This week legendary guitarist (LOL!) Slash joined the kiddos at a club to go over their rock selections. As usual, I hated someone wearing glasses and smug look on his face, and it wasn't just Gokey! The Velvet Revolver/G'N'R axeman was useless, luckily some people know how to melt faces with their sheer charisma. No, Danny, I'm still not talking about you...
Adam started the night off in true rock star style, ramming us up the ol' tailpipe with some Led. "Whole Lotta Love" wasn't quite the perfection that I was hoping for, but Adam dressed the part in leather, chains and bare chest and he did his wailing thing. I actually got an Axl Rose vibe from him tonight, in terms of vocal power and ability to go high and not be shrill. I do think he is brilliant.
It's time for the inevitable: Alison does Janis. It would seem that her smoky vocals and blues/jazz rawness would be perfect for "Cry Baby" but it was just good. I expected more from our little rock princess, but she sure can sing and she has huge stage presence! I know "Piece Of My Heart" is little overplayed on the Idol stage, but I think she could have had a moment with that track. And I think "Cry" was a better choice than "Somebody To Love" but "Crimson And Clover" would have been amazing... It was good, but I wanted a little more.
Ooh, duets! First are pretty boy Kris and my Sworn Enemy doing Styx. You can tell Danny hates doing "Renegade" - I'm sure he would rather do some Mercy Me or something. But when the tow harmonized, they sounded great. Kris carried the melody and Danny underscored it with some grit, but separately it was kinda awful. Can Danny get any worse? Like Barack Obama said, Yes He Can...
Kris decided to raid the Beatles catalog and sing the toe-jammingest song there. "Come Together" required a bigger voice than he has, but it almost worked. I'm a little scared for our married man, Danny and Adam are pretty much a lock for top two and Alison really out performed him.
Danny, Danny, Danny. You sucked like a old Hoover, don't you realize you can't do Aerosmith with a voice like that? The ending wail was a deadly assault upon all ears in the nation, and the verses leading up to that were merely OK. If America would wake up and realize that you are not an inspiration but reek of desperation, they would vote you off the island, auf your ass and tell you "Don't call us, we'll call you" because you are the weakest link, goodbye.
How can we top that shit-storm? Have the Idols with the most star power sing the most lyrically repetitive song on Rock Band. Adam and Alison tried to make something out of Foghat's "Slow Ride" and they nearly succeeded! They were awesomeness personified, but you can only do so much singing "Slow ride, take it easy" forty-one times in a row.
Danny should go after destroying "Dream On" but Americans love him and his dead wife. I fear for Kris, dude does not have time for "OK" when A & A are ramping it up.
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