OK, I'mma spell it out for y'all. This week's Top Chef was boring. I watched and re-watched it, notebook at the ready and dreaded the thought of recapping it. So, I shall just give you the highlights:
Rocco DiSpirito! Dreamiest chef, ever! The quickfire challenge was about making a breakfast amuse bouche, and Rocco revealed his love of bacon. The winning dish? Did not have bacon. He loses cool points for giving the Quickfire winner his book as a gift. Tacky!
Amushe Bouche: Use this term amongst your friends, you will sound super smart. It's a single bite hors d'ouvre, but it means "mouth pleaser" in French. I am twelve years old, obviously, because I found that incredibly amusing.
Quickfire Losers: Daniel made a childhood favorite, a cornflake-coated zucinni blossom stuffed with hash. What, your mother never made zucinni blossoms for breakfast? I guess she doesn't love you as much as Daniel's did. Of course, you could eat Chef Boyardee for breakfast like Jamie did as a kid. The thought makes me nauseous. Also not good: Fabio's "pudding-like" Espresso cream, per Padma.
Quickfire Winners: Leah, for a breakfast sandwich that was a true amuse bouche. Also ran Jamie made a similar dish, only with bacon, but it was a two biter, not an amuse bouche. Leah totally calls her on it, as she should.
My Quickfire Winner: Adriane, for her chive and bacon cream cheese stuffed french toast with chili-infused maple syrup. Coming from PA's maple syrup capitol, I know from maple syrup. It sounds really savory and sweet, which is my kind of breakfast. Or second breakfast. Or elevenses.
The Elimination Challenge: Create a dish to demo on live TV, in two and a half minutes. I found this hurried and uninteresting for the most part.
Aw, Spit: Melissa's shrimp had so much habernaro that Tom spit it out. After Padma did the same in the second week and Dave Grohl thought Richard's vanilla creme looked like spit last week, I though we had reached a spit-up quota only to matched by your average colicky baby. But no! Kathie Lee Gifford spits out Jeff's malfouf roll on real live TV. Next weeks challenge: make a dish that will not be compared, or cause any one, to spit.
Winner: Adriane's tomato and watermelon salad. Where does this come from? She was totally bottom three material the first two weeks, then gets great praise the next. She must be embracing her inner cougar!
Loser: Alex, for attempting a Creme Brulee in under an hour. This is apparently impossible, per Rocco. And I will believe anything that hot hunk o' man says. He packs his knives and goes back to his fiance and his wedding in a couple weeks. Lucky man! And another cute one bites the dust.
PS: I know, my paint skillz rival Perez Hilton's! You don't have to remind me...
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