When I hear the word of God's Holy Spirit used to beat down the children of God, it bothers me. Deeply. God is love; St. Johns' first letter tells us this. Why do we feel the need to hate those who don't do things the same way, do not worship in the same way?
Because we are not yet made holy. People are born with evil in their hearts; this I also believe. We must choose to seek the good that God has also placed in our hearts and follow that.
After laying that bit of spiritual groundwork, I want to get to the pop culture portion of today's post. A few weeks ago, one time Christian rock singer Jennifer Knapp came out of the closet with an editorial on CNN's website and an interview with Larry King. It's fascinating, as Knapp is only second well-known Christian singer to come out as a homosexual after a career in the CCM genre.
Her hits include "Undo Me", "Romans" and "A Little More" Knapp's major label debut Kansas was certified Gold and it's follow up The Way I Am was nominated for a Grammy.
Jennifer doesn't put on any airs in her piece on Larry King Live. She comes across as a young woman with a deep spirituality who did just as I did - questioned, questioned, questioned. When you want to live a life full of spiritual pureness, you cannot just accept that something condemed by churches for so long is right just because it "feels right." Her "Take" appears on CNN's Belief Blog (read it here) She talks about her spiritual quest in a very adult way, including her fears: "I questioned whether my faith had betrayed me, or I if had a betrayed my faith." It's deep and beautiful.
I personally find a deeper connection to her music, which I loved as teenager, knowing what her struggle was. "Whole Again" takes on a new meaning:
If I give my life, if I lay it down Can you turn this life around, around Can I be made clean By this offering of my soul? Can I be made whole again?
Can we be made whole? Even in our brokenness, even in these hate-filled days and this selfish world? Is wholeness a real thing? And am I deceiving myself that God, who declared that Jesus made all things clean in a vision to St Peter, can give me a wholeness and a holiness I truly don't deserve?
Only in heaven will we know.
2 comments:
So well expressed Paul... Love ya!
Aunt Deb
Dude, you can be made whole. If you work at it. It's a lifetime's work. Sister Jenn workin' it, so can you. 'Course she started out by completely burning out, completely shutting down the most sacred part of herself - music, and parking her behind in her personal desert. Learn from her example so you don't end up re-inventing the wheel.
That's why she's sharing her deeply personal journey, I think. It takes a lifetime to become whole, but that's the challenge isn't it ... to arrive screeching, panting and sweaty at the Golden Gates w/ a list lifetime long of the ways you worked to become whole.
I, for one, intend to show up to Judgment w/ that list in hand, and I don't think, not for a moment that I'll be stuck w/ the Dick Cheney's of the afterlife. I'll be in there w/ family, friends, and mentors.
And if I get really lucky, maybe Ms. Knapp will show up w/ her favorite Taylor 810 and rock us out to "Undo Me."
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