like he wears? Too each his own, though... But his voice is gritty and his stage presence keeps improving. I just wish he would pull out something a little less "inspirational" and tries to have fun with music. Try some "Bicycle Race" or something.

Scott MacIntyre is such an inspiration to us all, I can't believe he's blind and can sing! Someone should tell Stevie Wonder to try that out. OK, I made that more bitterly sarcastic than I probably should have. He's got a decent voice, but I'm not nearly as enthusiastic as the judges have been. His song choices are also a little sleepy, he needs to rock something behind the piano. But make it fun. Why am I thinking "Guilty" by Barbara Streisand and Barry Gibb? Silly question, I'm always thinking "Guilty" by Babs and the Bee Gee. Cause it's awesome! Seriously, though. Scotty should totally be trying it. He'll stick around for a while but he's not the lock for the win I thought he was.

Adam Lambert is a theatre geek like Constantine. But with way better hair! He kinda rocks, but he needs to wear a little of the polish off and really go for the gusto. It often seems too rehearsed. The test of his grit? Try "Gimme Shelter" - it separates the men from the boys. He's totally top five, though.

Matt Giraud is basically Elliot Yamin 2.0. Which could be cool, as long as he avoids doing the same songs Elliot did. So far, he's failed. I would love to hear some "Your Song" by Elton John from Matt, I think it could be awesome. If he doesn't pull something hot out he'll be gone in couple of weeks.

Who is Kris Allen again? He's really cute, in a squeaky clean kind of way, but I'll be darned if I can remember anything he's sung so far. He better bring a Memorex-worthy performance tonight or he is gone, daddy, gone. Hmm, maybe he should try that song?

Anoop! Anoop Dogg is in the house! He's a goofy and fun, while maintaining some level of vocal talent. But if he sings "My Prerogative" one more time I will cut him. Have some originality, man! I loved "Angel Of Mine" - and I think another light R&B song is the way to go. "Cry Me A River" maybe?

Hey ladies! Don't think I forgot about you!

Lil Rounds is the obvious front runner. No one has shown such grace and charisma and polished professionalism. But American loves a growth arc, and she can't get much better. She needs to bring it every week, starting with another out of the park diva moment. Do "Bleeding Love" - I dare you. Lil has the power, and Simon can't really make a crack about the wrong song.

Alexis Grace has been compared to Kelly Clarkson, and I still don't see it. Yet. She does have great vocal power, if she picks the right songs she could make it to the top five. Prove the Kelly analogy correct and do "Never Again" And stop listening to the whores on the panel and don't worry about dirtying yourself up. You are fab as is, child.

Jasmine Murray is cute as a button, but I don't see her making it past the first week or two. If she steps up her game, maybe, but she needs to really power into a pop/rock song and avoid crossing Lil's demographic. I would suggest "Who Knew" by Pink.

Megan Joy is not going to win. She has a strange vocal ability, but I can't decide if it's good weird or bad. If she pulls a Regina Spektor song out of her pocket, I will love her though. Can't say the same for America.

Finally, Allison Irahta! She has the voice like a wild animal, just raw and rangy with more rasp than any teen girl should have. I would love to hear her tear into a emotional torch song like "Last Request" by Paulo Nutini, and if she avoids being cliched with her rock choices she could push her way into the top five.

Oh Snap! Robyn's Hooking Up With Röyksopp For New Single

Y'all know I love Robyn, right? I've only posted about her at least once a month since I started blogging, because she is awesome in every way, shape and form. She joins her Scandinavian pop sisterhood, Lykke Li, Anneli Drecker and Karin Dreijer in providing vocals for Norwegian duo Röyksopp's new disc Junior out at the month.

The second single from that album arrived at Stereogum today, "The Girl And The Robot" features Robyn and what sounds like a Human League sample. The dark and dense electronic sounds almost bury Little Miss Powerhouse's vocals, but the dance floor beat accents the obsessive lyrics perfectly. Listen:

American Idol Recap: I Guess That's Why They Call It The Suckiness

This week had a few better performances than last, but I'm still quite disappointed with the pool of talent this year! We need to get to top twelve week so we can have stylists and mentors and themes besides "How Much Can You Suck" week.

Starting us off is one of the thousand ambiguously gay contestants this year. Von Smith has an OK voice, I didn't think it was powerful enough to do Marvin Gaye's "You're All I Need To Get By" but judges sure loved it. I think he was really trying not to be shouty and the control caused him to be a little underwhelming. And Simon was right about his outfit, you can't wear the matching brown pants to your suit jacket with sneakers and a tee-shirt. You swap those babies out for a pair of jeans and you have a modern look. It may be played out, but it's a good look.

