It's just a little something I whipped up for my friends and family, and now you get to enjoy it too! Please enjoy this frothy bit of fiction, The Pick Up Line.
“Cindy, you’re gonna laugh at me, but for once I want some cute guy to use some cheesy pickup line on me. Something like ‘Do fries come with that shake?’ so I can respond in kind.” I said with a sigh.
“What would you say?” Cindy had a permanent smirk on her face, but as her best friend I could tell when she was really amused and when she just smiled to cover her intense boredom from the rest of the world. Like now, she knew I was about to something at least mildly amusing from my place in her bean bag chair.
“I dunno, maybe ‘For you, honey, the whole happy meal?’”
“That’s great! That is classic. It returns the interest in the same form it was given. Now you just need someone to use that line.” She rolled over on her bed so her eyes met mine. “Too bad only cheesy guys use cheesy lines.”
“What’s wrong with cheesy guys? At least they have the gumption to say something when they are interested Not like the emo boys who write poetry clearly aimed at someone in class, but never actually talk to the girl in question. Or like the jocks who think a simple ‘Sup?’ and a flex of their biceps will get them out of any pre-sex conversations.”
“Don’t knock it, it seems to work.”
“Not on me. I want someone to make me laugh, someone to have conversations with. Not someone who wants me to polish his muscles for him.”
A loud guffaw came from the bed. Cindy‘s laughs are always loud. It fits her, she is larger than life. Not just in size, but in attitude and charisma. Every girl wanted to be her friend, even the Barbie-clones on the cheer squad. She knew it all, and like a teen Ann Landers she doled out advice to every heartbroken freshman and rash-prone senior.
“To which muscle are you referring? Never mind, I’ll get my mind out of the gutter. You are never going to get a date to the winter formal with that kind of prejudiced attitude. Haven’t you learned anything from Elizabeth Bennett’s mistakes? Your Mr. Darcy could be on the wrestling team and you’re pining after an imaginary dude with a porn-stache and leisure suit.”
“He doesn’t have to dress cheesy! He can have good taste in clothes, and amusing taste in pick-up lines.”
“I don’t know about that.”
A stuffed rabbit sailed from my corner to her bed. Cindy jumped up to grab a pillow before gasping.
“We’re gonna be late if we don’t go now!”
I grabbed my blue polyester smock with a gold -colored plastic nametag announcing to the world that I’m Here To Serve and we both took the steps two at a time and dashed out the door to Cindy’s van.
Luck, and traffic, were on our side. We got to the store with eight minutes to spare, which gave me time to check my hair in the cracked mirror in the break room.
“Hey, cheesy child, why worry about your hair? You know you’ll have a Santa hat on your head faster than Barbra can sing ‘Jingle Bells’”
“True that, sister, true that.”
I popped the red and white chapeau on my unnaturally red hair and gave my widest grin. “What guy can resist a Santa hat and cheese ball grin.”
“All of them.”
I swatted her, and missed.
Cindy and I keep busy between holiday shoppers, organizing shoe care kits in lines and decorating a Stocking Stuffers! sign with bows.
“What would you do if your mom put a can of shoe polish in your stocking?” I questioned Cindy.
“Move!” she replied with a laugh. “I mean socks are one thing, but shoe horns? No thanks.”
“But it’s a red shoe horn! So festive.” I raised one to each ear, mimicking earrings. Cindy chuckled nervously and her real smirk was replaced with her fake one. I turned around.
“Festive, indeed. To bad they’re not red and green, they’d be even more Christmasy,” spoke the man of my dreams. His dark hair fell in waves of controlled chaos and the stubble on his cheeks framed his perfectly kissable lips. He was wearing an chocolate, red and cream argyle sweater over dark wash jeans, a crisp white shirt collar peeking out around his neck. His shoes were the same brown as his shirt, and his eyes.
It may sound silly to you, but that is important to me. Even before I started working at Shoe Choice I knew that not matching your shoes to your outfit shows disregard for important details. Not just details in fashion, but in life.
“Too bad,” I said quietly.
“Do you have dress shoes with leather soles? I need them for a dance.”
“Yes, but we only have Bostonians. They’re back this way…”
“I can show you,” Cindy piped up.
I glared at the back of her retreating head as my newest crush and my best friend walked away. That lasted about two seconds as an elderly lady approached with a million questions like “Why are all your slippers made in China?” and “Will these fit my grandson? He’s twelve.” I answered them with a smile, like I always do. I’m very good at my job, but the cute guy in argyle played on the edges of my thoughts.
I was still ringing her up and fielding questions from her equally verbose daughter when Cindy and Mr. Argyle Sweater returned. Argyle gave a winning smile as he waited.
“I’m so sorry to hold you up, young man,” the lady said as she tried to grasp her bag and pull it off the counter.
“No, it’s fine! You and your sister have a lovely Christmas.”
The daughter gave a startled look. “She’s not my sister.”
The mother jabbed her “sister” with her elbow and said “I think he was trying to pay me a compliment. Or make a joke.”
“Well I find it cheesy,” she replied.
“Nothing wrong with cheese,” Argyle said with a wink at me. I just stared back with an incredulous smile.
The older woman laughed as they walked out the door.
“That was pretty cheesy,” I said as I scanned his shoe box. “Not that I’m complaining.”
“Good. I like cheese. Sometimes it’s the easiest way to communicate.”
“Would you like a bag?” I said.
“Why don’t you grab one of the Christmas ones for him, they’re at the other register,” Cindy said.
“I’d appreciate it,” Argyle said.
I was so annoyed. Cindy should know I was angling for more face time, why did she keep pushing me away from him? He wasn’t even remotely her type, plus she was already seeing someone.
I decided to give my best catwalk, just to give him something to remember.
“Hey baby, do fries come with that shake?”
I turned. Did he really just say that? The grin on his perfect mouth contrasted with the knowing smirk on Cindy’s. I should have known. She planned this. I batted my eyes.
“For you, stud? The whole happy meal.”
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