What Had Happened Was... (Or; Why You Didn't Get A Blog Post Yesterday)

People of teh Internets, listen up! I have not forgotten you, I know my new found personal life has kept me from being as prolific as usual, but it has resulted in an epic tale I must relay.

Yesterday, I slept in really late like one does on a day off with nothing planned. I awoke, watched some Alexa Chung and checked my Facebook. My boyfriend was supposed to be working from six to four, so I was surprised to see he was Facebooking at eleven in the morning.

I texted to find out what's up. I knew his job at a local warehouse had been sending people home early (without pay!) and was worried it was happening again. My phone was acting all hinky, not letting the text go so I turned it off and back on. I received a bunch of texts from all hours of the morning, my phone had been not getting the texts for hours. My sexykins had texted me twice, I never got either.

He had been sent home early, and since a friend had suggested applying at his workplace I checked out the website. I downloaded the application, printed it and some directions from the BF's house and called him to see if he wanted to go apply. The position was in the food service area at a retirement community which shares it's name with a local college. This is important.

I see that I have about three hours before the Human Resources office closes, so I dress and get in my car. It's a 40 minute drive to my sexykins place, so I exceed the speed limit almost every time I head over there. This time was no exception.

The exception was the police officer that started following me. I noticed him, noticed the 20 MPH difference between the limit and my speedometer and slowed down. Too late, the red and blue start flashing and I'm sitting on the side of 81 with a $109 ticket in my hand. What a waste of ten minutes!

So I follow posted traffic laws and make it to my destination without any further incident. We have about two hours to get the application filled out and get started on the Google Earth directions to M------ Village. The boyfriend thinks he knows a faster way, so I follow his directions. We arrive in just twenty minutes at Bethany Village. Not the same place!

I try to maintain my composure and pull out my directions. If we get to route 15 we can follow the directions I printed and continue on our path. Only twenty minutes wasted, we still have over an hour to get there. We hop on 15 North, only to realize very quickly that we must be past the exit on the Google map. I get off 15 and discover that the exit to get on 15 South is backed up due to traffic. Shit! BF knows a round about way to get on 15 further down, so we head out again.

We don't get too far when a train crossing stops us dead. By this time I have some Marianne Faithfull tunes on to quell the frustrations and I'm singing along. I am trying to breath slowing and not freak out about the delay when THE FUCKING TRAIN STOPS! OH MY FUCKING GOD WHAT THE FUCK ELSE CAN GO WRONG?

Not the sort of question should ask on a day like this. We make a U-turn and head further down the road. We hit a few traffic lights, and at one of the my car stalls out. WHAT THE FUCK? I breath in, turn the car off. I give it a little pat on the dashboard, murmur something about how nice this car is to me and turn it back on. It roars to life. JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL!

We finally make it on 15 and get off on the exit the directions tell us. We drive for a while and realize the next road listed isn't anywhere to be found. I stop at a Sheetz and wait as the manager listens to some old dude yammer on about some complaint that didn't make any sense. Finally I get a chance to ask him if he knows how to get to M------- Village. He gives me fairly clear directions and we head out.

We thought we found the road from the Google directions and veer off to try to follow it. It's wrong, so we head back to the Sheetz dude's directions. We make it to where there were supposed to be signs for M------- Village and instead find signs for M------- COLLEGE! Sweet baby Jesus, can this day get any worse?

By this point we had reached the time when the HR office closed for the day. But I was not about to give up! There had to be a receptionist, a head nurse, a frakkin' janitor we could give the application to. We drove back down the last road that we had found that was still on the printed directions. A sign on the side of the road mentioned a pumpkin festival hosted by the retirement community. I assumed that the Village must be around somewhere.

We pull onto the road by the sign and quickly find arrows directing us to the Village. We follow the arrows, only to discover that "Village" is not just a name. This retirement community is basically a giant development full of small houses and twisting roads. At it's heart is a massive hospital-style building. We assume this is where the HR office would be found.

But which of it's SEVEN entrances would it be found near. We try the nearest one. Sweet action! It has a sign directing us to Human Resources. We follow the arrow to... a series of unmarked, locked doors. Never mind, we knew no one would be in HR this late. The office had been closed for about twenty-five minutes by this point. We try each entrance in succession. One lead to a physical rehab center, one seemed like residential areas. The next took us to a closed door and an empty hallway. Finally, on the sixth entrance we find a cafeteria, and one of the staff was kind enough to lead us to the final entrance where a receptionist happily accept my boyfriend's application.

Let's hope the interview process isn't as exhausting.