Taylor ViaFauna sang "If I Ain't Got You" - one of my favorites songs of all time. Not only did she make a poor attempt at switching up some of the phrasing, but she didn't have the power or range to perform a song like this. Since I didn't have any recollection of who she was, I wasn't that disappointed by her performance.

Oh, Alex! Yet another ambiguously gay boy, this time with the pretentious last name of Wagner-Trugman. He was an adorkable little goofball last time I saw him, so I wanted to love his performance of "I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues. Also, the thought of a weekly dose of awkward-yet-homoerotic banter about work outs between Alex and Ryan was quite sweet. But alas, he tried to get all tortured and gritty with the song and it just came out strangled and sick-sounding. He's so much fun, and I loved the way he avoided the gender issue by mentioned his "long distance relationship." Dude, you're 19. Ditch the balls and chain and have some fun in Hollywood!

Oh gawd. Arriane Afsar has me so pissed off when she tried to make an "old song" (her words) contemporary. She did ABBA's brilliant "The Winner Takes It All" but sped it way up to fit the time constraints the show puts on the contestants. The problem is that "Winner" is stunning because of the slow build and you really can't do it the way she did. The vocals were jumping all over the melody, and that made it even worse.

Can I just say I love Ju'not Joyner right now? He took the Plain White T's song "Hey There Delilah" and gave it soul and smoothness. It reminder me of Luther Vandross's version of "Superstar" - not an improvement, just a new interpretation of a very white bread song.

I couldn't remember anything about Kristin McNamara's vocals, just that she was part of the group day meltdown with the other two crazies. So girlfriend needs to be hooking me up with some crazy or I will be disappointed. She does some Tracy Chapman, in a somewhat country-blues kind of way. I liked it, and I hate how the judges were trying to make her sing Kelly Clarkson-esque songs. Because I love Kelly, and I am OK with Kristin, but the two don't gel as well as the judges seem to think.

Here is one more portion of Group Meltdown, super-gay Nathaniel Marshall. He's going to do Meatloaf (of course!) and he's going to suck at it. Not quite suck, he doesn't have the vocal power that the 'Loaf possesses but he does have the attitude. Is that enough? I kinda love him in a little-brother-I-never-had kind of way. And he's so funny, and his interaction with Simon, Kara and Ryan needs to be turned into a web series right away.

Felicia Barton is the girl who almost got away. The girl has some pipes, I will say that, but she has a some weird phrasing. I generally liked her take on "No One" by Alica Keys, but I don't think it was that special.

And now we come to the emotional part of the night. Scott MacIntyre is blind? What, why didn't anyone tell me? Maybe they should mention that a little more. He's overcome so much, such an inspiration. Bleh. Sorry, I couldn't do it anymore. His vocal were better than I expected, but the awful song he picked, "Mandolin Rain" was exactly the kind of mawkish Lite FM shit I hate.

Kendall Beard is a country girl in a fabulous yellow dress with a corsage tied at the waist. It's kinda fierce, and I wrote that before Paula said anything. She didn't bring anything new to Martina McBride's "This One's For The Girls" and she did seem shrill in chorus. But the country fans may get her into the top twelve, she is very Carrie Underwood.

Ooh, I'm kinda loving Jorge Nunez. He has a lot of emotional power in his voice, and he has great stage presence. He did Elton John's "Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me" and killed it. But didn't Kara seem a little gleeful that she made Jorge and Paula cry? She seemed to get this big grin when his cheeks got wet.

We close with Lil Rounds, as we should. She is a ball of R'n'B energy! Nothing new was brought to "Be Without You" but she didn't need to. Just with her vocals and incredible stage work, she will sail into the top 12, and probably a lot further. We always need a diva, and I think found this year's.

I'm figuring on Lil Rounds as the lady, Scott MacIntyre and the man and either Jorge or Ju'Not as the other one. I guess we'll find out tonight!

David Cook LIVE! At Dickinson College

Last night, I saw the Man Of My Dream, the current Idol champ, the Word Nerd himself - David Cook. The blistering rock show took place at Dickinson College before a sold out crowd, with Ryan Star as opening act.

