As much as I love Original Flavor American Idol Winner Kelly Clarkson (and her fab new single) I always look forward the new seasons. Why? Three reasons: finding new artists to obsess over, finding new hot guys to obsess over and Television Without Pity's hilarious recaps.
Since I will never come close to Jacob and Joe R.'s brilliantly funny and detailed recaps of AI episodes, I won't attempt the same thing. I will be doing the recaps for the top 24 and up performance nights, like I did last year, because I do love that. And I will be discussing the highlights (read: hot guys) of episodes also. So, let's talk Idol my chilrens!
First: hot dudes. Every year since I started watching in season three I've always had a massive crush on one or more Idol hopeful. From JPL to A-Fed to DAUGHTRY to Beatboxing Blake to My Beloved Cookie, I always find a guy to drool over I doubt this year will be any different. Let's examine the possible candidates for Paul's Idol Crush '09.
First, oil rig roughneck Michael Sarver. God, he is one hunk of hot white trash. I do love that good ol' boy thing. He sang a song I didn't recognize by Boyz II Men, but with a southern rock/country voice. Yeah, his voice is pretty good but I need to see him without his shirt so I know what I'm voting for. I'm so bad!
I'm thinking we may have another Danny Noriega on our hands with horror fan Cody. Only 17, so he's got the angsty emo boy thing going. Hopefully he keeps up the good vocals and doesn't have Danny's 'tude problem.
But I think I've found my long-lasting Idol Crush: Alex Wagner-Trugman. He's only 19 so I will try to keep myself in check, but he's so deadpan funny and smart and actually has an interesting voice that stayed in pitch. Reminds me of a male Joss Stone. I might be in love. He could do something better with his hair, it's true, but he snarks back at Simon without being ass-hatty. He taught himself to sing in a closet, only that closet had mold in him that made him sick. Simon makes a "out of the closet" joke and Alex just rolls with it.
And while Scott MacIntyre was pretty cute, I had my fill of "heartwarming struggles with personal problems" in my crushes when I was drooling over Anthony Federov. Yeah, Scott, you're blind. And yeah, I'd totally bang you backstage at Idol Gives Back. But you can't win me over that easily with a sob story. Of course, that London Underground t-shirt might win me over. I will have to see.
Let's talk about the guys we'll never see again. Unless they audition next year. Like Tuan Nguyen who had a crazy hot 'fro. Don't ask, I have a 'fro fetish. His Micheal Jackson cover was pretty bad, but his tap dancing was worse. Cute will only get you so far. And Randy Madden, how I wanted you to be good. You had that need for approval thing that I so relate to. But your voice, even when you tried rocking out more, was soft at the edges. That just ain't rock. I also wanted Elijah and his deeper-than-deep voice to be brilliant because I need a new sexy baritone voice for my iPod. But he couldn't hit any notes in his song.
Of course it's not all man crushes in this mutha, some of the girls brought the heat. Despite looking like a virginal Suicide Girl, Emily Wynne-Hughes sounded great doing Heart's "Baracudda" Plus her man friend (husband?) is hot. I know! I can't turn it off, I can have a one track mind sometimes. Moving on... While I wasn't as blown away as the judges over 16-year-old Arianna's audition, I liked her charity work with the elderly. I'm a big ol' softie when it comes to the elderly. And sweet Brianna is 22 and a grown up version of my gurlfran/GFF Shannan, all vivaciousness and cuteness. And she calls Simon "Simie" which is my new name for him from now on.
Oh, and can we discuss Bikini Girl? I'm not going to bother with her name, because the fab new judge Kara DioGuardi said it best: it's top and bottom. Oh! Snap! She wasn't bad, which was my hope, but she was a bit soulless doing "Vision Of Love" BUT SHE MADE IT THROUGH, Y'ALL! I am almost certain Simie and Randy were not using the correct head to think with, but it provided some great cat fighting between the female judges and Katrina. The zinger? "Next time, just come naked." YES! I think I love Kara almost as much as Simon. And then... AND THEN! Bikini Girl tries to kiss Ryan Seacrest. As if he's interested! For the record, I don't really think Ryan is gay, I'm pretty sure he's asexual. He's so plastic and over rehearsed I doubt he has any interest in the sweaty mechanics of sex or making out. I could be wrong, in which case: Call me, Ryan!
In closing, I am stoked for this season of Idol! See you later this week with more Idolatry as the gang judges the peeps of Kansas City, hometown of My Beloved Cookie, tonight.
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