Ryan was a perfect opening act, his modern rock sound a perfect match for my beloved Cookie. I knew his closing song, "Back Of Your Car" (and it's sexy opening line "It's the perfect time of night to be taking off your clothes now") from his stint on CBS's Rock Star: Supernova so had high hopes that he would have the same energy level as he did then. My hopes were exceeded, every song bristled with rock star swagger and oozed sex appeal. From the opening rock anthem "Brand New Day" to the humorous "Psycho Suicidal Girl" with it's acoustic opening verse and chorus that opened into a cavalcade of electric guitars and drum to the emotion-drenched love song "Last Train Home" with a great drum beat, every song was rock n roll at it's finest. Speaking of finest, Ryan may even be as hot as David. Compare and contrast:

After the short set from Ryan Star and his band we were treated to a really hot roadie/tech in plaid with great hair and glasses and beard (and a bunch of normal looking ones) setting up for the David Cook show. Seriously, if that hot roadie/tech is reading... call me.

Then David and band enter the stage to "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley. Don't ask why, it was just cool as fuck. Just like David... He opened the set with "Heroes" and started a recurring theme of sounding amazing live when he just sounded decent on CD. You may recall that I was annoyed at the mix on the CD, the vocals seemed buried in the instrumentation. But live, Cook's vocals were strong and clear.

The band was tight, providing two back up guitars, a bass, occasional keyboards and drums. David played guitar on most of the songs, which included a track from his unreleased Axiom Heart disc as well as "Life On The Moon," "Mr. Sensitive" and new single "Come Back to Me." The early stand out songs were the hidden track "Kiss On The Neck" which roared like a beast and current single "Light On" but there were no bad songs in the bunch. A heavy rock cover of Fleetwood Mac's "Little Lies" was the only nod to his American Idol past, I was hoping for "Always Be My Baby" but it would not have fit well with the very strong modern rock vibe that the show provided. Ending the set was another cover dedicated to the teachers in the audience - a cover of "Hot For Teacher" which was loud as hell but got the crowd moving. For an encore, the drummer return with a striking drum solo before the band launched into the heaviest song on the record, and new rock radio single, "Bar-Ba-Sol" and finally shut the show down with "A Daily AntheM" which had the crowd waving and singing the "oh, oh, oh, oh" from the end for a long time.

All in all, the show was tight, David's banter with the crowd and his band members was easy-going and endearing and the music rocked my socks off. Even if he wasn't fine as frog's hair I'd probably still have had a great time. And at only 15 bucks, it was totally worth it. David Cook with opening act Ryan Star is currently touring, check out the dates at his website.

PS: American Idol Recap coming this afternoon/evening!

Read This! - "Chasing Adonis: Gay Men and the Pursuit of Perfection" by Tim Bergling

Chasing Adonis is Tim Bergling's third non-fiction piece on gay men, released in 2007. I have not read his two prior titles, Reeling In The Years: Gay Men's Perspectives on Age and Ageism and Sissyphobia: Gay Men and Effeminate Behavior, but after finishing Chasing Adonis: Gay Men and the Pursuit of Perfection, I am quite interested in acquiring those volumes.

Utilizing information from an online poll, survey and interviews with gay men from all walks of life, Bergling uncovers the truth we all know but don't always like to admit. Men are visual creatures, and we all have ideas as to what visual perfection looks like. The author explores the different sources that influence our desires, from early exposure to hot men in ads. You know the ones I'm talking about. No? Perhaps I'll refresh your memories...

No that we've a little hottie break, let's get back to the book! Tim Bergling provides anecdotes from a variety of men who like men and what they like about men. About what happens when men watch porn or act in porn; and those both performing and observing at the strip club. About the men we fell in love with as kids and the men we fall in love with now. (Psst, they're the same men!) About the boys in the gym, and those who love them... and those that hate them. About body image issues, about the bears vs the twinks vs the muscle queens. A lot of raw data, with an astonishing lack of filter. Despite the fact that Tim's picture presents him as good looking guy with a fit body, he doesn't come off with an agenda of proving that better looking guys are better people. Or worse people, for that matter.

I have a bad habit of believing in a "douche/hotness" scale. I've always felt that the hotter the guy, the more of a douche he would be. Which is totally wrong, because I don't know any really hot guys well enough to make that determination. How can I tell if they are douchey if I never really get to know them? I work retail so I've met a lot of different guys, at least for a few minutes. And while I've had my share of douchey male customers with hot bodies, there have been just as many average guys and gals that have been total twatwaffles.

Chasing Adonis is a light read, no heavy psychobabble or dry statistics. Just a bunch of gay gays doing what they do best: talking about other guys. I recommend it.

Chasing Adonis: Gay Men and the Pursuit of Perfection is published by Harrington Park Press and is available now.